Change is Good

How much can you change for another person? Would you take that first step to alter certain aspect of your life, character, personality, ambitions, standards and principles? Would you take a detour and deviate from the plans you made in life to walk closer with that special someone? Something which is imprinted into the very depths of your soul. Would you change it? Not for your friends, nor your parents, but for the one that you truly love and who loves you dearly. Would you consider it a sacrifice on your own part, a temporary condescension, a weak compromise or a valuable investment? I must insist, that change is good and will yield the most priceless returns from a relationship.

Is there not a cause for you to change? If that stark difference is revealed and the other take offence, is that not a cause? Should one love the whole package regardless of how lacking it is, and falling short of one's expectations? The irony of it all. We often hear that to love his goods and bads is part of loving him. I do not totally buy this. What I do believe, is to talk about differences, come to a common understanding and to make an effort to change. Taking the first step to start the change does not guarantee immediate success. We are all extremely impatient, forgetful and ill disciplined creatures. The leopard cannot totally remove its spots. Change takes time and requires a slow painful process. Being patient throughout the process of change for the other, in itself is a very loving thing to do. It is necessary. I don't believe in using love as an excuse not to make one better suited for the other.

We can all say, we have no expectations of the other..there's no mould for him to fit in etc.. he can be whatever he is now, I'll still love him.... It's all hypocritical bullshit!! If you have just started in your first long term relationship, I celebrate your virgin attempt. For the rest of us who are gone through a few more guys, verily can tell you this sure thing : We have to constantly chant "He's not him he's not him he's not him.. " for a few months before it finally sinks in. Subconsciously, we still expect certain things from each other. And most of the time when we don't talk about it, the other will never know. Thus, it may seem that change isn't necessary, but what's actually lacking is just communication.

I see change as an expression of love. I see patience, when in waiting for that necessary change to take place, as an expression of love. I see loving everything about a guy regardless of what may come along with him, as love too, ironically. And I do see, not making the effort to communicate differences and to change, as destructive and selfish. In all this, is only my opinion and differs from how others may see it. It's not a secret formula to make a relationship work out either. It's just something which I've learnt over the years, which I try to put into practice. And of course, all these are easier said than done.

Do you believe when you meet that special someone, that he’s your missing jigsaw puzzle right from the start? I cannot really believe in such. Would not it all be too easy? Too discounted? Every hurdle that both of you overcome, deepens the love and understanding for each other. One of the hurdle is change .

Semplice Simon