He left us forever...

I'm not sure how I should approach this writing on someone whom I'd known for years yet not deep enough to even call him as a good friend. Li Kai is gone forever, as his sister had described to us over the SMS. He had left us. A fleeting moment of the precious bloom, a single bow to the pending sunshine before disappearing like that dew of the morning dawn. It was indeed premature of him, as time had always been against him.

I got the news this morning. Dumbstruck and horrified.. It's not everyday that a friend of yours whom you had known for years, jumps out of a window and kills himself. My monday mood was deeply affected by this sudden break of news. He was up and well, healthy and happy weeks back according to a few others. I saw him a couple times when running, and had always had long long chats with him downstairs even though I have had missed half of my run. I fixed his PC twice, with much complaints though. I rejected to help him the third time with much regrets now. How silly could I be? Fixing his PC wouldn't had taken much of my time, same as making an appointment with him, asking him out of coffee and finding out how life's been treating him.

I got to know him through Desmond, another gay friend of mine. Des and I knew each other from JC for a short while, before meeting each other on IRC a year or so down the road. I met Des' friends and LiKai was one of his. Very nice and somewhat melancholic. All in all, a person who's full of passion and struggles like the rest of us. I knew he was facing some problems over the years. Depression perhaps? He had much problems and troubles at work and home and with friends and boyfriends. He never had much luck with relationships too. I gathered that many broke his heart.. and he could never really work himself out of these problems. It's like a web which tightens its grip on him when the more he struggled. Knowing all these, and knowing what happened today, how I wished I had taken up my coffee chat offer with him seriously, and to sit down and find out in what manner I could had helped him resolve things in life. But it's all too late now.

I just came back from his wake... saw his body in the casket. I held my breath and uttered.. "Farewell my friend... you'll be remembered.."† I am still grappling with the fact of his violent death. If it would had been anybody else, the impression wouldn't be that deep. In this case, when friends whom you had somewhat joined part of your life with, they inevitably takes a piece of your soul into their body. I might be post traumatic, but I can almost feel every bit of his terror when he took the plunge. I can feel it. It strikes me even deeper now how important Des' friendship will be to me, and many others. This is worthy of note... because of his departure, I now am reminded again of how each moment is precious with people around me.

Semplice Simone