Coming Out and Going Away

I've never felt so overjoyed and sad so quickly, over a short period of 14 hours. For very good reasons as I may explain to you soon. Went out for blading this morning with my Sec. School girlfriends. There were LZ, RY, SH and her husband CH.

I was so overjoyed to have finally found a RollerBlading Khaki in LZ. ~happy!~ She's especially interested in picking up lessons together with skateline and suggested we sign up together. She was good actually, at least she wasn't the one falling on her butt after a road hump.

We started blading for only 10 min, the thunderstorm came. Rain started pouring. ~sad!~ The RollerBladers took shelter in one pavilion while the cyclists took another one further down the road. Rained continually for half an hour. Both me and LZ started chatting about things like work, school and how long we've known each other. 14 years!! That's how long I've known these girlfriends. ~happy!~

The storm lifted and we continued blading and cycling for another half an hour. ~happy!~ It was too short for me though. The bicycles' timing was up and we had to return it quickly. Went back to mac for lunch and chitty chatty. Met this colleague of RY. Name is BG.. (Ba1 Gua4). My Gosh.. she's so Auntish!!!! can't believe she's our age. A bit ..big on the hind side... think it's child bearing.. She started chatting and sat down at our table without invitation. ~pissed!~ Started gossiping to RY about her children's school and teachers. RY teaches there by the way. BG continued with how RY ought to get married and that she's not getting any younger and blah blah. BTW, RY was my 1st bf's girlfriend of 5 years. Read my previous blog entries to understand better. :P We are sort of.. erghm good friends.. Quite a complicated situation. They don't know about me being part of the Rainbow Community though.

Anyway, we finally left and I sent LZ and RY back home. We had the most earth shattering conversation in my car.

"Are you girls seeing anybody? The lady just now was quite worried." ... I asked..

"Seeing anybody? No.. we are seeing you aren't we? hahhaa ... " ~lame~ ... LZ replied.

"No lar.. I meant.. like boyfriend girlfriend that kinda thing.. " I asked.. again..

"No leh, not at the moment. Work take up too much time. ..What about you leh?" RY answered ..

"I see .. hmm.. how long have we known each other?? " I asked ..

"Around 14 years since Sec 1?" LZ answered counting her fingers..

"Don't you find something quite strange about me over the years?" I asked.. sheepishly..

"Oh Oh.. that you never had a girlfriend before??? hahah " LZ answered animatedly..

"hahahaha.. what made you think that??? " I replied quickly..

"or.... You have other 'inclinations'..? hahahhhaah "... RY quizzed, giggling away..

"Actually, .. I do have.... " I answered hesitantly..

..... short pause ...

"How come you never brought her out to show us?? So bad!! " LZ answered again..thinking I have a girlfriend.

.. ~choke..~..

"Aiyoh.. I meant, I do have ... other inclinations .. I'm not Straight..!!" I corrected her quickly..

... uncomfy short pause ....

"Got boyfriend or not??? How come you never brought him out to show us?? " LZ answered ... again..

~happy!~ I can almost hear the choir singing "O Happy Day". Exactly how I feel. It took me quite a while to decide whether to tell them. After many years, and the fact I am getting to 30 soon. I've decided I should slowly open myself up to my closest friends. It didn’t' turn out half as bad as I've expected. MZ my faghag lesbo friend, was quite sure that all hell will break lose and they will not like what they are hearing. I was glad that she was wrong.. for the time being. LZ and RY was quite receptive about the whole thing, and I clarified with them my motive. I wanted us to be closer friends at a different plane now. Now we can at least admire guys together. hahaha... Of course.. many other things went through my mind about today, but I will leave the problem till tomorrow.

~sad!~ MZ told me she's leaving for Thailand for work. For three months or more. quite sad though. Went out for supper with her just now. I didn't tell her that, but I can't really bear to see her go. You know how some people we don't get to see everyday, for that matter.. .not frequent at all and when the news of leave breaks, a sensitive button is pressed. MZ is like a deep old tree planted in my heart. We've not been weathering through together for some time, and neither do I water it and make sure the sun comes. But when the tree is to be uprooted... the pain.. and vacuum can be felt almost like a piece of flesh being slice off.

Maybe the feeling of loss is still quite raw in me. With more partings, it's more apparent how vulnerable our hearts gets affected by changes in relationships. I wish that everything may be static and never changing. But change will always be the only thing constant. Like a Chinese saying goes, there will always be an end to every good banquet. I wish her all the best. Hope we'll get to spend chinese new year together next year.

Semplice Simon