1 Year Anniversary

8 Dec is our first anniversary. I had an exceptionally enjoyable weekend. Both of us found a new haunt together. Nothing beats the new VivoCity and it's GV. We use to go Great World City cos of the lesser crowd on weekend, and the extremely comfortable seats in the cinema. But more to the fact that we both didn't like crowded places. (ie. unless there are lots of cute boys to look at). We spend our friday and sunday roaming Vivo and saturday was at taka shopping. It was a bit frustrating on Friday, cos we couldn't really find a nice place to have dinner. Both of us didn't make prior reservations anywhere. I was thinking of not making it too much of a celebration actually.. Too much fireworks kills off the stars. I thought we just wanted to quietly mark the special occasion. After walking up and down we decided to eat the doll up japanese restaurant. It was nice. We had prawn tempura, soft-shell crab, nigiri sushi, grilled eel and beef thingie.. a bit pricey but was quite worth it. We had seats overlooking the harbourfront and view can be breath taking at night. Chatted for quite a while until 930pm++ before deciding to leave.

After dinner, we took a walk down habourfront, poked fun a bit at the decor. They have a gigantic snow man and looking like a bowling pin, and a flower tree that looks more evil and poisonous than enchanted. Nice breezy breeze... :) Drove back to his place to exchange AnniGifts. It's really fun to exchange presents with him. I love surprising him and vice versa. It's interesting what kind of gifts we buy for each other. He's always buying something which I thought I might get it myself in the future, or something which I didn't know that I needed it, or something which I will find of good use in my life. We would always be there to discover and try to provide for each other's needs.

After spending a year plus plus with him and with seeing him almost every other day and most weekend. We went through a lot of chatting and talking, many heated discussions, some thorny arguments and a few major quarrels.. I have learnt many things from him and about him. I am very thankful that we made it for this one year. He has been most patient and tolerant towards me. And I am beginning to see that the hard nut isn't that tough to crack after all. I guess we can both agree it's because of age and maturity. Our temperaments and moods, feelings and thoughts on our experiences in life, cannot carry us off our feet that easily anymore. We think more logically with our heads and exerts a firm control on emotions, better I think. I'm beginning to realize what it means to just cherish the moment and make it work better for us. That's the most important I wish to have in our relationship. To make right for the present, to be able to talk about things and communicate everything objectively, to know when to stand firm and when to let go.

It's amazing that through this 1 year, there are quite a few things in a relationship that I have had never knew about... and also putting in practice those oft talked about formulas to work out love. It's never easy to make things perfect. But it's the cherishing of the moment and loving of each other with as little conditions as possible, which really make things happen.

Semplice Simon

He left us forever...

I'm not sure how I should approach this writing on someone whom I'd known for years yet not deep enough to even call him as a good friend. Li Kai is gone forever, as his sister had described to us over the SMS. He had left us. A fleeting moment of the precious bloom, a single bow to the pending sunshine before disappearing like that dew of the morning dawn. It was indeed premature of him, as time had always been against him.

I got the news this morning. Dumbstruck and horrified.. It's not everyday that a friend of yours whom you had known for years, jumps out of a window and kills himself. My monday mood was deeply affected by this sudden break of news. He was up and well, healthy and happy weeks back according to a few others. I saw him a couple times when running, and had always had long long chats with him downstairs even though I have had missed half of my run. I fixed his PC twice, with much complaints though. I rejected to help him the third time with much regrets now. How silly could I be? Fixing his PC wouldn't had taken much of my time, same as making an appointment with him, asking him out of coffee and finding out how life's been treating him.

I got to know him through Desmond, another gay friend of mine. Des and I knew each other from JC for a short while, before meeting each other on IRC a year or so down the road. I met Des' friends and LiKai was one of his. Very nice and somewhat melancholic. All in all, a person who's full of passion and struggles like the rest of us. I knew he was facing some problems over the years. Depression perhaps? He had much problems and troubles at work and home and with friends and boyfriends. He never had much luck with relationships too. I gathered that many broke his heart.. and he could never really work himself out of these problems. It's like a web which tightens its grip on him when the more he struggled. Knowing all these, and knowing what happened today, how I wished I had taken up my coffee chat offer with him seriously, and to sit down and find out in what manner I could had helped him resolve things in life. But it's all too late now.

I just came back from his wake... saw his body in the casket. I held my breath and uttered.. "Farewell my friend... you'll be remembered.."† I am still grappling with the fact of his violent death. If it would had been anybody else, the impression wouldn't be that deep. In this case, when friends whom you had somewhat joined part of your life with, they inevitably takes a piece of your soul into their body. I might be post traumatic, but I can almost feel every bit of his terror when he took the plunge. I can feel it. It strikes me even deeper now how important Des' friendship will be to me, and many others. This is worthy of note... because of his departure, I now am reminded again of how each moment is precious with people around me.

