New Year Resolutions!
In no particular Order of Priority.
1. Participate in the 21 Km Half Marathon end of the year
2. Get my GMAT Done
3. Get my ABRSM Grade 5 Done
4. Save up for A Trip end of Year 2006
5. Drive Safely
6. Learn to drive with all my different shoes
The thing about New Year resolution is that you'll probably need some place to record it down. This is to ensure we can check back on our completion at the end of the year. I can't remember what I've set for myself the year before. I think it had something remotely related to my weight. I might have achieved that though. I was tipping 72kg in the beginning of the year, and at its close I am at 68.5 kg.
I've already planned what I'm gonna do the very first thing when the second hand strikes the new year. DORAEMON!!!! Get ready!!! SMUUUUUUUUUUUUUACCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! I luv ya.!!!
Semplice Simon
Mood - Happy!
Feeling - Excited
Thinking - My Little Prince
Love - My Little Prince
Friday, December 30, 2005
Reviewing our Losses, Gaining that Strength
It'd been tradition for Mr. TeeVoh to review the major news in Singapore at the concluding of another year. There's been talk on what was the prevalent news for Singapore and for the world. Terrorist Attacks, Rise in Oil Prices, wars, deadly mutating viruses and Natural calamities, these are some of the things off my fingertips. In Singapore will have to be the increasing number of grotesque murder cases, LTA/LRTrelated issues, and not forgetting the NKF saga.
When we re-visit our dealings with catastrophic events and tragedies which have an impact of significant magnitude in our lives, it's perhaps a way to scale down our desperation, and comforting ourselves that at this very present moment, we had survived. Looking back at these unfortunate events and trying to quantify the experience, it had to be our first reaction, followed by how we struggled to manage them over time, and finally to come to terms with it.
It's a way for us to process these traumas and at some point in time, stand amazed at the sturdiness of human courage. We draw on each other’s strength, and seek to attune each other’s resolve and understanding, in working things out as a community. The common knowledge derived from all this? Finding strength and knowing we are not that alone after all.
I’ve met with a friend recently who related a story of her girl friend who lost the boyfriend during the Tsunami last year. They were resting in their room at the resort after diving and the waters came and took them by surprise. A stranger barely managed to pull her out of the waters when the resort nearly collapsed, but the boyfriend was no where to be found. After a few days of searching in vain, she flew back to Singapore devastated and drained. She kept crying. Much concern and consolation was offered by love ones, but she would not be comforted. It was her way of processing this tragedy on her own.
Over the weeks, she started to open up to friends and asking herself questions. Why life was as such? It was inequitable for her and she couldn’t quite accept the loss in its totality still. Her good friends brought her to church support groups for people who’ve met similar losses during the Tsunami. The results were to be celebrated. With much tears she was able to openly lament with the rest. She comforted others whose loss was felt greater than hers. Perhaps this transaction had diluted her concentrated focus on self, and re-aligned her to tap into a common strength.
Months later, remains of the boyfriend were finally found. She was called to identify and collect the belongings. This time, she did not manage this alone. Friends and family followed her and she learnt to tap into a community of strength for her personal loss. Smiling weakly through those tears of anguish, she was able to face up bravely to her loss. She had survived it.
Coming close to the end of the year, I’ve heard news about her. She still questions her loss. But was able to appreciate the strength she’d found in reiterating the account to her friends. She shared with them the whole process from the beginning, and this experience encouraged many afflicted in the end.
Is it good to recall our losses? Perhaps. The strength we'd gained along the way should not be forgotten too.
Semplice Simon
When we re-visit our dealings with catastrophic events and tragedies which have an impact of significant magnitude in our lives, it's perhaps a way to scale down our desperation, and comforting ourselves that at this very present moment, we had survived. Looking back at these unfortunate events and trying to quantify the experience, it had to be our first reaction, followed by how we struggled to manage them over time, and finally to come to terms with it.
It's a way for us to process these traumas and at some point in time, stand amazed at the sturdiness of human courage. We draw on each other’s strength, and seek to attune each other’s resolve and understanding, in working things out as a community. The common knowledge derived from all this? Finding strength and knowing we are not that alone after all.
I’ve met with a friend recently who related a story of her girl friend who lost the boyfriend during the Tsunami last year. They were resting in their room at the resort after diving and the waters came and took them by surprise. A stranger barely managed to pull her out of the waters when the resort nearly collapsed, but the boyfriend was no where to be found. After a few days of searching in vain, she flew back to Singapore devastated and drained. She kept crying. Much concern and consolation was offered by love ones, but she would not be comforted. It was her way of processing this tragedy on her own.
Over the weeks, she started to open up to friends and asking herself questions. Why life was as such? It was inequitable for her and she couldn’t quite accept the loss in its totality still. Her good friends brought her to church support groups for people who’ve met similar losses during the Tsunami. The results were to be celebrated. With much tears she was able to openly lament with the rest. She comforted others whose loss was felt greater than hers. Perhaps this transaction had diluted her concentrated focus on self, and re-aligned her to tap into a common strength.
Months later, remains of the boyfriend were finally found. She was called to identify and collect the belongings. This time, she did not manage this alone. Friends and family followed her and she learnt to tap into a community of strength for her personal loss. Smiling weakly through those tears of anguish, she was able to face up bravely to her loss. She had survived it.
Coming close to the end of the year, I’ve heard news about her. She still questions her loss. But was able to appreciate the strength she’d found in reiterating the account to her friends. She shared with them the whole process from the beginning, and this experience encouraged many afflicted in the end.
Is it good to recall our losses? Perhaps. The strength we'd gained along the way should not be forgotten too.
Semplice Simon
Saturday, December 24, 2005
Two Boys and a Parrot
Original Idea by N.Y.F , Dedicated to he who can make rocks bleed with emotions
In the beginning, there were two boys who got themselves a pet parrot. It was perfect. They promised each other to take care of it, clear its cage regularly from the dirty things, and to talk to it frequently.
Some weeks past, they took turn to clean the cage, talk to the parrot daily and to bath and care for it. Now this parrot was a very unique and special parrot indeed. It calls out the names of the two boys every time. Both of them found it so interesting, and became very excited about it.
But as the months past, the boys found imperfection about the parrot. It was something they didn't see initially. It has a clipped wing tip, a mismatched feather color on its tail and some feathers longer than others. And thus it was so, that one of the two, became less regular with the parrot's routine. Boredom and lethargy crept into his life. One fine day, he just couldn't be found anymore. But, the other continued, avidly cleaning the cage and talking to it.
Finally, it became only on one boy, to do these chores. He was dismayed. The other boy left, nobody knows why. But a strange but sad thing happened. The parrot stopped calling him, but instead, kept calling the name of the other boy which left. The boy, who remained, was reminded and determined to change the parrot's habit. He kept calling his own name instead, hoping the parrot would not call the name of the boy who left.
Many months past again, the parrot finally called the correct name. The boy who remained. He was happy and took great joy to nurse the parrot on his own. All these were not to be.
Another boy appeared one day and was interested in the parrot. The boy, who remained, was pleased and confident that the parrot would make a good pet for this new boy who came. He was careful to explain the clipped wing tip and its imperfect features while the new boy listened. He was not bothered and neither was he hesitant. He was ready to adopt and take care of the parrot.
Whatever came after was not widely discussed, the story must end here, and we'll never know.
Semplice Simon
In the beginning, there were two boys who got themselves a pet parrot. It was perfect. They promised each other to take care of it, clear its cage regularly from the dirty things, and to talk to it frequently.
Some weeks past, they took turn to clean the cage, talk to the parrot daily and to bath and care for it. Now this parrot was a very unique and special parrot indeed. It calls out the names of the two boys every time. Both of them found it so interesting, and became very excited about it.
But as the months past, the boys found imperfection about the parrot. It was something they didn't see initially. It has a clipped wing tip, a mismatched feather color on its tail and some feathers longer than others. And thus it was so, that one of the two, became less regular with the parrot's routine. Boredom and lethargy crept into his life. One fine day, he just couldn't be found anymore. But, the other continued, avidly cleaning the cage and talking to it.
Finally, it became only on one boy, to do these chores. He was dismayed. The other boy left, nobody knows why. But a strange but sad thing happened. The parrot stopped calling him, but instead, kept calling the name of the other boy which left. The boy, who remained, was reminded and determined to change the parrot's habit. He kept calling his own name instead, hoping the parrot would not call the name of the boy who left.
Many months past again, the parrot finally called the correct name. The boy who remained. He was happy and took great joy to nurse the parrot on his own. All these were not to be.
Another boy appeared one day and was interested in the parrot. The boy, who remained, was pleased and confident that the parrot would make a good pet for this new boy who came. He was careful to explain the clipped wing tip and its imperfect features while the new boy listened. He was not bothered and neither was he hesitant. He was ready to adopt and take care of the parrot.
Whatever came after was not widely discussed, the story must end here, and we'll never know.
Semplice Simon
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Unhinging Myself
The last one month of my life had been the most swiveling in my 28 years of living. Finally, I managed to unhinged myself fully and dwell into the presence of this special guy in my life. I thought it appropriate to update my blog with this short and honest account of what had happened to me in the past 1 month.
I had been careful and cautious in guarding myself from indulging in a relationship. Meeting up with Marcus had been really, a very special and unique event in my life, which changed certain perspectives and shook my momentum completely, much to my delight. We started SMSing each other before I went for reservist on 02 Oct 2005 and met on the 20 Nov 2005. My first impression of him was only slightly different from what I've expected him to be in my mind.
I was open to friendship then and wasn't surprised that my dormant potential BF detector didn't go running off wild at the sight of him. We had a great chat and I found his personality and character to be almost exactly to what I've picture on MSN. After going out with him for a couple of time, I found myself deeply attracted to him. To use a few words to describe him, I would say these in its sequence and order of development : He's intelligent and witty, sincere and honest with his views, intensely connected and in tuned with the emotional and psychological aspects of himself and others, and humorous and "cutely" adorable. Not forgetin sensitive, mature, and yet having a childlike charm. Well, but I'll save the bad points to myself first :P .
