Strangely-Sore-Feeling-To-Love-Again

I've told myself that I wouldn't be falling in love so easily again. But to tell myself that I've no particular person in mind and that nobody around me attracts me currently is perhaps a lie and a desperate attempt to twist myself out of another pending heart break. I cannot yet fully grasp and control my own feelings at times. It is the inconsistency between what I really feel in that frail heart, and the apparent logic in resulting from my analytical mind. I would coin this as that "Strangely-Sore-Feeling-To-Love-Again". (SSFLA)

I must admit that I had never felt this SSFLA as strong as it is now. One of the reasons being I've never broke up from such a long relationship before. But what is the cause of this? I can almost will this feeling to come as easily nowadays. Is it because of the discomforting and persisting feeling of loss and sadness after a breakup? Is it because of the feeling and hope of possibly loving and seeing somebody new again? Is it because of the fear of everything repeating itself all over again as it had so often? Or is it simply because I'm too convinced of the only surety of my own fate is a big conclusive unhappy ending? I'm not too sure. I have all this four feelings walking alongside each other waiting for me to join them again.

How am I going to handle such a mix of feelings and how things would to turn out for me? I am not too sure either. Corny is it may be, Gumprates says ... "Life is like a box of chocolates.. You’ll never know what you're gonna get..." We should take on life as an adventure, like corridors full of doors that look the same, but leads to different world. Like a forest, with trees tops leading to different wonderful places. Like a cupboard, which when walking in, brings us into another fantasy. This sense of excitement which comes before our embarkation on certain stages in life, and before the start of a wonderful phase, is clearly what I need. Is my age catching up on me, I wonder. Am I failing to invoke both subconsciously and consciously, pleasant childlike sugary feeling in my heart when something sweet happens? Or for that that matter, somebody who’s so right in coming along in my life. And in its place is just a heavy soreness which I long to get rid. God forbids!!!

Time is a real good medicine... I need an overdose for an overdrive right now!!

Semplice Simon