Semplice Simone

Nipping it at the Bud

I'd recently spied a few interesting news on the Chinese Newspapers. Something which I felt was quite surprising. You may find it as normal as any other day. Something different I hope you might see after you read my blog. The first incident was the recent death of a 46 year old odd job labourer, who jumped to his death on that fateful night at Chinese Gardens MRT. He died a tragic death and his body had to be picked up in pieces after the train had its head on go at him. He was poor. Only an amount 16 dollars was found on him. The news reported that he left a wife with polio, a factory worker with two sons. The media didn't fail to pick details on this misfortune, engaging the attention of the general public (ie. like me) easily. The ball started and the donations came rolling in. The last I heard, they were drawing in 150K. It's quite amazing the compassion Singaporeans readily shows to people who had seen that end of the road.

But wat struck me most was the answer and question which I searched for earnestly that evening at the news stand. I grabbed a copy of the NewPaper, hoping blankly that somebody's eyes had finally opened to the obvious question. Reading through the details I found it. There was one complete column written by counsellor calling on the appropriate officials to consider the same burning question I had. How did this family missed out on the multi channels available to them for help? There were people out there so willing to reach out to the poor, the struggling person down and out in life. The counsellor claimed that maybe it was a matter of communication, education or mere pride that stopped them asking for help.

Maybe it was a chinese thing. But according to Marcus, the main providence of a living for the family is the basis of life the chinese family fights to meet. Anything compromising this providence of the father male figures, compromise his very dignity in life. They simply refused to seek help. The mother despite not having to able to use her left hand, starts works in a factory and yet keeping mum that they had paid the utilities bills for 4 months. Owing the officials, a hefty 400++ dollars.

To look a further step, my other burning question was... Could this people and their problems be picked out quickly even though they did not initiate and seeks rescue? I could really find the answer as a simple yes. The school teachers could have identify the children who were nutrition or at least paid house visits? How come nobody's checking on people who are missing out on paying their utilities bills? The mother's factory? Does the HR Departmet follows up the the immediate family and their financial status? The income tax declaration.. does anybody analyse or at least pivot off the families having problems, filtering them off to the correct channel or facet of help?

All the above preventive measures could have happened to prevent this tragedy. The truth was it didn't. The questions are many with many more other possible answers. My conclusion? Maybe there are too many quick singaporeans to share their money with the unfortunate, but not enough precious human love to go around when they are alive?

Semplice Simon.

One Short of Thirty

I woke up this morning determined and cautious, counting my stars right that it would be simply a pleasant and non traumatically explosive day for me. It's my birthday!! Yipeee..Marcus was the first to sing me a birthday song. The born-in-the-zoo thing... Mingzhu was next. Meiyi's baby son was born yesterday. So that's another miraculous coincidence. A list of friends came wishing me a Happy and Blessed birthday and there were the usual couple of surprise as usual. Friends whom I never thought remembered, actually remembered. Not that I would ever blame anybody for forgetting my birthday, I don't really remember theirs either. It's time to find out theirs, or at least set in reminders in my Palm.

Nothing exceptionally irritating at work today. Nearly couldn't leave on time. My accountant was chasing me for some stupid Cash Accounting Reporting. Due to system constraints, I have to report how our Cash Flow is doing and what are the variuos element breaking that "flow". Nope, nothing much else at work. Quickly grabbed my bag and ran like the wind. It's my birthday godamnit!!!

I was very excited with what Marcus is doing today. He asked me what I wanted months back. I told him a Sandwich will do. He's always so amazing with his creative ideas and calculated planning in prepare the "Sandwich". We went off the Chen Fu Ji to eat the incredible fried rice with the not-so impressive hot plate toufu and pork ribs. He came up with the sandwich, place a candle on it and I made a wish. What's with the sandwich? I was expecting a simple ham or turkey sandwich, but instead, he spend the afternoon putting together a 9-layered. : Bread, Cheese, Ham, Sun dried tomatos, lettuce, Pork Floss, Olives, frresh strawberry, Fresh tomatos ...hehee.. I ate it all up. YUMS..! It tastes quite interesting....I could taste italian... chinese... Fruit Fresh.. preserved sourness.. they all stand out quite well.