It didn't take me long to decide on taking the plunge. I didn't know where all these were coming from and didn't know where we might head towards, but I figure I didn't want to wait too long to find out. I wanted to give it shot. It might or might not turn out well, but I guess we all reach that age where these things simply become of distant importance in our lives. We can't always have the whole cake and eat it. There's always the giving and taking of a little, here and there.. After going out with him for the past 2 or 3 weeks, I felt a part of me still hanging like a door spoilt on half its hinges. It was swiveling uncontrollably in an erratic manner against the wind. I was not moving on as I ought to. It finally changed today, and I'm off those hinges.
Today is to be our 1 month "meet up" anniversary. My friend Ken reminded me to buy chocolates for him, but I decided not to. I remembered him not being keen on keeping count of days past and marking anniversaries. I could be wrong about that. We went to a Thai Restaurant today and my... was I surprised! After finishing our main course I casually reminded him that today was our 1 month meet up anniversary. I was expecting a blank look and nothing much after. Instead, a waiter brought this Thai pudding thingie in a cup with a candle lit on it. Confused ... I thought openly to him "Eh.. you mean this restaurant serve desserts with candles ar? Where's yours?!" He said he told the waiter it was my birthday and got them to do it while I was at the washroom earlier. Woooh.... I felt my stomach twirl.. Not from the Tom Yum soup.. But from this most beautiful gesture anybody had done for me in years. I wanted to swallow the dessert.. cup and everything in it. He said, "This kind of things must share one. .cannot eat alone, all the luck will run out!" LOL.. isn't he sweet?! :P
Marcus struck the most beautiful chord in my life. I hope we can be together forever.
Semplice Simon
I had been careful and cautious in guarding myself from indulging in a relationship. Meeting up with Marcus had been really, a very special and unique event in my life, which changed certain perspectives and shook my momentum completely, much to my delight. We started SMSing each other before I went for reservist on 02 Oct 2005 and met on the 20 Nov 2005. My first impression of him was only slightly different from what I've expected him to be in my mind.
I was open to friendship then and wasn't surprised that my dormant potential BF detector didn't go running off wild at the sight of him. We had a great chat and I found his personality and character to be almost exactly to what I've picture on MSN. After going out with him for a couple of time, I found myself deeply attracted to him. To use a few words to describe him, I would say these in its sequence and order of development : He's intelligent and witty, sincere and honest with his views, intensely connected and in tuned with the emotional and psychological aspects of himself and others, and humorous and "cutely" adorable. Not forgetin sensitive, mature, and yet having a childlike charm. Well, but I'll save the bad points to myself first :P .
It didn't take me long to decide on taking the plunge. I didn't know where all these were coming from and didn't know where we might head towards, but I figure I didn't want to wait too long to find out. I wanted to give it shot. It might or might not turn out well, but I guess we all reach that age where these things simply become of distant importance in our lives. We can't always have the whole cake and eat it. There's always the giving and taking of a little, here and there.. After going out with him for the past 2 or 3 weeks, I felt a part of me still hanging like a door spoilt on half its hinges. It was swiveling uncontrollably in an erratic manner against the wind. I was not moving on as I ought to. It finally changed today, and I'm off those hinges.
Today is to be our 1 month "meet up" anniversary. My friend Ken reminded me to buy chocolates for him, but I decided not to. I remembered him not being keen on keeping count of days past and marking anniversaries. I could be wrong about that. We went to a Thai Restaurant today and my... was I surprised! After finishing our main course I casually reminded him that today was our 1 month meet up anniversary. I was expecting a blank look and nothing much after. Instead, a waiter brought this Thai pudding thingie in a cup with a candle lit on it. Confused ... I thought openly to him "Eh.. you mean this restaurant serve desserts with candles ar? Where's yours?!" He said he told the waiter it was my birthday and got them to do it while I was at the washroom earlier. Woooh.... I felt my stomach twirl.. Not from the Tom Yum soup.. But from this most beautiful gesture anybody had done for me in years. I wanted to swallow the dessert.. cup and everything in it. He said, "This kind of things must share one. .cannot eat alone, all the luck will run out!" LOL.. isn't he sweet?! :P
Marcus struck the most beautiful chord in my life. I hope we can be together forever.
Semplice Simon
Monday, December 12, 2005
The Fox and the Little Prince
It was then that the little fox appeared.
‘Good day,’ said the fox.
‘Good day,’ replied the little prince politely, looking but unable to see anything.
‘Over here,’ said the voice, ‘under the apple tree.’
‘Who are you?’ said the little prince, ‘You’re very pretty.’
‘I’m a fox,’ said the fox.
‘Come and play with me,’ suggested the little prince. ‘I am terribly sad.’
‘I can’t play with you,’ said the fox. ‘I am not tame.’
‘Oh! I beg your pardon,’ said the little prince.
Then after a moment’s thought, he added:
‘What does “tame” mean?’
‘You are not from these parts,’ said the fox. ‘What are you looking for?’
‘I’m looking for people. What does “tame” mean?’
‘People,’ said the fox, ‘they have guns, and they hunt. It’s a great nuisance! They also raise chickens. That is the only interesting thing about them. Are you looking for chickens?’
‘No,’ said the little prince. ‘I am looking for friends. What does “tame” mean?’
‘Something that is frequently neglected,’ said the fox. ‘It means “to create ties”.’
‘To create ties?’
‘Precisely,’ said the fox. ‘To me, you are still only a small boy, just like a hundred thousand other small boys. And I have no need of you. And you have no need of me. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you shall be unique in the world. To you, I shall be unique in the world.’
‘I’m beginning to understand,’ said the little prince. ‘ I know a flower… I think she must have tamed me…’
‘Quite possible,’ said the fox. ‘On this Earth one sees all manner of things.’
‘Oh! But that was not on Earth,’ said the little prince.
The fox looked rather intrigued.
‘On another planet ,then?’
‘Yes.’
‘I see. Are there huntsman, on this other planet?’
‘No.’
‘How interesting. And chickens?’
‘No.’
‘Nothing is perfect,’ sighed the fox.
But he resumed his train of thought:
‘My life is very monotonous. I run after the chickens; the men run after me. All the chickens are the same, all the men are the same. Consequently, I get a little bored. But if you tame me, my days will be as if filled with sunlight. I shall know the sound of a footstep different from all the rest. Other steps make me run to earth. Yours will call me out of my foxhole, like music. And besides, look over there! You see the fields of corn? Well, I don’t eat bread. Corn is of no use to me. Corn fields remind me of nothing. Which is sad. On the other hand, your hair is the color of gold. So think how wonderful it will be when you have tamed me. The corn, which is golden, will remind me of you. And I shall come to love the sound of the wind in the field of corn.
The fox fell silent and looked steadily at the little prince for a long time.
‘Please,’ he said, ‘tame me!’
‘I should like to,’ replied the little prince, ‘ but I don’t have much time. I have friends to discover and many things to understand.’
‘One only ever understands what one tames. People no longer have the time to understand anything. They buy everything ready-made from the shops. But there is no shop where friends can be bought, so people no longer have friends. If you want a friend, tame me!’
‘What do I have to do?’ said the little prince.
‘You have to be very patient,’ replied the fox.
‘First you will sit down a short distance away from me, like that, in the grass. I shall watch you out of the corner of my eye and you will say nothing; words are the source of misunderstandings. But each day you may sit a little closer to me.’
The next day the little prince came back.
‘It would have been better to come back at the same time of the day,’ said the fox. ‘For instance, if you come at four in the afternoon, when three o’clock strikes I shall begin to feel happy. The closer our time approaches, the happier I shall feel. By four o’clock I shall already be getting agitated and worried. I shall be discovering that happiness has its price. But if you show up at any old time, I’ll never know when to start dressing my heart for you… We all need rituals.’
‘What is a ritual?’ said the little prince.
‘Something else that is frequently neglected,’ said the fox. ‘It’s what makes one day different from the other days, one hour different from the other hours. There is a ritual, for example, amongst my huntsmen. On Thursday they dance with the village girls. So Thursday is a wonderful day for me! I can take a stroll as far as the vineyard. If all the huntsmen went dancing at any old time, the days would all be the same, and I should never have a holiday.’
So the little prince tamed the fox. And when the time for him to leave was approaching:
‘Oh!’ said the fox. ‘I am going to cry.’
‘It’s your own fault,’ said the little prince. “I never wished you any harm; but you wanted me to tame you…’
‘I know,’ said the fox.
‘And now you are going to cry!’ said the little prince.
‘I know,’ said the fox.
‘So you have gained nothing from it at all!’
‘Yes, I have gained something,’ said the fox, ‘because of the color of the corn.’
***
‘Goodbye’ said the fox. ‘Now here is my secret, very simply: you can only see things clearly with your heart. What is essential is invisible to the eye.’
‘What is essential is invisible to the eye,’ repeated the little prince, so as to remember.
‘It is the time you have wasted on your [fox] that makes your [fox] so important.’
‘People have forgotten this truth,’ said the fox. ‘But you must not forget. You become responsible, for ever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your [fox].’
‘I am responsible for my [fox]…’ the little prince repeated, so as to remember.
***
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
That Momentous Present
It's been a while since I've updated the blog. It is for a good reason though. I really love to share my trash, about the silly thoughts and ridiculous feelings I have on people and events around. It is a very profound algorithm, having to go through that short thinking process when an incident of the least importance in my life shoots pass at the moment, and enabling myself to generalize and make sense of it to my friends and most importantly, to myself.
I went for the stage musical "Rent" the other day. I didn't do much reading up on it before going for it. I must admit, the sound system and acoustics in Kallang Theater was not very conducive for me to pick up the words and story. I wished they were singing half the speed and “vowelized” more with exaggerated mouth contortions. And plus the fact I was sitting 3 storey up and looking down at everybody's forehead, it didn't help to know that the size of the actors were the size of my thumb held up in front of me. … Oh well, for 120 bucks and a lousy theater, what can we expect? I thoroughly enjoyed the second Act, where topics about love and human relationships were constantly serenaded. How fiercely they sang about the youthful passions and struggles in life and the courage to stay undecided, and be proud to pursue your dreams.
