Our Activities

I had the fortune to meet up with a group of friends from "OurActivities" Yahoo Group. A bunch of very nice people. We went out for dinner at Fish and Co. at bugis, took a walk around Bugis Village for some dessert and ended up at StarBucks. The guys that turned up were Kelvin, Desmond Chua, Wang Yi and Jave. A friendly bunch of easy going guys with no hassle-tussle attitude. That's what I appreciate in friends. We chatted from the most mundane things like work and studies, to the more personal things like relationships and coming out. I really miss the good old sit-down-at-the-cafe chats with friends. It sure beats going to pubs and clubs and having your ear drums blasted out from the back of your heads and shouting over the top of your voice.

This group have been started about three years ago. I had been introduce to it by another friend, whom must have known that I needed these new friends to help me tide over other more depressing things in life. Something more outstanding about this group was that they organize dinner outings, outdoor activities and adventures, and other fun gatherings in chalets etc, instead for going pubs and sex clubs. I must say, it's just the tip of the ice berg as I'd not met the rest of the group yet. But all in all, it had been an enjoyable evening out.

It made me think back on the days of sgboy club, when I was involved as a club manager organizing activities for them during the 1999 - 2000 period. It was fun. I've helped with things like dinner outings and anniversary bash. But little did I realized then, how important it was for people of like-mindedness to gather together, go out and have fun together. All these activities have many important underlining agenda, which provides support and gives a sense of belonging to many young gay people out there. Something which I'd come to feel today, when I am not the one organizing it. It is difficult in conservative Singapore, to organize big gatherings and outings where a large group of gay people comes together. First we have to remove the stigma that come along with it, ie. the sex fuelled activities, and second to plant a healthier schema to it. If one were to succeed and go beyond these two steps, I would say that the group or club is a successful one.

There are groups and web portals in Singapore similar to this. Fridae, Sgboy, MAW etc and other more private which are by invitation only and not listed openly. All these provide avenues for gay people to make new friends and of course, to find their special someone. They all serve a manifold demand from the Rainbow community. Till now, I don't think anyone of us would have a problem finding a group which to connect and relate to.

Semplice Simon

Short Little Moosings - 7

One of the simplest joy of life which I realized, is eating alone. I've heard from many friends that they do not enjoy sitting down at a hawker center or restaurant, buy food and to sit down alone at a table to eat. Asking them why. They didn't want to look that lonesome eating there with no friends. It gives the general public looking at you, the impression that you are anti-social and without a decent friend to dine with. For me, it's a total relief sometimes to eat alone. Spent more time dissecting my food, looking at cute guys, casually inspecting the hygiene of each stall, looking at the cooks and chefs, observing other customers and just simply taking my own time.

More to it of course, it's a good time just to think about life, review my short term plan over a cup of Soya bean milk, while the rest of the world is bustling around you. Good to take a short break eating alone before joining the mad rush again.

Semplice Simon

Mood - Good
Feeling - Happy
Thinking - Is being tan a good thing?
Love - 鳳凰花季 by Ocean Ou

Change is Good

How much can you change for another person? Would you take that first step to alter certain aspect of your life, character, personality, ambitions, standards and principles? Would you take a detour and deviate from the plans you made in life to walk closer with that special someone? Something which is imprinted into the very depths of your soul. Would you change it? Not for your friends, nor your parents, but for the one that you truly love and who loves you dearly. Would you consider it a sacrifice on your own part, a temporary condescension, a weak compromise or a valuable investment? I must insist, that change is good and will yield the most priceless returns from a relationship.

Is there not a cause for you to change? If that stark difference is revealed and the other take offence, is that not a cause? Should one love the whole package regardless of how lacking it is, and falling short of one's expectations? The irony of it all. We often hear that to love his goods and bads is part of loving him. I do not totally buy this. What I do believe, is to talk about differences, come to a common understanding and to make an effort to change. Taking the first step to start the change does not guarantee immediate success. We are all extremely impatient, forgetful and ill disciplined creatures. The leopard cannot totally remove its spots. Change takes time and requires a slow painful process. Being patient throughout the process of change for the other, in itself is a very loving thing to do. It is necessary. I don't believe in using love as an excuse not to make one better suited for the other.

We can all say, we have no expectations of the other..there's no mould for him to fit in etc.. he can be whatever he is now, I'll still love him.... It's all hypocritical bullshit!! If you have just started in your first long term relationship, I celebrate your virgin attempt. For the rest of us who are gone through a few more guys, verily can tell you this sure thing : We have to constantly chant "He's not him he's not him he's not him.. " for a few months before it finally sinks in. Subconsciously, we still expect certain things from each other. And most of the time when we don't talk about it, the other will never know. Thus, it may seem that change isn't necessary, but what's actually lacking is just communication.

I see change as an expression of love. I see patience, when in waiting for that necessary change to take place, as an expression of love. I see loving everything about a guy regardless of what may come along with him, as love too, ironically. And I do see, not making the effort to communicate differences and to change, as destructive and selfish. In all this, is only my opinion and differs from how others may see it. It's not a secret formula to make a relationship work out either. It's just something which I've learnt over the years, which I try to put into practice. And of course, all these are easier said than done.

Do you believe when you meet that special someone, that he’s your missing jigsaw puzzle right from the start? I cannot really believe in such. Would not it all be too easy? Too discounted? Every hurdle that both of you overcome, deepens the love and understanding for each other. One of the hurdle is change .

Semplice Simon

Does Length Matters?

More and more of my straight friends are going through shorter courtship before hitting the church wedding bells. It's official. Undersized romancing is the IN thing. Straight couples are together for less than 2 years and getting married earlier. After the nuptial rites, procreating rituals precedes every night and they cannot wait to contribute back to the society. Alas, it only works for heteros. They have many good reasons to stay the marriage commitment. Besides the children, they are legally bonded. Regardless how long they romance each other before matrimony, there's always the Big Brother who will give them a darn good reason to stay fastened after marriage. They will think carefully, twice, thrice before filing for divorce. There's a heavy tangible price to pay.

For us, the fabulous fags, we have nothing to tie us down. So does it really matter how long we know each other before announcing the date of a commitment party? In the end, the only tangible "face" reason is the total humiliation and embarrassment of breaking off once you've told everybody you guys would be together forever. I once heard from a gay friend why he wanted to tell his friends he was attached. He wanted to make it harder for himself to find an excuse to break off later. How lame. That's reality isn't it? The only thing that can stay a gay relationship together, is genuine undying love ( hello in there?!?!?! ) and with no other more substantial reasons.

There are people who keep celebrating their anniversaries. I'm no exception. I chose the yearly ones. But there are those who does it half yearly .. and even monthly. They invite countless peers to share in their bliss. Fiddle their happiness over the rooftop. But then, their relationship had only lasted less than a year. Does this kind of milestone marking spur their relationship to a longer period and greater height? I'm not too sure about it either. But in some deluded sense, it may contribute as a factor to hang on.

So my friends, don't court your guy too long. Don't romance for too long either. If you love him, throw a commitment party soon. No matter when you do it. It can never be, a good enough reason to keep the relationship strong. Do it earlier then.

Semplice Simon