After dinner, we took a walk around Riverside Point.. going Liang Court, bought chocolates, bought some bargain books and music scores from kino. Went down to see an open field area to see guys flying doodle plane thingie. It's a light weight remote controlled propellor plan. Lit up with neon colored wings and zooming and gliding pass in the air. He kept stressing that my birthday was "just-like-that..".. i knew he had something up his sleeves. I have no qualms with my birthday going past peacefully, going thirty but short of 1, we could all appreciate a pleasant non-exciting day.

We went back to his place after dinner. :) He bought a few things for my Birthday, there was a "Stella" Dvd by Bette Midler imported from the states. I was always looking for it ever since I saw it many years ago. It's not widely known. Thus most shops wouldn't bother to bring it in. There were a few more other gifts. A set of Aaron Speakers.. a NAD amplifier, Vincent Ng latest book for oogling, Josh Groban sing-along-cd plus book!! Gosh .. I always like Josh Groban's Music, but not everybody can sing his songs. There was "Parallels for Mac", a program used to run other OS as a virtual machine. Very useful indeed!!



I generally do not bother much with birthday, left on my own I don't thinkI would have bothered to do anything at all. My parents will cook etc. But after coming to certain age like 30, it's probably not a glad thing to remember and celebrate another life token taken away. I'd ot bee ntoo fruitful over the last 1 year and thus, not reassuring to know that I am short off 1 year to accomplish what we had set out to do in life. Birthdays are like, milestones perhaps. In a project, I was taught in PM course that we were suppose to plot in milestone in my project plan, so as to stop pause and examine a few thing. Like budget, resources, deliverables and timing etc.. We will find ouselves to be oddly out of sync with what we initially put up, a fabulous plan it was.

Life's like a big gantt chart perhaps, with many milestone and everytime we review it, we are falling short of it. There are the lucky ones, who achieves almost everything they had planned for, and when the birthday comes, it's tick they put on the check box. Tasks completed.

Perhaps the reason why I have had been letting my birthday past with not much of excitment, is the fact that I did not achieve substantial and important milestone in my life. Coming to think of it, what is there to celebrate actually? An increment in my job? A new and more exciting job? Quite shallow hor? Must think of something. Maybe by next year before my Sep birthday, I can work out a milestone that's worth celebarating the birthday to !!!

Semplice Simon

A Singaporean Dreaming

I finished watching the movie "Singapore Dreaming" directed by Dr Woo Yen Yen. The show basically depicts life's big dreams being unfulfilled in modern Singapore Living. I never did pin very high hopes on local singapore productions, but over the years' of improved productions both on the big screen and in theater, it would do justice to local directors and producers/writers, to see their works and appreciate a taste besides the hollybollywoods. And I wasn't disappointed at all.

The show started with the lady singing an oldie in Hokkien, for which I was too motified to think it would carry the signature singlish and half past english hokkien kind of language for the whole show. It did not turn out that bad. There was a good mix of Hokkien, Chinese, Good english, good singlish etc... If you can't understand Hokkien well, you might just miss a few good hearty jokes here and there.

The story is about a family living in Singapore, heavily in debts and struggling to make ends meet. When the father struck the 2 million lottery, it might seems that the sudden wealth will solve all problems they faced. It is not to be so, watch how the married sister struggles with the bitterness to having second best to her brother, and the second preferred to the parents. See how the husband she married had to fit into the big Singapore dream of making it rich, and to suppress his deepest desire to become a rock musician. By the way, I still don't undestand why the china beer lady asked him for $100 and he turned up later the next morning for the funeral. I am trying not to think that he slept with her. The father, having slogged half his life away in debts of his son's oversea studies 's school fees, had to himself helped his boss work as a credit collector. The son Ah Seng, whom the whole family had pinned their hopes on, tried to led everybody into a false hope and confidence that he actually made it. He only managed to study in a Polytechnical University? That's apparently not a big thing in singapore... according to the indian interviewer. There's also the future to be daughter in law and wife to be of Ah Seng, whose simple world revolves around taking pictures via phone of every other days' mundane events and put in her blog, and faithfully awaits and wishing hard for the day Ah Seng comes and marries her. And last by not least, I applaud the wife, who gave a stunning, refined and precise representation of the whole essence and spirit of the movie.

The bottom line of the show would be what the China lady said : "Some gave up their dreams to work hard and earn money, regardless iif t's the things they don't enjoy. Some use what talents they have and work hard now, so as to fulfill those dreams they have, in the future."

Which one are you? I can only raise my hand in surrender to note, I'm of the first kind. I never really did enjoyed doing Computing and IT. I took it in Poly and Uni simply because it allows me to make a living. My first love was music. I love to play the French horn, the flute and to do conducting. I picked up singing later but still, all these were my first love. After watching the movie, perhaps I should make a long term plan, to see whether I can return to fulfill my dreams. Without realising our visons in life, and living it to fulfill those dreams and passions, wouldn't it be that we are safe but only half real?