I was reminded a very simple lesson in life recently, by someone who's slowly and surely accelerating in importance to my life. Inspired by his "Car Park" theory, I likewise am going to allocate one very unique and special lot for him. The lesson is to focus on the present. The thought of it was so logical and obvious, and yet, it had simply slipped out of my mind over the years. Perhaps studying Computer Science had warped my thought patterns so much that I could instantaneously think up multiple scenarios and results, all possible assumptions and contributing factors to various branch of decision making, in that snap of a finger. This had perhaps been a stumbling block to me and had complicated my life more than I should allow it. I could cut it all down you know, and to simply concentrate on making the best of that momentous present. We can't control the future and we can't change what's past. But we can determine quite well and to turn things right for that second. We really ought to do this.
This is perhaps another lesson that I've learn from "Rent". A person who is full of self awareness, and not being afraid to admit his insufficiencies in life, to acknowledge his fears and its uncertainties, is indeed a rare beauty. We don't have to be absolute and definite all time. And when we do concede to those ambiguities in life, it is not a weakness, but a silent built-up to embrace them wholeheartedly at our own pace.
The story runs a lot deeper than the time I could spare to read up on it. I would rather put down my own understanding after watching than to follow the mainstream critiques. Then again, we should not have too much absolute, right? Having different perceptions and opinions is still the one common dignity in life.
Semplice Simon
Sunday, November 27, 2005
The Right Time , The Wrong Time
After given much thought and careful planning, I've decided not to take up the Master of Technology course next year. MTech will take up 9-5 of all of my Saturdays for 2 ½ years, 20 full day weekday lessons, countless project meetings for major subjects, many deadlines to meet etc.. Adding another piece of paper to my collection isn't such a bad idea. I felt the time wasn't right though. There are many factors which made me change my mind.
I need to put this crazy paper chase on a more dissectible level. Initially, I felt the degree could enable me to shift to an academic position. Teach and perhaps lecture in schools instead of staying in the Industry for long. It is getting too dynamic for me, at times, plain suffocating. But I need more industrial experience, before taking on the role of imparting knowledge. By three years time, I don't think I have enough of that yet. And a pay cut would be inevitable if I am to change line. It's not the right time yet.
Another reason being the course content has the risk of being obsolete by the time I graduate. This MTech is solely on Technology based subjects; It is only contemporary to the time the syllabus is released. More conservative IT Project Management Methodologies and its applications, IT involvement in Strategic Business Planning etc are kept to a minimal. This will affect the value of the degree, and its worth in my career. I've already gotten CITPM, and it has already secured certain Project Lead responsibilities, but still it's not enough. My current company doesn't really appreciate it since there's no opening in the higher hierarchy to squeeze through for promotion. I am just waiting it out. It is still the wrong timing.
But the most important reason here is the quality of my life. I really wish to save up for traveling instead of paying for my school fees. I crave to go out with friends more often, to live life as vibrant as possible... , and of course, spending more time finding a life partner in that crazy arena called Love.
I want to improve my vocal techniques too, form gay and lesbian mini choir ensembles, learn more instruments, sing and play in public places, bring music to others etc..There are many books I want to read too, many places I want to go and many people I want to meet... ( or at least there's one particular guy .. :P ) All these will add into broadening my horizon and to give myself a more fulfilling and satisfying life. They were, initially my core interests and primary goals in life when I was younger. This should be the direction I must head now. It is the right time.
What is the use of being learned and wise, when there are no friends and love ones to share it with? What is the point of establishing a career when it is not my primary interest in life? What is the benefit of inflating my bank account with a fat pay when I don't have somebody I love to shower it upon? What am I doing with my life? For whom do I live for and for what purpose when finality comes knocking? I don't want to center my life on my career and money. By the time I have established them, can time be turned back for me to expend these tangibles to improve my life? I want my desires and purpose to be center around the man that I love, my family and friends, my passions in life etc. Only these can satisfy my thirst for satisfaction. It is the right time to start. Right now or never.
Semplice Simon
PS : I saw him at the hawker center just when I was looking for dinner. Wrong timing. I turned on my heels and walked off in haste. Over a plate of rice I asked myself, why this over-reaction. Two answers came. I am not that courageous yet, to face him, and who he is seeing. Next time, I will be brave enough.
I need to put this crazy paper chase on a more dissectible level. Initially, I felt the degree could enable me to shift to an academic position. Teach and perhaps lecture in schools instead of staying in the Industry for long. It is getting too dynamic for me, at times, plain suffocating. But I need more industrial experience, before taking on the role of imparting knowledge. By three years time, I don't think I have enough of that yet. And a pay cut would be inevitable if I am to change line. It's not the right time yet.
Another reason being the course content has the risk of being obsolete by the time I graduate. This MTech is solely on Technology based subjects; It is only contemporary to the time the syllabus is released. More conservative IT Project Management Methodologies and its applications, IT involvement in Strategic Business Planning etc are kept to a minimal. This will affect the value of the degree, and its worth in my career. I've already gotten CITPM, and it has already secured certain Project Lead responsibilities, but still it's not enough. My current company doesn't really appreciate it since there's no opening in the higher hierarchy to squeeze through for promotion. I am just waiting it out. It is still the wrong timing.
But the most important reason here is the quality of my life. I really wish to save up for traveling instead of paying for my school fees. I crave to go out with friends more often, to live life as vibrant as possible... , and of course, spending more time finding a life partner in that crazy arena called Love.
I want to improve my vocal techniques too, form gay and lesbian mini choir ensembles, learn more instruments, sing and play in public places, bring music to others etc..There are many books I want to read too, many places I want to go and many people I want to meet... ( or at least there's one particular guy .. :P ) All these will add into broadening my horizon and to give myself a more fulfilling and satisfying life. They were, initially my core interests and primary goals in life when I was younger. This should be the direction I must head now. It is the right time.
What is the use of being learned and wise, when there are no friends and love ones to share it with? What is the point of establishing a career when it is not my primary interest in life? What is the benefit of inflating my bank account with a fat pay when I don't have somebody I love to shower it upon? What am I doing with my life? For whom do I live for and for what purpose when finality comes knocking? I don't want to center my life on my career and money. By the time I have established them, can time be turned back for me to expend these tangibles to improve my life? I want my desires and purpose to be center around the man that I love, my family and friends, my passions in life etc. Only these can satisfy my thirst for satisfaction. It is the right time to start. Right now or never.
Semplice Simon
PS : I saw him at the hawker center just when I was looking for dinner. Wrong timing. I turned on my heels and walked off in haste. Over a plate of rice I asked myself, why this over-reaction. Two answers came. I am not that courageous yet, to face him, and who he is seeing. Next time, I will be brave enough.
Friday, November 25, 2005
Strangely-Sore-Feeling-To-Love-Again
I've told myself that I wouldn't be falling in love so easily again. But to tell myself that I've no particular person in mind and that nobody around me attracts me currently is perhaps a lie and a desperate attempt to twist myself out of another pending heart break. I cannot yet fully grasp and control my own feelings at times. It is the inconsistency between what I really feel in that frail heart, and the apparent logic in resulting from my analytical mind. I would coin this as that "Strangely-Sore-Feeling-To-Love-Again". (SSFLA)
I must admit that I had never felt this SSFLA as strong as it is now. One of the reasons being I've never broke up from such a long relationship before. But what is the cause of this? I can almost will this feeling to come as easily nowadays. Is it because of the discomforting and persisting feeling of loss and sadness after a breakup? Is it because of the feeling and hope of possibly loving and seeing somebody new again? Is it because of the fear of everything repeating itself all over again as it had so often? Or is it simply because I'm too convinced of the only surety of my own fate is a big conclusive unhappy ending? I'm not too sure. I have all this four feelings walking alongside each other waiting for me to join them again.
How am I going to handle such a mix of feelings and how things would to turn out for me? I am not too sure either. Corny is it may be, Gumprates says ... "Life is like a box of chocolates.. You’ll never know what you're gonna get..." We should take on life as an adventure, like corridors full of doors that look the same, but leads to different world. Like a forest, with trees tops leading to different wonderful places. Like a cupboard, which when walking in, brings us into another fantasy. This sense of excitement which comes before our embarkation on certain stages in life, and before the start of a wonderful phase, is clearly what I need. Is my age catching up on me, I wonder. Am I failing to invoke both subconsciously and consciously, pleasant childlike sugary feeling in my heart when something sweet happens? Or for that that matter, somebody who’s so right in coming along in my life. And in its place is just a heavy soreness which I long to get rid. God forbids!!!
Time is a real good medicine... I need an overdose for an overdrive right now!!
Semplice Simon
I must admit that I had never felt this SSFLA as strong as it is now. One of the reasons being I've never broke up from such a long relationship before. But what is the cause of this? I can almost will this feeling to come as easily nowadays. Is it because of the discomforting and persisting feeling of loss and sadness after a breakup? Is it because of the feeling and hope of possibly loving and seeing somebody new again? Is it because of the fear of everything repeating itself all over again as it had so often? Or is it simply because I'm too convinced of the only surety of my own fate is a big conclusive unhappy ending? I'm not too sure. I have all this four feelings walking alongside each other waiting for me to join them again.
How am I going to handle such a mix of feelings and how things would to turn out for me? I am not too sure either. Corny is it may be, Gumprates says ... "Life is like a box of chocolates.. You’ll never know what you're gonna get..." We should take on life as an adventure, like corridors full of doors that look the same, but leads to different world. Like a forest, with trees tops leading to different wonderful places. Like a cupboard, which when walking in, brings us into another fantasy. This sense of excitement which comes before our embarkation on certain stages in life, and before the start of a wonderful phase, is clearly what I need. Is my age catching up on me, I wonder. Am I failing to invoke both subconsciously and consciously, pleasant childlike sugary feeling in my heart when something sweet happens? Or for that that matter, somebody who’s so right in coming along in my life. And in its place is just a heavy soreness which I long to get rid. God forbids!!!
