Friends to the End of Year 2008

This year had really led me to examine friendship in its essence, its importance and meaning to me. Beside making and growing closer to some friends, I have learned to distance and avoid some others. To start talking about the stories and the reasons of why things had changed, would take up unnecessary space on this blog. To which, I don't intend to waste your time reading my ramblings. It can get meaningless and even boring, for myself to read.

What does friendship mean to you at the closing of another year? I, for one, had managed to reclassify some friends and gained on a path with a few others. Some people that I have learned that even if you have gone through much with them in life, and have expected certain understanding and attention from, decides to go the other way. I'd learnt, that not all old time friends who you may expect to be with you, will eventually be there to hold your hand. Is this the Y Junction where we say to each other, see you at the other end? I'm not too sure now that old time friends can even be demanded of this much. The same which we set and cannot satisfy others with. Why such idealism? There were some misunderstandings after which friends starts to take side and choices are made to break the whole so-called "ship" apart. It is a sad thing in life. I don't believe that I should be in harmony with everybody around me. I cannot agree with some people on their behavior, their attitudes and outlook in life. Do I have to change them since we are old time friends? I tried. And failed. The next step were to leave that person alone and to avoid going out with her. Some other friends advised me to just go out and be nonchalant about the whole thing. But I don't understand why I should be made to go out with a group and have to pretend something which I'm not? Call me self righteous, if the person is wrong.. she's wrong!! She have to change. If I cannot change the person.. then avoidance will be good. My last conflict management course had rated me as a person who is high on the assertiveness. This I know now. The last resort when I cannot assert my grounds, I throw it into no man's lands.

There are some new friends which I'd gained over the years. Short few years to be exact. I have had not the chance to go through thick and thin with them. We have more laughter and fun rather then misery and trials. Does that belittle our friendship in anyway? I think not. Can we only be friends with those that we been through storms with? I think not. Given that our friendship isn't tried, and we spent it much in merriment and circus but that does not mean in times of difficulties they would not stand the trying. We just have not the chance to exercise this test yet. We recently had a group gathering together and started posting hordes of pictures on facebook. I saw one comment saying that she had much fun and these are the friends she can see herself growing old with. It's touching.. but is it reality? I am a full skeptic towards the human heart but for one, I don't disagree with her. I have learned to let it go a little. Maybe we should all lower of expectation of friends and to ultimately admit that water, can be thicker than blood..sometimes... My parents had always warned me that friends will not always be there for you, and your kins, your family will only be left standing when everybody else leaves you. Can I agree with that? I have some friends that are closer to me than my family. Well, I can't really compare that with my sister since I don't really talk to her much and I do not want to know that much about the happenings in her life. But I do know that my parents won't be there for me forever, and being gay, the next closest would be my partner and good friends. Would they have to be there? Would I be left alone and lonely?

So what does it make to be a cut of a genuine friend? What measures do we take and is it after all, a big deal at all? I'm not too sure on that on the closing of another year. I'm scared of a few things.. about friendship. When somebody I love dies... who will be the ones to comfort me? Who will be the ones to be there first to lend their shoulder to me? No judgements.. no reasoning.. no soap operas... but just their unquestioning company? When I die, who will be the ones to be the same? Holding the hands to those whom I love, and had left behind? These are the friends, which will define the depth of friendship for the new year.

Semplice Simon

The Rainbow will land in the palm of your hand...

A colleague of mine at work, a phllipino, shared this album whom she proudly claim, the singer was openly lesbian. Unlike her cleanly shaven look and butch-like mannerism, her voice was a deep misrepresentation of her. I listened through her songs, and quickly fell in love with it. Her voice is sweet, crystal clear and clean. She attempted a few Eva Cassidy and Corrine May. But her voice was firm in retaining its identity and style. Instead of a harsh break on the edge of a jazz singer, she kept her integrity in a beautifully reserved and demure interpretation of the songs. It's definitely an album worth buying. I tried looking for it but it's already out of stock off a lot of places.

It's a wonder for me. A poor country which is saturated with political turmoil within and without, could have singers and artists that pursue their dreams and eventually, actually fulfilling them. How can this be? I watched a movie screening by a group of Youth Challenge volunteer group today. It was a locally funded episode of foreign filming at Cambodia. Director was Carrie Owen, producer Lionel Chok and music by the late Reuben Kee. The title of the movie is "To Speak". It's about a 12 year old village girl, Rattana, staying in a flood stricken village making a living breaking quarry rocks into smaller pieces. It's about the courage to dream amidst of all possible odds in life. No money, no food, sickness and heartaches. She was taken to start saving money with that little she and her family had, to eventually build a home for her family.

I've always heard, that all bodily ailments may come, but if the heart should feel dejected, and the spirit broken, it was the end of life. It's with this that I sometimes wonder, where ever did all these brave souls come from? Against the tides of opposition in life, they come out proud and successful. Their life story stands as a testament to many of us. How the smallest thought planted in the mind of man, can be strung to the multiple facets of inner strength and determination, coupled with opportunity and great faith.. they find the courage to hope and fulfill their dreams.


The Rainbow will land,
in the palm of your hand,
Don't ever let it go,
When the stars won't shine anymore,
I'll be there..

Aiza Seguera - "I'll Be There for You"

Semplice Simon

To Know Where I'm Coming From

it's been a year. Can you believe it? Exactly one year ago was the last post I made to this blogspot and I have been tied down with many changes and events in my life. Most recently of course would be my birthday that had just passed. Thomas gave me a book. Well, he gave me many books to be exact. I was half reading LKY's memoirs when I received a new novel by Johann S Lee. Who wouldn't know him? For one, I didn't know he came up with a new book and was pleasantly surprised to get it as a birthday gift. Remembering the magic of "Peculiar Chris", I chucked LKY under the bed and read the new book. I didn't just mean read, I read it furiously. And boy.... the magic's still there.

His writing and skill has matured. It could be felt throughout the pages as you read. The content is rich, elaborate and colorful. It's a parallel story told in tandem between what had happened in London, his return to Singapore to heal, his past relationship catching up to a new relationship he is building. There's a couple so elements involved. Comparing the life of an singaporean living overseas in London, to that of home sweet home Singapore. Free speech, gay rights and expression, singapore contemporary gay scene, love-hate struggles of a relationship and to understand eventually, where all this is heading towards. The author took careful note to write in realism, not in idealism, and by reading, we can know that his experiences may be real.

The standard JSL characters are there. The old boyfriend, the new boyfriend, the straight girl, the hunky boys, the flailing queens etc. But the magic was to put them in a plane more profound than the first book. One topic it touches on which was quite interesting, is physical and sexual infidelity versus that of emotional infidelity. It's nothing new to me but it's worth to explore the concept through his eyes. My favorite character? The cute Peter of course.. simple yet complex, innocent, bold, down to earth, charming and sexy.

I thoroughly enjoyed the book, we all should read this.

Semplice Simon (Yes I'm back! Reprise)