Simply Simple MacCookiest Simon

Thou Shalt Surely Crash

Guess what? I was trying to organise my picture in my iPhotos just and MacCooki crashed! Can you believe that? The pop up screen came up neatly and politely addressed the apparent horror I was feeling, telling me that something not "nice" had happened and none of my other applications were affected. It even asked me to provide Apple with details on what was happening before IT actually happened. I wasn't resenting the fact the Mac actually aborted a program prematurely, rather bitter at the realization; Nothing is ever dependable in life. Nothing is indefinitely unchangeable, null-degenerative and immutable. My dependabe little air con might break down know, my fan my start making choky noise and fail on me. My bed might break one of its leg, the window might fall off the hinges and as I am typing away, my wardrobe might just decide to collaspe on me. Nothing and I repeat, nothing is dependable. As Murphy always put it, as something is too go wrong, it will surely come to pass. This is to say of all computer gadgets and devices.

I had recently witnessed a few of my friends being caught in panic when their computers were invaded by an unknown virus or spyware. There was much hooha as expected with the usual rushing around to seek help.. From the knowledgeable Techies, the the whimisical Computer Geeks to the unorthodox Computer Bomohs... None to which, were able to solve their problems. The best solution that i could anyone? The Three Golden Rules of Computer Usage (ie. applies only the Windows and PC users).

They are :

1. Never keep important documents on the same partition/hard disk.
2. Makes sure Virus Scan is up, Windows Firewall is up, Windows/Office Update done.
3. Back up a set of your Programs/Documents externally, and know how to redo your own computer.

In fact, I make it a half yearly event to format my pc. Not just for the fun of it, but to get rid of any strange programs/spyware that might have been written in without my knowledge. There you have it. My point being, not to be too dependent on machines and gadgets. If you even need them for life, make sure you know how to survive resurrecting them.

MacCookiest Simon

Panic Attacks!

I just had a panic attack yesterday. Made an appointment with my hairdresser to have her (butch friend) cut my hair in the newly opened salon at east point simei. Didn't manage to make it clear in the telephone conversation and she ended up having to wait for me at temesek towers instead. Now that's a big boo boo... given that i had even asked my other buch friend MZ to join me. She wanted to see the other butch friend of mine. ok. I'm not too sure whether it's even appropriate to use the term butch on them but they are two very good lesbo friends of mine. MZ being with me for 16 years already and the other, having to had cut my hair since 1994. From my short sec school hair cut.. to the Poly big bob pong pong hair.. to the sudden short clip, to the army shaved and finally ending up today... Anyway back to the topic.. she was later and I was waiting.. waited for 1.5 hours before she came... cut my hair and rushed off to the library to collect a book with MZ.

Marcus was having dinner with Keith.. hmm.. his long time crush. Ok.. nothing's between them but I do feel a bit uneasy whenever they meet up. I don't really mind them actually.. but the fact that it's a long time crush and he's quite cute.. makes me feel a bit .. jealous? insecure? haha i'm not too sure myself. But they are alright. Waited for the carparks here and there. finally collected my book and had to watch MZ have dinner. All the while, we were talking lesbos and their relationships, their uncertaintiies etc.. We aren't that different after all!

I was quite eager to get home. Since i needed to read a couple of books and to pick a few thing, iTuned my music play with my mac etc.. I was quite desperate. Finally MZ fini her Fuzhou Fishballs and rushed again and sent her back home finally reaching home around 930pm. Gosh.. haven't even eaten my dinner yet. Complained a bit about mum having to cook everytime I have outside appointment.. had a bit of lashing out from Dad about me being an ingrate.. and finally hitting the weights. Did 6 x 12 sets of squats and itunes at the same time... and bathed. My books!!!

Start reading around 1030.. really pissed by then.. i was feeling a bit breathless... i not have enough time to finish my stuff. I felt my skin turning cold and felt some jitters crawling up. I tried to catch my breath. To my horror .. i saw visions of the problems I am facing.. the things I am supposed to do.. all turned into life like statues and pointing fingers at me accusingly. I tried suppressing but the silent scream escaped.

Slammed my book shut grab my mac and went back to my bed room. Switched off the bedroom light and sms Marcus.. knew he might still be dwindling with Keith so decided to sleep. Still felt panicky. Marcus called.. I told him wat i was doing and the problems I was facing the whole day. As usual... he's always so patient and sweet at the right times... anyway.. I told him it was a ridiculous time to discuss matters like this pass midnight.. i just wanted to sleep.