Time is a real good medicine... I need an overdose for an overdrive right now!!
Semplice Simon
Sunday, November 20, 2005
Lao Jiu - The Musical
After watching this musical at the National Library Theater, there were only 4 main thoughts which aligned themselves on parallel to our lives. Are we pursuing our own dreams in life? Are we pursuing others' dreams for us, in our life? What will happen in the end for us in both scenarios? Would you give up your own dreams to live up to the expectations of other people?
Lao Jiu is a Chinese musical, depicting the life of the ninth child of the Chng family. He is the only son with eight other elder sisters. Everybody’s pinning their hopes and dreams of wealth, fame and success on him, while deep inside, he only wish the colorful life of a puppeteer. With this inner strife between his deepest desires and dreams, and those pressured upon him from his family. The process of working out the conflicts of vision between him and his family, and the ending, were both quite surprising. Overall, it was enjoyable.
Technically speaking, the stage was small, but the actors were very skilled making use of the constraint to fully express themselves through well choreographed dance, beautiful props, costumes and music, and very carefully chosen words in the lyrics. There were many plus points to the musical and so are the negative ones. The lead actor is very cute but singing was not that in tune and certain consonants wasn't catch on clearly. The overall cast must improve their pronunciation. When they sing in Chinese, certain words cannot be brought across clearly and we had to keep looking at the subtitles on the side walls to make sense. Other than these small hiccups, there were not much to complain about in this famous piece of work.
Semplice Simon
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Short Little Moosings - 9
I went for a little night blading just.. and boy.. I sure regretted climbing those slopes. Fell on my bums while speeding down. Two ladies bikers exclaimed as they went pass me... "Thank God he has his pads on..!" I was like... HELLO!!.. the only padding I had on was my GMP ( Gluteus Maximus Padding ) . I'd bounced a couple time off the tar road on those paddings. Besides that, I had a great time. Bladed all the way from Mac to Fort Rd to Bedok Jetty .. rested for a while at the night view from the jetty.. and went back.
Saw a couple blading. It was so sweet of them. The guy was holding the lady's hand as they bladed together.. in synchronized momentum... they didn't let go of each other's hand even though their blading went out of sync. LOL.
If those blades were the strifes and turmoil of life, the road ahead was their journey together, and their hands held together were the faith in each other's love... how wonderful it would all be.
Semplice Simon
Mood - Relax
Feeling - Cautious
Thinking - I need Night Vision Goggles and Buttock Padding for Night blading..
Love - My New Hard Disk!!!
Saw a couple blading. It was so sweet of them. The guy was holding the lady's hand as they bladed together.. in synchronized momentum... they didn't let go of each other's hand even though their blading went out of sync. LOL.
If those blades were the strifes and turmoil of life, the road ahead was their journey together, and their hands held together were the faith in each other's love... how wonderful it would all be.
Semplice Simon
Mood - Relax
Feeling - Cautious
Thinking - I need Night Vision Goggles and Buttock Padding for Night blading..
Love - My New Hard Disk!!!
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Excess Baggage Payment
Sent off a good friend at the airport the other night.. MZ's off to Thailand for a three month work assignment. Fetched her from the house and saw the poor mum crying. It's for fear of not seeing her again.... Quite dramatic.. It's just a short three months. MZ doesn't long trips often, and the mum needs a little getting used to due to the new job. MZ admited she didn't feel overjoyed to be away from her family for that long. The mum no doubt can be a nag, but she is a lovely woman.
On the way to the airport, she started mentioning what she'll be missing, and what she regretted not to have done earlier. This trip was quite a last minute decision, and she was given only a week's notice to prepare. All is well. She did all she could. She arranged for friends to bring her mum fro therapy and follow-up. She had another friend helping her with the bills. Another one was supposed to pay a visit to her house occasionally, to ensure her brother wasn't up to any mischief. She had to rearrange the schedule for some part time studies and also notify her other classmates to help her collect notes. I was just a backup to everything else. haha. .
Despite all the rearrangements made to slip out of routine, she still didn't feel quite right. I asked her why. She told me she might be extending her stay, if her boss so wills, and that would mean more trouble for her. I told her. "Look dear, you've made all the things possible for life to carry on here without you, so please, don't worry so much. Even if you'd to stay there for a year, I doubt life will stop here because of you." Now, that wasn't much of a consolation. She started badgering me on how heartless I was.
We finally reached the airport. Her unusually large suitcase could have fitted me in. Attempting to inject some jest into the whole situation, I asked whether she had space there inside for me. Looking at me, incredulous that I could still humor her at this moment. She started asking me where she was to go, where to check in, what time to board, what to do inside, what not to bring, and where to get water on board of the plane?! Hmm..
We checked in and the lady at the counter was nice enough to remind her to take out all restricted items from her hand-carried into the suitcase. She had to unlock the suitcase, reveal the undies and lingerie in public just to tuck those objects away. Embarrassing. After checking in of the suitcase, we grab a burger at BK and started wandering around the airport looking at guys (that's me.. ) and at girls (that's her.. ) , books and magazine.
After a while, we came to a counter which had a large sign "Excess Baggage Payment" leveled over the heads of two very voluptuous Malay women. Gosh, talking about excess weight. They were going to charge a tantamount sum to all that dares to come through the airport with extra weight and luggage. This is to ensure all the holidayers will have their mood spoilt, the oversea students will have a bigger hole in their pocket, and to the executives, their due inconveniences to answer to their company. They were gleefully attending to a desperate ang moh couple, convincing them of the policies and reason of charges placed at the counter.
Looking at them, I can't help thinking about the rest of us with the "Excess Baggage". In some stages of our lives, we will get to this counter with the two nice ladies. They will punish you for carrying too much baggage. Even if it wasn't intentional, they will make you pay for it by inflicting a high price. There are people just like that around us. They make you very aware of the unnecessary and depressing memories, constantly reminding you to get over it and yet cannot stop reminding you at the same time. I don't have to pay for something which I desire to carry along at my own will. Anybody out there with the slightest of dignity must be given the right to do so. Why do they have to make it more painful for you? Perhaps, we didn't mean to carry so many luggages along. We were subconsciously taking them along with us in life because we quietly enjoys it?
As MZ walked pass the guards through the glass door, she started waving at me. Determined not to be further humiliated, I merely nodded at her. She started walking away, still waving and smiling, desperate to catch my attention. I couldn't help finally but to break into a big cheeky smile and waved back.
Good thing she didn't bring any excess baggage with her, at least, I tried to appease her mind before she left.
Semplice Simon
On the way to the airport, she started mentioning what she'll be missing, and what she regretted not to have done earlier. This trip was quite a last minute decision, and she was given only a week's notice to prepare. All is well. She did all she could. She arranged for friends to bring her mum fro therapy and follow-up. She had another friend helping her with the bills. Another one was supposed to pay a visit to her house occasionally, to ensure her brother wasn't up to any mischief. She had to rearrange the schedule for some part time studies and also notify her other classmates to help her collect notes. I was just a backup to everything else. haha. .
Despite all the rearrangements made to slip out of routine, she still didn't feel quite right. I asked her why. She told me she might be extending her stay, if her boss so wills, and that would mean more trouble for her. I told her. "Look dear, you've made all the things possible for life to carry on here without you, so please, don't worry so much. Even if you'd to stay there for a year, I doubt life will stop here because of you." Now, that wasn't much of a consolation. She started badgering me on how heartless I was.
We finally reached the airport. Her unusually large suitcase could have fitted me in. Attempting to inject some jest into the whole situation, I asked whether she had space there inside for me. Looking at me, incredulous that I could still humor her at this moment. She started asking me where she was to go, where to check in, what time to board, what to do inside, what not to bring, and where to get water on board of the plane?! Hmm..
We checked in and the lady at the counter was nice enough to remind her to take out all restricted items from her hand-carried into the suitcase. She had to unlock the suitcase, reveal the undies and lingerie in public just to tuck those objects away. Embarrassing. After checking in of the suitcase, we grab a burger at BK and started wandering around the airport looking at guys (that's me.. ) and at girls (that's her.. ) , books and magazine.
After a while, we came to a counter which had a large sign "Excess Baggage Payment" leveled over the heads of two very voluptuous Malay women. Gosh, talking about excess weight. They were going to charge a tantamount sum to all that dares to come through the airport with extra weight and luggage. This is to ensure all the holidayers will have their mood spoilt, the oversea students will have a bigger hole in their pocket, and to the executives, their due inconveniences to answer to their company. They were gleefully attending to a desperate ang moh couple, convincing them of the policies and reason of charges placed at the counter.
Looking at them, I can't help thinking about the rest of us with the "Excess Baggage". In some stages of our lives, we will get to this counter with the two nice ladies. They will punish you for carrying too much baggage. Even if it wasn't intentional, they will make you pay for it by inflicting a high price. There are people just like that around us. They make you very aware of the unnecessary and depressing memories, constantly reminding you to get over it and yet cannot stop reminding you at the same time. I don't have to pay for something which I desire to carry along at my own will. Anybody out there with the slightest of dignity must be given the right to do so. Why do they have to make it more painful for you? Perhaps, we didn't mean to carry so many luggages along. We were subconsciously taking them along with us in life because we quietly enjoys it?
As MZ walked pass the guards through the glass door, she started waving at me. Determined not to be further humiliated, I merely nodded at her. She started walking away, still waving and smiling, desperate to catch my attention. I couldn't help finally but to break into a big cheeky smile and waved back.
Good thing she didn't bring any excess baggage with her, at least, I tried to appease her mind before she left.
Semplice Simon
Sunday, November 06, 2005
My Bonnie Lies over the Ocean
Recently, a friend of mine is going through a long distance relationship. It's a brave attempt and I wish him well. It's definitely not easy but I've heard of friends going through LDR for 4 years without even meeting up face to face. Goodness know they were more like pen pals than boyfriends. But hey, give them some credit for not giving up halfway. Like this article which I've picked up somewhere. It's not impossible, but just a bit more challenging and takes an extra effort.
There are pros and cons for not meeting up face to face. Seeing too much of each other can be quite detrimental to the relationship in certain cases. It reduces our own private space and time. This is especially true to those who had spent more than half of their lives strongly independent and surviving only by their self sufficiency. But then, change is good. Would you give up the luxury of private space to accommodate somebody you love? Risk that intrusion of somebody whom you are not sure how sharing your life with him might be like? I hope so.
For myself, I've never gotten tired of seeing somebody "too much" in my life. If it's somebody I love, I don't really mind spending regular time together, even if it means everyday. I mean, that's the whole point of having a relationship right? That is to intertwine our lives together and to see each other face to face regularly. Anyway, back to a LDR, this can only be a temporal platform for the couple to try certain things, ultimately, they must developed a concrete plan to make it conclusive. Can't be having phone sex all the time either.
Some people might get my motive wrong on writing this blog entry on LDR, to clear things up a bit... I'm not that noble. I just feel that this piece of information from the article may come in useful in the future. Read it with a pinch of salt.
Semplice Simon
Saturday, November 05, 2005
Coming Out and Going Away
I've never felt so overjoyed and sad so quickly, over a short period of 14 hours. For very good reasons as I may explain to you soon. Went out for blading this morning with my Sec. School girlfriends. There were LZ, RY, SH and her husband CH.
I was so overjoyed to have finally found a RollerBlading Khaki in LZ. ~happy!~ She's especially interested in picking up lessons together with skateline and suggested we sign up together. She was good actually, at least she wasn't the one falling on her butt after a road hump.
We started blading for only 10 min, the thunderstorm came. Rain started pouring. ~sad!~ The RollerBladers took shelter in one pavilion while the cyclists took another one further down the road. Rained continually for half an hour. Both me and LZ started chatting about things like work, school and how long we've known each other. 14 years!! That's how long I've known these girlfriends. ~happy!~
The storm lifted and we continued blading and cycling for another half an hour. ~happy!~ It was too short for me though. The bicycles' timing was up and we had to return it quickly. Went back to mac for lunch and chitty chatty. Met this colleague of RY. Name is BG.. (Ba1 Gua4). My Gosh.. she's so Auntish!!!! can't believe she's our age. A bit ..big on the hind side... think it's child bearing.. She started chatting and sat down at our table without invitation. ~pissed!~ Started gossiping to RY about her children's school and teachers. RY teaches there by the way. BG continued with how RY ought to get married and that she's not getting any younger and blah blah. BTW, RY was my 1st bf's girlfriend of 5 years. Read my previous blog entries to understand better. :P We are sort of.. erghm good friends.. Quite a complicated situation. They don't know about me being part of the Rainbow Community though.
Anyway, we finally left and I sent LZ and RY back home. We had the most earth shattering conversation in my car.
"Are you girls seeing anybody? The lady just now was quite worried." ... I asked..
"Seeing anybody? No.. we are seeing you aren't we? hahhaa ... " ~lame~ ... LZ replied.
"No lar.. I meant.. like boyfriend girlfriend that kinda thing.. " I asked.. again..
"No leh, not at the moment. Work take up too much time. ..What about you leh?" RY answered ..
"I see .. hmm.. how long have we known each other?? " I asked ..
"Around 14 years since Sec 1?" LZ answered counting her fingers..
"Don't you find something quite strange about me over the years?" I asked.. sheepishly..
"Oh Oh.. that you never had a girlfriend before??? hahah " LZ answered animatedly..
"hahahaha.. what made you think that??? " I replied quickly..
"or.... You have other 'inclinations'..? hahahhhaah "... RY quizzed, giggling away..
"Actually, .. I do have.... " I answered hesitantly..
..... short pause ...
"How come you never brought her out to show us?? So bad!! " LZ answered again..thinking I have a girlfriend.
.. ~choke..~..
"Aiyoh.. I meant, I do have ... other inclinations .. I'm not Straight..!!" I corrected her quickly..
... uncomfy short pause ....
"Got boyfriend or not??? How come you never brought him out to show us?? " LZ answered ... again..
~happy!~ I can almost hear the choir singing "O Happy Day". Exactly how I feel. It took me quite a while to decide whether to tell them. After many years, and the fact I am getting to 30 soon. I've decided I should slowly open myself up to my closest friends. It didn’t' turn out half as bad as I've expected. MZ my faghag lesbo friend, was quite sure that all hell will break lose and they will not like what they are hearing. I was glad that she was wrong.. for the time being. LZ and RY was quite receptive about the whole thing, and I clarified with them my motive. I wanted us to be closer friends at a different plane now. Now we can at least admire guys together. hahaha... Of course.. many other things went through my mind about today, but I will leave the problem till tomorrow.
~sad!~ MZ told me she's leaving for Thailand for work. For three months or more. quite sad though. Went out for supper with her just now. I didn't tell her that, but I can't really bear to see her go. You know how some people we don't get to see everyday, for that matter.. .not frequent at all and when the news of leave breaks, a sensitive button is pressed. MZ is like a deep old tree planted in my heart. We've not been weathering through together for some time, and neither do I water it and make sure the sun comes. But when the tree is to be uprooted... the pain.. and vacuum can be felt almost like a piece of flesh being slice off.
Maybe the feeling of loss is still quite raw in me. With more partings, it's more apparent how vulnerable our hearts gets affected by changes in relationships. I wish that everything may be static and never changing. But change will always be the only thing constant. Like a Chinese saying goes, there will always be an end to every good banquet. I wish her all the best. Hope we'll get to spend chinese new year together next year.
Semplice Simon
I was so overjoyed to have finally found a RollerBlading Khaki in LZ. ~happy!~ She's especially interested in picking up lessons together with skateline and suggested we sign up together. She was good actually, at least she wasn't the one falling on her butt after a road hump.
We started blading for only 10 min, the thunderstorm came. Rain started pouring. ~sad!~ The RollerBladers took shelter in one pavilion while the cyclists took another one further down the road. Rained continually for half an hour. Both me and LZ started chatting about things like work, school and how long we've known each other. 14 years!! That's how long I've known these girlfriends. ~happy!~
The storm lifted and we continued blading and cycling for another half an hour. ~happy!~ It was too short for me though. The bicycles' timing was up and we had to return it quickly. Went back to mac for lunch and chitty chatty. Met this colleague of RY. Name is BG.. (Ba1 Gua4). My Gosh.. she's so Auntish!!!! can't believe she's our age. A bit ..big on the hind side... think it's child bearing.. She started chatting and sat down at our table without invitation. ~pissed!~ Started gossiping to RY about her children's school and teachers. RY teaches there by the way. BG continued with how RY ought to get married and that she's not getting any younger and blah blah. BTW, RY was my 1st bf's girlfriend of 5 years. Read my previous blog entries to understand better. :P We are sort of.. erghm good friends.. Quite a complicated situation. They don't know about me being part of the Rainbow Community though.
Anyway, we finally left and I sent LZ and RY back home. We had the most earth shattering conversation in my car.
"Are you girls seeing anybody? The lady just now was quite worried." ... I asked..
"Seeing anybody? No.. we are seeing you aren't we? hahhaa ... " ~lame~ ... LZ replied.
"No lar.. I meant.. like boyfriend girlfriend that kinda thing.. " I asked.. again..
"No leh, not at the moment. Work take up too much time. ..What about you leh?" RY answered ..
"I see .. hmm.. how long have we known each other?? " I asked ..
"Around 14 years since Sec 1?" LZ answered counting her fingers..
"Don't you find something quite strange about me over the years?" I asked.. sheepishly..
"Oh Oh.. that you never had a girlfriend before??? hahah " LZ answered animatedly..
"hahahaha.. what made you think that??? " I replied quickly..
"or.... You have other 'inclinations'..? hahahhhaah "... RY quizzed, giggling away..
"Actually, .. I do have.... " I answered hesitantly..
..... short pause ...
"How come you never brought her out to show us?? So bad!! " LZ answered again..thinking I have a girlfriend.
.. ~choke..~..
"Aiyoh.. I meant, I do have ... other inclinations .. I'm not Straight..!!" I corrected her quickly..
... uncomfy short pause ....
"Got boyfriend or not??? How come you never brought him out to show us?? " LZ answered ... again..
~happy!~ I can almost hear the choir singing "O Happy Day". Exactly how I feel. It took me quite a while to decide whether to tell them. After many years, and the fact I am getting to 30 soon. I've decided I should slowly open myself up to my closest friends. It didn’t' turn out half as bad as I've expected. MZ my faghag lesbo friend, was quite sure that all hell will break lose and they will not like what they are hearing. I was glad that she was wrong.. for the time being. LZ and RY was quite receptive about the whole thing, and I clarified with them my motive. I wanted us to be closer friends at a different plane now. Now we can at least admire guys together. hahaha... Of course.. many other things went through my mind about today, but I will leave the problem till tomorrow.
~sad!~ MZ told me she's leaving for Thailand for work. For three months or more. quite sad though. Went out for supper with her just now. I didn't tell her that, but I can't really bear to see her go. You know how some people we don't get to see everyday, for that matter.. .not frequent at all and when the news of leave breaks, a sensitive button is pressed. MZ is like a deep old tree planted in my heart. We've not been weathering through together for some time, and neither do I water it and make sure the sun comes. But when the tree is to be uprooted... the pain.. and vacuum can be felt almost like a piece of flesh being slice off.
Maybe the feeling of loss is still quite raw in me. With more partings, it's more apparent how vulnerable our hearts gets affected by changes in relationships. I wish that everything may be static and never changing. But change will always be the only thing constant. Like a Chinese saying goes, there will always be an end to every good banquet. I wish her all the best. Hope we'll get to spend chinese new year together next year.