This was a panic attack for me .. I never felt time as so strain and thin and my life line hanging thread before. It's an alarming experience. Woke up this morning and told myself.. i need to prioritise.. focus and relax. Life need not be so messy. Take it one at a time. Who's gonna ruin my life beside myself? :)

Simon MacCooki

A Simple Reason

How many things in our lives allows us to make a split second decision and convince ourselves that it's the right thing to do? Blabbering nonsense again yes? Yes! Well, I am quitting my current job now. And the reason which I gave? I'm not happy anymore. Like the many other things in life and the way I approach them nowadays, is the need for urgent let's-not-waste-another-thought-on-it kinda of decisions. Having most of the colleagues which I used to worked with quitting and having their jobs dumped on me, and plus the fact that my lady boss favours fat and charismatically woman please bald man to work for her. I don't exactly fall into her list of pampered babies. She needs to express her materal instincts desperately. As such, much work had been dumped on me because of the fact that I am capable and intelligent .. ( vomit. ) and also, I have the courage to make difference and stand up for my views.

But those reason aren't enough to keep my shoes down and my leg on the ground. I give up. Totally. When she pulled me into the room and asked me for the reason, I told her straight without the slightest tinge of hesitation. I am not happy. I can't possibly see any reason better than that to stop me from changing job. Isn't that the same with many other things we should do in life after 30? I am not happy, I am fedup, don't give me this crap i don't need this.. blah blah.

It took me another 3 months plus to push into the gear of job hunting and finally finding myself one in an established logistic firm in Changi.. near my house thank God. I am happier now, well at least until I start work. But hey, can't blame me for trying to myself happier yes? It's a simple reason.

Simple MacCookiest

MacFun

There are still so many things to learn on this MacBook. There are countless softwares and other cool utilities to explore. Planning to get a book on it this weekend and to read througt. Getting many sources of information from MH too. From magazine, the forum etc. It makes me wonder why I didn't really bothered to learn about it last time. Why do I find it so fun now? But not then? Perhaps I am just another 5 min heat on this short craziness. I hope not. I didn't incur this sudden expense on a short heated feeling.

I guess I am very much like this in life. I never really favored Technology stuff and following up on the trends and gigs of this IT New World has not really been m favorite past time. I would seriously be doing some other things. Singing? Continuing with my horn playing? Hanging out with friends and of course, spending more time with Marcus. All this fun things sometime chokes up more than it oughts to. What am I blabbering about again? Nowadays I cannot even get my train of thoughts correct and in sequentially linked and logical manner.

Did I mention that I am changing job again? Yes... again. I cannot stand my current company anymore. Fancy having to work more when your boss thinks you are able to manage with the extra manpower that just resigned. One of my favorite colleauge's last day today. It was fun with to have her around. I didn't really enjoy her company initially when we first met. The usual happend. As time passes we find the likes of each other and hit it off better. To somehow realise this joy and fun of a companion which I'd found in her. Well, she's no more.

Somethings takes a long time for to realise the loveliness of it, some other things we realised within a short while. While it may still stand to test whether whither of which is able to stand the test of enduring interest, I can only say, I have just begun enjoying MacFun!

Simon MacCooki

My MacCounter

As the man walked to the store behind and emerged with a box in his right hand, my heart beat increased and could faintly taste that dry eagerness on the back of my throat. My fingers had a tingling sensation to them, something which I have long awaited for weeks have finally come. This man is going to give it to me. As he approached, i briefly stuck out my tongue and lick my lips and poised myself for the coming orgasmic experience. It's mine!! Finally...

He placed the box on small little panel in front of me, i rubbed my hands with glee as we brushed our shoulders. I could see the glitter in his eyes mirroring mine. As his hands reached for the box and lifted the lid, rays of glorious light beamed fast out of the inner treasure onto our faces. I held my breath as his quivering hands reached further and pulled free the one thing I have been yearning after. The MacBook!!!

I have been planning to dive into the Mac Technology for quite a number of years. I never did get the chance to fully try and test. Adopting this set of skills was not necessary for me still. But with upcoming Intel Duo Core and the vast possibilities Apple could explore with this realization of Intel Technology and its architecture, there are many wonders that will come about from acquiring this new experience. It has now become important for me as an IT Professional to tell others, I have a Apple Mac at home!

I do not think my skills are ever complete without learning this part or at least experience as a Entry Level beginner to the world of Max OS. I cannot afford to tell my IT peers that know not that one thing which has brought much joy to the computing experience of others. I must learn it!