Semplice Simon
Friday, November 04, 2005
Short Little Moosings - 8
All thanks to Jave, I finally got hold of a copy of Sandy's Album. Can't believe your resourcefulness. :) I owe you one. It not just contain all the "Love, Sandy" songs inside, but a selection of songs that did her popularity over the last 10 years. Of which, there is one particular song I've always wanted to get hold of on CD, but never really found it on her albums. It's "我心仍在". You know how certain songs when striking certain right chords, will ust permeate through our hearts into our soul. Something which captures our heartfelt attention effortlessly. This song does exactly that.
It's about partings, but not of a sad nature. Rather, filled with hope of continuance and a promise of wait and reinstatement. Sometimes partings are not as difficult as it seems, when you know you will always have someone whom you can fall back for help, and to rely upon. Whenever we walk away from someone we love, regardless of temporal or permanent, it's worth the remembering that they will always be there still waiting, and unchanging.
Here's the Lyrics, if you want the mp3. Do look me up on MSN.
歌曲名：我心仍在 (忆莲 杜德伟)
曲： DANNY BECKERMAN
词：许常德／刘得京 编：周国仪
不是尽头 MY DARLING 心更加依赖
别流泪也别说 GOODBYE 说你会等待
不是尽头 MY DARLING 心更加依赖
别流泪也别说 GOODBYE 说你会等待
我有最最深的爱 永远不更改
心仍在 我心仍在 不曾远走
因为爱你 放心你走 轻轻转身 不必停留
把心守在 相爱时候 还会再聚 这样祈求
我有最最深的爱 永远不更改
心仍在 我心仍在 不曾远走
风雨过后 星光依旧 我心仍在 不曾远走
不管多远 不管多久 刹那感受 一生拥有
我心仍在 我心仍在
Semplice Simon
Mood - Happy!
Feeling - Glad
Thinking - I'm not going to buy another lousy CORSAIR RAM
Love - My completed Gethsemane Album!!!
It's about partings, but not of a sad nature. Rather, filled with hope of continuance and a promise of wait and reinstatement. Sometimes partings are not as difficult as it seems, when you know you will always have someone whom you can fall back for help, and to rely upon. Whenever we walk away from someone we love, regardless of temporal or permanent, it's worth the remembering that they will always be there still waiting, and unchanging.
Here's the Lyrics, if you want the mp3. Do look me up on MSN.
歌曲名：我心仍在 (忆莲 杜德伟)
曲： DANNY BECKERMAN
词：许常德／刘得京 编：周国仪
不是尽头 MY DARLING 心更加依赖
别流泪也别说 GOODBYE 说你会等待
不是尽头 MY DARLING 心更加依赖
别流泪也别说 GOODBYE 说你会等待
我有最最深的爱 永远不更改
心仍在 我心仍在 不曾远走
因为爱你 放心你走 轻轻转身 不必停留
把心守在 相爱时候 还会再聚 这样祈求
我有最最深的爱 永远不更改
心仍在 我心仍在 不曾远走
风雨过后 星光依旧 我心仍在 不曾远走
不管多远 不管多久 刹那感受 一生拥有
我心仍在 我心仍在
Semplice Simon
Mood - Happy!
Feeling - Glad
Thinking - I'm not going to buy another lousy CORSAIR RAM
Love - My completed Gethsemane Album!!!
The FagStag's Unwavering Attempts
After the recent concert at Shalom BPC, I finally got to meet up with Kenneth Tan for coffee yesterday. It’s our routine over the years after we ORD. We made it a point to meet up once in a while to catch up on each other’s life. KT’s my fagstag ie. A straight guy friend who knows my sexual preferences. He’s very special to me. We got to know each other in 1996 when he was invited to our church as a guest pianist to play. Everybody said he looks like my twin brother. The height, fairness and haircut. I went up to him after the service to shake his hands :P On purpose? Haha Yes! Told him how well he played. Over the years, I developed this crush on him. But of course, nothing came out from it.
He’s getting married next year. 4th March. That could had been 1 day before my 6th year anniversary with my ex. We would had been celebrating it on the 5th of March. Messaged KT twice last few weeks that I’ve broke up. He never replied me. Disappointed, I was expecting some words of comfort from him, not denying the fact that he never agreed with my lifestyle. He responded the second time saying “I hope you are feeling better.. don’t really know what to say.” Didn’t blame him though. Just happy that he at least bothered.
We met up at Simei StarBucks yesterday. Our favorite place to hang out. We went through the whole feature of his marriage preparation and getting himself ready. Spent most of the time listening to him and asking questions only when he stopped to breath. He was saying how difficult it was for woman to get married. There were simply too many idealistic dreams and expectations on how their once-in-a-lifetime event is going to be. I wanted to find out more too and jokingly commented , I want my wedding to be as good as his!!
He knew his wife Xiao Y for coming to 6 years now, ironically similar to me, but they started seeing you other for 3 years plus. I knew his ex girlfriend too, Amabel, whom had been together for nearly 6 years before breaking up. There must be a curse before you reach your 6th year. Either you get married, or you break up. We met up together with Amabel for dinner at another gay friend’s place years back. She knew and was comfortable about us. Xiao Y on the other hand, still don't know about me. So there was this little discussion of whether to tell her. And the conclusion was not to, if there's no need for it.
Inevitably, our conversation had to steer towards my recent breakup. He asked, “So how is your, erghm.. you know.. !?”.. You see, the thing with KT was that he still couldn’t talk about my relationship without going into a bout of tongue-tied spasms. If I’ve talked about my sexual escapades with him, we’ll need an ambulance.
“You mean my breakup with Ben is it??” I asked nonchalantly. Saw him twitched at my words. I gave him a brief summary of what happened and what’s happening. His comments couldn’t be more predictable.
“You can still try you know!” He said, giving me the hopeful expectant look… “… Go for a girl!”. I nearly fell off my chair. Trying hard to suppress my horrified look. I gaped at him.
“You’re crazy right? THIS, can never ever happen in my life!!”. I was flailing my hands at him in a flamboyant manner, trying to drive my point across to him. He’s been trying to turn me straight for umpteen times.
“Ok then, go find yourself another boyfriend.”
Gosh, are they really that shallow? Or they think gays are as shallow as them? I ought to give him a good rap on the head.
“Well, hmm let me think. Ben’s attached now. So that’s that. The only other guy that I like, he’s attached too. So, the only chance of me seeing anybody else, is as remote as Pluto from Planet Earth. And I intend to keep it that way.”
He got the point.
Semplice Simon
He’s getting married next year. 4th March. That could had been 1 day before my 6th year anniversary with my ex. We would had been celebrating it on the 5th of March. Messaged KT twice last few weeks that I’ve broke up. He never replied me. Disappointed, I was expecting some words of comfort from him, not denying the fact that he never agreed with my lifestyle. He responded the second time saying “I hope you are feeling better.. don’t really know what to say.” Didn’t blame him though. Just happy that he at least bothered.
We met up at Simei StarBucks yesterday. Our favorite place to hang out. We went through the whole feature of his marriage preparation and getting himself ready. Spent most of the time listening to him and asking questions only when he stopped to breath. He was saying how difficult it was for woman to get married. There were simply too many idealistic dreams and expectations on how their once-in-a-lifetime event is going to be. I wanted to find out more too and jokingly commented , I want my wedding to be as good as his!!
He knew his wife Xiao Y for coming to 6 years now, ironically similar to me, but they started seeing you other for 3 years plus. I knew his ex girlfriend too, Amabel, whom had been together for nearly 6 years before breaking up. There must be a curse before you reach your 6th year. Either you get married, or you break up. We met up together with Amabel for dinner at another gay friend’s place years back. She knew and was comfortable about us. Xiao Y on the other hand, still don't know about me. So there was this little discussion of whether to tell her. And the conclusion was not to, if there's no need for it.
Inevitably, our conversation had to steer towards my recent breakup. He asked, “So how is your, erghm.. you know.. !?”.. You see, the thing with KT was that he still couldn’t talk about my relationship without going into a bout of tongue-tied spasms. If I’ve talked about my sexual escapades with him, we’ll need an ambulance.
“You mean my breakup with Ben is it??” I asked nonchalantly. Saw him twitched at my words. I gave him a brief summary of what happened and what’s happening. His comments couldn’t be more predictable.
“You can still try you know!” He said, giving me the hopeful expectant look… “… Go for a girl!”. I nearly fell off my chair. Trying hard to suppress my horrified look. I gaped at him.
“You’re crazy right? THIS, can never ever happen in my life!!”. I was flailing my hands at him in a flamboyant manner, trying to drive my point across to him. He’s been trying to turn me straight for umpteen times.
“Ok then, go find yourself another boyfriend.”
Gosh, are they really that shallow? Or they think gays are as shallow as them? I ought to give him a good rap on the head.
“Well, hmm let me think. Ben’s attached now. So that’s that. The only other guy that I like, he’s attached too. So, the only chance of me seeing anybody else, is as remote as Pluto from Planet Earth. And I intend to keep it that way.”
He got the point.
Semplice Simon
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
A Nice Little Story
My husband was an engineer. Since I met him, he was always an unflappable rock in my life. I knew he always had his feet firmly planted on the ground, and it seemed that no matter what else went crazy, he would be the one constant.
Three years of romance, and two years of marriage later, I got tired. He was the most unromantic man I know. He never bought me flowers, he never surprised me, and nothing changed in our marriage.
After some time, I finally found the courage to tell him that I wanted to leave him. He just sat there, speechless. My heart froze... what kind of man was I married to that didn't even know what to say to make me stay?
After a while, he spoke, "What can I do to change your mind?".
"I will stay if you can give me a good answer to this question," I replied coldly.
"If I asked for a flower that grew on a cliff, and you knew that getting it for me means certain death, would you get it for me?". His face grew troubled.
"Can I give you an answer tomorrow morning?" he asked. Hearing that kind of answer, my heart died. I knew that I could never be happy with a man who couldn't even give me a answer straight away.
The next morning, when I woke up, he was missing. In the living room, under a warm glass of milk, was a note. My eyes grew misty as I read it...
"Dear, I have my answer. I will never pick the flower for you if it meant certain death. But before you leave, I hope you can give me a chance to give you my reasons....
You will always sit in front of the computer and type about for the whole day, but everytime you will end up in tears cause your formating will always go all over the place... I need my fingers, to do the formating for you, so your tears will become smiles.
You like to travel, but would always get lost... I need my eyes, so that I can bring you to the nicest places on earth.
Everytime you leave the house, you would always forget your keys... I need my legs, so that I can run home to open the door for you.
You never knew how to take care of yourself... I need my hands to help you get rid of the pesky white hair you hate so much when you grow old, to trim your nails, to feed you.
So you see, that's why I can't pick the flower for you. Until I find someone who loves you more than I do, I will need my body to take care of you.
If you accept my reasons, then open the door, where I will be waiting with your favourite muffin."
With tears streaming from my eyes, I opened the door, and there he stood, with a extremely worried look on his face. He still had nothing to say, but just stood there waving the packet he had in his hand in front of me. And then I knew for a fact that I will never find another man who will ever love me as much as he does.
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean that they don't love you with all they have...
Simon wrote :
Very touching story. Reminds me of a friend who told me his bf seldom mentions their commitment verbally and says his “I Love You”’s. Each of us expresses love in the most unique way. No two person’s the same. We cannot expect them to express love the same way we do it. The best bet is to take a closer look at the smaller things that he does. Opening the door for you. Having his hand around your shoulders when you cross the streets. Buying the most useless things for you which he deemed useful. Asking you how’s your day, everyday etc.
If all these smaller things are overlooked, we can be left frustrated and empty. Months and years down the road when everything becomes routine in a relationship, it may seem that love’s running dry. It don’t have to be so if we can still appreciate the more diminished acts of love. Don’t’ miss them out. We can never appreciate someone enough until they are gone, or at least when prospects and threat of their leave become more apparent. I cannot agree more. It is then, when you will realize how accustomed you are to the smallest acts and gestures, little habits and subtle words his presence had already grown on you.
To my friends who are reading this, I hope your relationships may last as long as time persists. Don’t overlook the smaller details in love. Oh oh.. and one more thing.. Christmas’s round the corner, love is in the air !! … better start planning your romantic getaways!
Semplice Simon
Three years of romance, and two years of marriage later, I got tired. He was the most unromantic man I know. He never bought me flowers, he never surprised me, and nothing changed in our marriage.
After some time, I finally found the courage to tell him that I wanted to leave him. He just sat there, speechless. My heart froze... what kind of man was I married to that didn't even know what to say to make me stay?
After a while, he spoke, "What can I do to change your mind?".
"I will stay if you can give me a good answer to this question," I replied coldly.
"If I asked for a flower that grew on a cliff, and you knew that getting it for me means certain death, would you get it for me?". His face grew troubled.
"Can I give you an answer tomorrow morning?" he asked. Hearing that kind of answer, my heart died. I knew that I could never be happy with a man who couldn't even give me a answer straight away.
The next morning, when I woke up, he was missing. In the living room, under a warm glass of milk, was a note. My eyes grew misty as I read it...
"Dear, I have my answer. I will never pick the flower for you if it meant certain death. But before you leave, I hope you can give me a chance to give you my reasons....
You will always sit in front of the computer and type about for the whole day, but everytime you will end up in tears cause your formating will always go all over the place... I need my fingers, to do the formating for you, so your tears will become smiles.
You like to travel, but would always get lost... I need my eyes, so that I can bring you to the nicest places on earth.
Everytime you leave the house, you would always forget your keys... I need my legs, so that I can run home to open the door for you.
You never knew how to take care of yourself... I need my hands to help you get rid of the pesky white hair you hate so much when you grow old, to trim your nails, to feed you.
So you see, that's why I can't pick the flower for you. Until I find someone who loves you more than I do, I will need my body to take care of you.
If you accept my reasons, then open the door, where I will be waiting with your favourite muffin."
With tears streaming from my eyes, I opened the door, and there he stood, with a extremely worried look on his face. He still had nothing to say, but just stood there waving the packet he had in his hand in front of me. And then I knew for a fact that I will never find another man who will ever love me as much as he does.
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean that they don't love you with all they have...
Simon wrote :
Very touching story. Reminds me of a friend who told me his bf seldom mentions their commitment verbally and says his “I Love You”’s. Each of us expresses love in the most unique way. No two person’s the same. We cannot expect them to express love the same way we do it. The best bet is to take a closer look at the smaller things that he does. Opening the door for you. Having his hand around your shoulders when you cross the streets. Buying the most useless things for you which he deemed useful. Asking you how’s your day, everyday etc.
If all these smaller things are overlooked, we can be left frustrated and empty. Months and years down the road when everything becomes routine in a relationship, it may seem that love’s running dry. It don’t have to be so if we can still appreciate the more diminished acts of love. Don’t’ miss them out. We can never appreciate someone enough until they are gone, or at least when prospects and threat of their leave become more apparent. I cannot agree more. It is then, when you will realize how accustomed you are to the smallest acts and gestures, little habits and subtle words his presence had already grown on you.
To my friends who are reading this, I hope your relationships may last as long as time persists. Don’t overlook the smaller details in love. Oh oh.. and one more thing.. Christmas’s round the corner, love is in the air !! … better start planning your romantic getaways!
Semplice Simon
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Saving Face
 | Today's a holiday! Yippeeee..Can say, I had a good time today. It's been a while, but singlehood is really worth getting use to. At least, I can now do whatever I want to, not feel obligated, take my own time, and to actually enjoy my own company. Morning started out with a rush. Woke up around 8 and left my house only at 9. Went downstairs and had my favorite Nasi Lemak. Yea yea.. I am trying to maintain my 68kg, will be burning it off on Wednesday. I have to reach Toh Tuck HighGate Condo in Jurong for Church Choir Retreat. My former Pastor is speaking. I wanted to be there to ensure him that I am fitting in into the new church well. Took 30 min to reach the place. As usual, I am among the early birds. Apparently, many people can't find the condo. The condo gates has its name carved in cursive letterings so artistic, making Picasso's paintings look like some old crayon graffiti. The retreat went on quite smoothly at the Function Room. We had a message by Pastor, some singsipiration. The whole choir could sing parts, almost immediately. It's really a pleasure singing with them. Used to be shy singing in parts during fellowship meetings. Not many in my former church ever tried and bothered. In this church, it's almost by default that union parts are not allowed, you MUST sing in parts! We had cake to welcome the newcomers. They have to line them up in front of everyone and be asked funny questions. i'm not spared. One of those 3/8 question thrown at me.. "Do you have a girlfriend har..? We got many singles here!" .. Hey Sisters.. I'm gay lar. Can't you people ever leave my private life off the fraternization.??!? Any of you choir guys Gay and single??? Please step out hor!! The retreat ended at 330pm, after a long prayer session. Quickly sms a friend to meet me at Great World City at 4pm. His name's Kennie. We are not dating though, which I made clear to people whom I meet nowadays. That I am looking for just friends, and no plans for anything beyond tat. No offence meant lar Kenny!! He looks exactly like my primary school best friend. Met him off Fridae and a real friendly guy. We decided to watch a lesbian move "Saving Face". He had high commendations for this show and didn't mind watching it again with me. I treated him to the show while he's suppose to pay for dinner. While waiting for him to come, I took on a quick shopping spree. Bought a shirt from Zara, some hush puppies socks, and wet wipes for my car. Both of us drives. We left our cars and took a bus back to orchard for dinner at Din Tai Feng and another round of shopping. Orchard's swarming with gays... as usual. Time for the movie. It was FANTASTIC!! I never thought I could take in the sight of two women kissing and making out. But hey, it's not that bad after all. Joan Chen's acting was superb. The love and romance between the girls was so sweet! Don't know whether it's some sick joke, but they are always exchanging hotdogs whenever they met. The story's about two different forms of love, which was quite taboo then. Love between two girls, and between an older lady and younger man. What really struck me was how bold one demanded the other to prove their love publicly. Private loving and adoration within confines of the four walls, was not sufficient for commitment. That's a thought. There's many other interesting thoughts arising from this show for me. But am too tired to recollect it all. But please watch it if you have the chance. |
Semplice Simon
Monday, October 31, 2005
Our Activities
I had the fortune to meet up with a group of friends from "OurActivities" Yahoo Group. A bunch of very nice people. We went out for dinner at Fish and Co. at bugis, took a walk around Bugis Village for some dessert and ended up at StarBucks. The guys that turned up were Kelvin, Desmond Chua, Wang Yi and Jave. A friendly bunch of easy going guys with no hassle-tussle attitude. That's what I appreciate in friends. We chatted from the most mundane things like work and studies, to the more personal things like relationships and coming out. I really miss the good old sit-down-at-the-cafe chats with friends. It sure beats going to pubs and clubs and having your ear drums blasted out from the back of your heads and shouting over the top of your voice.
This group have been started about three years ago. I had been introduce to it by another friend, whom must have known that I needed these new friends to help me tide over other more depressing things in life. Something more outstanding about this group was that they organize dinner outings, outdoor activities and adventures, and other fun gatherings in chalets etc, instead for going pubs and sex clubs. I must say, it's just the tip of the ice berg as I'd not met the rest of the group yet. But all in all, it had been an enjoyable evening out.
It made me think back on the days of sgboy club, when I was involved as a club manager organizing activities for them during the 1999 - 2000 period. It was fun. I've helped with things like dinner outings and anniversary bash. But little did I realized then, how important it was for people of like-mindedness to gather together, go out and have fun together. All these activities have many important underlining agenda, which provides support and gives a sense of belonging to many young gay people out there. Something which I'd come to feel today, when I am not the one organizing it. It is difficult in conservative Singapore, to organize big gatherings and outings where a large group of gay people comes together. First we have to remove the stigma that come along with it, ie. the sex fuelled activities, and second to plant a healthier schema to it. If one were to succeed and go beyond these two steps, I would say that the group or club is a successful one.
There are groups and web portals in Singapore similar to this. Fridae, Sgboy, MAW etc and other more private which are by invitation only and not listed openly. All these provide avenues for gay people to make new friends and of course, to find their special someone. They all serve a manifold demand from the Rainbow community. Till now, I don't think anyone of us would have a problem finding a group which to connect and relate to.