Of course there are more things I can still do with this piece of gadget, and there are definitely more things to learn. I have still groping in the dark. I hope to get hold of the books and to at least master the essentials.

Wish me the best in this crusade into the world of Macs.

Simon MacCooki

Soul mates and Companions

Everybody has their own definitions of what a soul mate and a companion is supposed to be. According to the dictionary, a soul mate is one whom you have a deep affinity to. Affinity would be a strong attraction which comes naturally to both parties. A companion would be a person who merely provides a physical presence and depicts one of a lower worth, maybe. How would we know who our soul mate would be? Would you want to spend your life with a companion? We all set requirements, standards and moulds to which we benchmark our peers to them. We measure them, size them up over time and gradually make a classification of their roles in our lives. A soul mate? Or simply a companion. We cannot make these decisions so early in our first encounter with that special someone, but as time passes, this process of categorization, kicks in subconsciously.

I do have my own idea of what a soul mate ought to be like. I sincerely think that there are many soul mates out there. People who I feel the strong bond of friendship and connection almost very quickly and naturally. There were also those that got themselves filtered out from the fleeting acquaintances and friends of superficiality, over a long period of time. In all them, I feel a strong affinity in them. To confide in them my deepest problems, my darkest fears, my truest self, and weakest struggles etc. I never had to fear them placing too quick a judgment on me, misunderstanding my point in a flash, and or simply not able to understand me. But alas! I can say there are not a lot of these people in my life. A few good juicy apples fill the whole stomach. It's better than to have a basket full of lousy ones.

The thing about soul mates is the fact that we want them to keep us companion for the rest of our lives. I cannot imagine spending my life with merely with someone who only provides a physical presence in my life and may never connect with the strong bond and affinity. I rather not have it. I cannot have someone who is my soul mate, and am not able to spend my life with him or her. It's inconceivably tragic! The last thing I want is for me to be merely a companion but is not able to be his or her soul mate. I rather not have it. It is not what I want either.

There are those who believe that there can only be one soul mate, and that they don't have to spend the lives together. Some believes they are the complete other half of their soul, and finding them would complete their life. But a soul is a soul, it belongs to us, the "mate" is an external party, and does not refer to another half of the same essence. Essentially, a soul mate is just another companion. Mate is synonymous with companion. Perhaps a bit nearer to our soul, but definitely not a torn away half.

This idea of soul mate is intrigues me very much, and it still sets me thinking what kind of role I am currently playing. The idea can be explored further. Would I be content playing companion? I don't think so. We all would like to improve ourselves and worth in another person's life. It takes time to come closer to each other's soul. It is a process and needs time to develop.

Semplice Simon

To Teach or Not To Teach

It's been another long week at work. Much scandals and politicking had been arising from various shift in the department organization chart. Good news was that I managed to shift myself up in 2 postion to be directly below my project leader. The bad news is the increase in job responsibilities and projects. Furthermore, I cannot set my mind into changing another job as easily I could. My project leader now is much confident, and dependent on my ability in helping her to sweep up the mess others created for her. To have to dump her the shitty job, I probably have to tell myself to be heartless. ie. That's not really too difficult for me if I should set my mind in that.

Anyway, been recently offered a teaching position in ACS(I). ok.. Cute Boys!! That's the first thing that came into my mind. haha.. Much apprehension after that. I don't want to have my picture appearing on the newspaper to having molested some cute innocent boys. Should i take up the offer then? I am thinking about it seriously as the offer had not been made to me yet. I can't deny the fact that other advantages comes along with being an academic, and the cons being not able to return to the industry ever again.

Life's full of decisions, and one of its kind, and classic it is, would be to make a decision for self gain and satisfaction, as oppose to loyalty. I can stay for my colleagues.. my friends. But as one of my colleague would now say to me, you can stay for them.. but will the stay for you? It's each man for his own in the cruel world. I cannot agree more.

Semplice Simon

Yodeling Yodeling.. !!

I returned home just now feeling very much satisfied with myself. I'd sang a lot this weekend. Marcus painstakingly put together a book of songs recently and compiled a cd with all the sample MP3 and backup music for them. I can't denied my excitment to listen to them and to try my best to copy certain styles. I've never really taken a liking for opera. They didn't make sense to me. But as the days went, the more I listend to Marcus and his singing, and all the other sampling of fantastic tenor voices; being induced with a growing interest is inevitable.

I have a lot of things to improve in my vocal techniques. Began teaching choirs for like 11 years ago with zero knowledge. Along the way, there were much help to what a choral sound should sound like. I strongly advocate the belief in "Musically Sound Common Sense" and of its approach to musical interpretation. I believed that we don't have to be professinally trained all time. But boy was i wrong. I realised over the years that, some time, we do need to extra professional advice from somebody who does know their stuff.

I came from a wind band background and playing french horn and flute took up nearly another 8 years of my time. Never could I imagine that I would be working so hard on my vocal works, to master that musical instrument which is nearer to my soul. I very happy that I am improving. Along the way, Marcus had identified certain wrong techniques which I'd adopted, and some other things to polish on. Same as my other "vocalistic" friends, they had identified the same set of problems with my voice.

Basically, I lack air support, the high ringing and projectivity of a tenor voice, the italian/german flavor to opera and lots of other things. It takes time but I guess I will get there.

Semplice Simon

Things We Don't need at 30

One good thing about aging, is that when you come to a ripe "old" age of 30, you realised that you have put up with many nonsensical things in life. Finally, you put down your foot on it all and says to yourself, regardless of the consequences, I just don't need this anymore. On contrary to people who would think that they would cherish people and their sentiments more when growing older. I don't really think that works for me at this time. In fact, I have recently come to a conclusive end to a few good individuals in my life.

Not that I hate this people. But after a very very long period of time over years. It just seems that there are problems and hurdles which cannot be crossed. They keep coming back. And it makes one wonder whether anything objective or beneficial may result from this mad pursuit of harmony and peace in a human to human relationship. Do we need this at all, really? I am not too sure about that anymore. If it doesn't work for me, and it is not worth the trouble, and can be easily replaced with something of weightier significance and importance. Why not? Let's call it quits then. Perhaps the question is not really whether we need certain people in our lives, but rather do we need each other at this present moment? If a relalationship does not transact to a mutually profitable and edifying exchange of feelings and emotions, I dare say, we don't need it at all.

The other side of the coin would be this : would we be going from person to person, friend to friend, trying to find that few that can be included in our inner circle of friends. We would then seek a pleasing and harmonious relationship with that few elite while dumping everybody else that comes along first with their first signs of offence? Again I must insist, that my theory might work and is excusable. It took me many years to finally come to these conclusion about some people. Is that a good reason to justify life without them?

Semplice Simon

Statistics and Probability

Mathematics happened to be one of my favorite subjects in Sec. School. I easily scored top marks in my school for mathematics and the crazy old bag of a maths teacher seemed to like me alot. He invited me and MZ quite often to his house for a time of "discussion" on his mathematics solving skills and stock market strategies. (ie. I could never understand the latter) There was one particular part of maths which I never really could grasp well. Yeap.. StateyProbs.. My maths teacher never ceased to amaze me on how important, Stats and Probs can be. The light hearted examples being in playing Cards, poker, casinos and mahjhong! Stats and Probs plays a very important part in these games. Game Theory they called it? I was never too fascinated with it. Stats and Probs to me, had always been a very abstract branch of maths.

They basically calculate how "it could have been" s.. and what "it could become" s.. Don't make sense? Yeah.. it's doens't make sense to me either. I'm not trying to downplay this department but maths to me, should be something very precise and used for evidential purposes. In other words, to solve, prove and reason. Stats and Probs draws more grey areas than the black thick lines.

My colleague recently shared about the possiblity of striking gold if we have a thousand dollar to spare, keeps buying the same set of numbers for 4Ds.. It seems incredible and yet logical to me that it will work in the long run. After a chat with Marcus, I was put in a clearer perspective that, of all the scenarios availing from a 1000 dollar bill. Each number is of equal possibility. The only real difference, the how much one can spare to buy 4D, and how greedy, obsessed, determined, desperate etc .. a person can be. No matter how one tries to use Stats and Probs to plot out a winning streak for 4D and ToTo, the underlying reason can always be a simple human illogical obesession in striking gold.

Well, that's that. The last time I tried to use Stats and Probs, I was playing BlackJack in a friend's house during Chinese new. I manage to win back what I lost. Now that's, putting maths into pracitcal use.

Semplice Simon

Not A Very Good Friday

Friday was really a non event for me. Year after year Good Friday had been the same for me. Guess the only real difference this year, was that I was partaking service in another church. I left my church last year, and had since joined Cal BP for the past 1.5 years. I sang in the choir today. Two different songs. In my opinion, it was quite average. Wasn't that fantastic. Our second song "O Love that will not let me go!" was not that easy to do. The choir did not spend too much time working out the details also. I guess it's partly my conductress' father who's critically ill with lung cancer. I see her quite distracted nowadays during practice.