Semplice Simon
This group have been started about three years ago. I had been introduce to it by another friend, whom must have known that I needed these new friends to help me tide over other more depressing things in life. Something more outstanding about this group was that they organize dinner outings, outdoor activities and adventures, and other fun gatherings in chalets etc, instead for going pubs and sex clubs. I must say, it's just the tip of the ice berg as I'd not met the rest of the group yet. But all in all, it had been an enjoyable evening out.
It made me think back on the days of sgboy club, when I was involved as a club manager organizing activities for them during the 1999 - 2000 period. It was fun. I've helped with things like dinner outings and anniversary bash. But little did I realized then, how important it was for people of like-mindedness to gather together, go out and have fun together. All these activities have many important underlining agenda, which provides support and gives a sense of belonging to many young gay people out there. Something which I'd come to feel today, when I am not the one organizing it. It is difficult in conservative Singapore, to organize big gatherings and outings where a large group of gay people comes together. First we have to remove the stigma that come along with it, ie. the sex fuelled activities, and second to plant a healthier schema to it. If one were to succeed and go beyond these two steps, I would say that the group or club is a successful one.
There are groups and web portals in Singapore similar to this. Fridae, Sgboy, MAW etc and other more private which are by invitation only and not listed openly. All these provide avenues for gay people to make new friends and of course, to find their special someone. They all serve a manifold demand from the Rainbow community. Till now, I don't think anyone of us would have a problem finding a group which to connect and relate to.
Semplice Simon
Sunday, October 30, 2005
Short Little Moosings - 7
One of the simplest joy of life which I realized, is eating alone. I've heard from many friends that they do not enjoy sitting down at a hawker center or restaurant, buy food and to sit down alone at a table to eat. Asking them why. They didn't want to look that lonesome eating there with no friends. It gives the general public looking at you, the impression that you are anti-social and without a decent friend to dine with. For me, it's a total relief sometimes to eat alone. Spent more time dissecting my food, looking at cute guys, casually inspecting the hygiene of each stall, looking at the cooks and chefs, observing other customers and just simply taking my own time.
More to it of course, it's a good time just to think about life, review my short term plan over a cup of Soya bean milk, while the rest of the world is bustling around you. Good to take a short break eating alone before joining the mad rush again.
Semplice Simon
Mood - Good
Feeling - Happy
Thinking - Is being tan a good thing?
Love - 鳳凰花季 by Ocean Ou
More to it of course, it's a good time just to think about life, review my short term plan over a cup of Soya bean milk, while the rest of the world is bustling around you. Good to take a short break eating alone before joining the mad rush again.
Semplice Simon
Mood - Good
Feeling - Happy
Thinking - Is being tan a good thing?
Love - 鳳凰花季 by Ocean Ou
Saturday, October 29, 2005
Change is Good
How much can you change for another person? Would you take that first step to alter certain aspect of your life, character, personality, ambitions, standards and principles? Would you take a detour and deviate from the plans you made in life to walk closer with that special someone? Something which is imprinted into the very depths of your soul. Would you change it? Not for your friends, nor your parents, but for the one that you truly love and who loves you dearly. Would you consider it a sacrifice on your own part, a temporary condescension, a weak compromise or a valuable investment? I must insist, that change is good and will yield the most priceless returns from a relationship.
Is there not a cause for you to change? If that stark difference is revealed and the other take offence, is that not a cause? Should one love the whole package regardless of how lacking it is, and falling short of one's expectations? The irony of it all. We often hear that to love his goods and bads is part of loving him. I do not totally buy this. What I do believe, is to talk about differences, come to a common understanding and to make an effort to change. Taking the first step to start the change does not guarantee immediate success. We are all extremely impatient, forgetful and ill disciplined creatures. The leopard cannot totally remove its spots. Change takes time and requires a slow painful process. Being patient throughout the process of change for the other, in itself is a very loving thing to do. It is necessary. I don't believe in using love as an excuse not to make one better suited for the other.
We can all say, we have no expectations of the other..there's no mould for him to fit in etc.. he can be whatever he is now, I'll still love him.... It's all hypocritical bullshit!! If you have just started in your first long term relationship, I celebrate your virgin attempt. For the rest of us who are gone through a few more guys, verily can tell you this sure thing : We have to constantly chant "He's not him he's not him he's not him.. " for a few months before it finally sinks in. Subconsciously, we still expect certain things from each other. And most of the time when we don't talk about it, the other will never know. Thus, it may seem that change isn't necessary, but what's actually lacking is just communication.
I see change as an expression of love. I see patience, when in waiting for that necessary change to take place, as an expression of love. I see loving everything about a guy regardless of what may come along with him, as love too, ironically. And I do see, not making the effort to communicate differences and to change, as destructive and selfish. In all this, is only my opinion and differs from how others may see it. It's not a secret formula to make a relationship work out either. It's just something which I've learnt over the years, which I try to put into practice. And of course, all these are easier said than done.
Do you believe when you meet that special someone, that he’s your missing jigsaw puzzle right from the start? I cannot really believe in such. Would not it all be too easy? Too discounted? Every hurdle that both of you overcome, deepens the love and understanding for each other. One of the hurdle is change .
Semplice Simon
Is there not a cause for you to change? If that stark difference is revealed and the other take offence, is that not a cause? Should one love the whole package regardless of how lacking it is, and falling short of one's expectations? The irony of it all. We often hear that to love his goods and bads is part of loving him. I do not totally buy this. What I do believe, is to talk about differences, come to a common understanding and to make an effort to change. Taking the first step to start the change does not guarantee immediate success. We are all extremely impatient, forgetful and ill disciplined creatures. The leopard cannot totally remove its spots. Change takes time and requires a slow painful process. Being patient throughout the process of change for the other, in itself is a very loving thing to do. It is necessary. I don't believe in using love as an excuse not to make one better suited for the other.
We can all say, we have no expectations of the other..there's no mould for him to fit in etc.. he can be whatever he is now, I'll still love him.... It's all hypocritical bullshit!! If you have just started in your first long term relationship, I celebrate your virgin attempt. For the rest of us who are gone through a few more guys, verily can tell you this sure thing : We have to constantly chant "He's not him he's not him he's not him.. " for a few months before it finally sinks in. Subconsciously, we still expect certain things from each other. And most of the time when we don't talk about it, the other will never know. Thus, it may seem that change isn't necessary, but what's actually lacking is just communication.
I see change as an expression of love. I see patience, when in waiting for that necessary change to take place, as an expression of love. I see loving everything about a guy regardless of what may come along with him, as love too, ironically. And I do see, not making the effort to communicate differences and to change, as destructive and selfish. In all this, is only my opinion and differs from how others may see it. It's not a secret formula to make a relationship work out either. It's just something which I've learnt over the years, which I try to put into practice. And of course, all these are easier said than done.
Do you believe when you meet that special someone, that he’s your missing jigsaw puzzle right from the start? I cannot really believe in such. Would not it all be too easy? Too discounted? Every hurdle that both of you overcome, deepens the love and understanding for each other. One of the hurdle is change .
Semplice Simon
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Does Length Matters?
More and more of my straight friends are going through shorter courtship before hitting the church wedding bells. It's official. Undersized romancing is the IN thing. Straight couples are together for less than 2 years and getting married earlier. After the nuptial rites, procreating rituals precedes every night and they cannot wait to contribute back to the society. Alas, it only works for heteros. They have many good reasons to stay the marriage commitment. Besides the children, they are legally bonded. Regardless how long they romance each other before matrimony, there's always the Big Brother who will give them a darn good reason to stay fastened after marriage. They will think carefully, twice, thrice before filing for divorce. There's a heavy tangible price to pay.
For us, the fabulous fags, we have nothing to tie us down. So does it really matter how long we know each other before announcing the date of a commitment party? In the end, the only tangible "face" reason is the total humiliation and embarrassment of breaking off once you've told everybody you guys would be together forever. I once heard from a gay friend why he wanted to tell his friends he was attached. He wanted to make it harder for himself to find an excuse to break off later. How lame. That's reality isn't it? The only thing that can stay a gay relationship together, is genuine undying love ( hello in there?!?!?! ) and with no other more substantial reasons.
There are people who keep celebrating their anniversaries. I'm no exception. I chose the yearly ones. But there are those who does it half yearly .. and even monthly. They invite countless peers to share in their bliss. Fiddle their happiness over the rooftop. But then, their relationship had only lasted less than a year. Does this kind of milestone marking spur their relationship to a longer period and greater height? I'm not too sure about it either. But in some deluded sense, it may contribute as a factor to hang on.
So my friends, don't court your guy too long. Don't romance for too long either. If you love him, throw a commitment party soon. No matter when you do it. It can never be, a good enough reason to keep the relationship strong. Do it earlier then.
Semplice Simon
For us, the fabulous fags, we have nothing to tie us down. So does it really matter how long we know each other before announcing the date of a commitment party? In the end, the only tangible "face" reason is the total humiliation and embarrassment of breaking off once you've told everybody you guys would be together forever. I once heard from a gay friend why he wanted to tell his friends he was attached. He wanted to make it harder for himself to find an excuse to break off later. How lame. That's reality isn't it? The only thing that can stay a gay relationship together, is genuine undying love ( hello in there?!?!?! ) and with no other more substantial reasons.
There are people who keep celebrating their anniversaries. I'm no exception. I chose the yearly ones. But there are those who does it half yearly .. and even monthly. They invite countless peers to share in their bliss. Fiddle their happiness over the rooftop. But then, their relationship had only lasted less than a year. Does this kind of milestone marking spur their relationship to a longer period and greater height? I'm not too sure about it either. But in some deluded sense, it may contribute as a factor to hang on.
So my friends, don't court your guy too long. Don't romance for too long either. If you love him, throw a commitment party soon. No matter when you do it. It can never be, a good enough reason to keep the relationship strong. Do it earlier then.
Semplice Simon
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