That's not the highlight of the day though. I met up with Marcus after service at Tiong Bahru Market for supper. On the way, we notice an accident on the road . Not having a clear view of the situation, I asked Marcus whether he should be helping.. Before I can clearly analyse any "extra-ordinarily troubling" implications, he jumped out from my car and dashed over the the scene of the accident... "OOOOooo my hero!!" LOL. I parked my car quickly (and illegally) and quickened my steps towards the junction. Woh.. the man, in his late forties, was lying on his side in a pool of blood fresh emerging from his mouth and nose..He had visible scratches, cuts and bruises all over. Laying on his side in an odd angle, he must have broken a few things. There was a mangled bicycle some distance off. Judging from the situation, the taxi crashed into the front of it and sent the man flying.

I was a bit shaken at the sight. I've never seen so much blood before. Especially in an accident. But surprisingly, a few things really hit me. Quite a number of people came forward to help. There were people redirecting traffic, calling the police and ambulance, putting up the sign boards to block the victim from oncoming vehicles, someone brought a roll of toilet papers to clean up the man etc etc.. Marcus decided it was best not to move the body as it might aggravate the injuries.

We waited a good ten minutes before the ambulance arrived. Marcus gave his SOP medical report to the CDF Medics, and off they went. We proceeded on with our supper for the night. Nothing much we could have done for the poor man besides praying hard that he had escaped the death that night.

What really struck me was the amount of fear and panic in the taxi driver's voice when he called his friend. He broke into tears. I am sure nobody had wished for this horrible accident, but I cannot help imagining myself or my friends in any of the three situations ie. The person who caused the accident, the victim of the accident, or the relatives and friends for both two cases. It had been a traumatising night. But it was really quite an experience.

Semplice Simon

Displacing my BLOG (Happy 7th Month Blog Anniversary)

I wish to announce this glad tidings of joy!! HO HOOOO HOOOO!!! With effect from today, I would be changing BLOG address! Meaning to say, I would cease to post in this address and will thus propel my blog once more into an unknown address. Into the obscure cyberworld where anybody can read it...

So if you are interested in knowing what's happening in my life lately .. CALL ME!! Goddamnit!!!! :P

Anyway, that's that.

Semplice Simon ( Fine for cookiben, and happy anniversary bloggggieee!!! )

Short Little Moosings - 13

Quarterly Review of New Year Resolutions 2006!

Going to do a short review of my new year resolutions. As nearly a quarter of the year had passed, it is time to take a quick look on resolutions.

1. Participate in the 21 Km Half Marathon end of the year
Just completed my 16km mark last friday. This is just an approximation according to measuring on the map.

2. Get my GMAT Done
I've decided to push this back a bit. Will try the book's questions.

3. Get my ABRSM Grade 5 Done
I've decided to push this back too. Serves no immediate advantage to my career.

4. Save up for A Trip end of Year 2006
I would still like to do this.

5. Drive Safely
I'm trying!!!! :P

6. Learn to drive with all my different shoes
Yeay!!! I've suceeded. But I think Babet Junior is a bit grouchy.. I've been using her for practice with all my different shoes.

** New Resolutions **

7. Complete my Microsoft Certified Application Developer (MCAD)
Needs two more papers. Doing 70-229 now.

8. Complete Oracle Certification in DB Admin, Forms Development and PL SQL Programming
Started on OCA (DBA) study.

There are a couple of things on my mind. Need time to think over. It's one of those milestones in life. It is like we seem to have so many choices and yet, full of dilemmas. Our hearts yearn for that one thing, and for that one thing our minds is perplexed with its paradox. This state of unrest is good in some ways..

Do I need a sign? A clear signal and indication on what I want OR need to do? Why am I seeking those external signs then? Can't I just work on my feelings? Things which might had seemed so apparent and logical to me, now is botched with my clumsy and indecisive spirit.

Ultimately, it's the internal being, which enables us to be happy. But is this really true? Is it the things that we do for ourselves, which inevitably will be the only thing that can make us happy? I feel like that wilful abandonment sometimes and yet, I laugh at the thought of myself performing it in a deluded and constricted circumstance. I might just play that Samwise-Gamgee. Now, Samwise, I have always felt, was the true hero of the trilogy.

We need that fullness of life. I've always struggled with this balance of tumultuous challenge of ambitions, and the desperation for simplistic and stable living. This short rattling of a series of totally incoherent thoughts, may far well explain how totally dotty I am.

Semplice Simon

Mood - Fabulous!!! : )
Feeling - Happy.. sad.. excited.. anxious... worried.. nervous.. glad...!!
Thinking - How can a big fat woman from China do a split? Incredible!!
Love - My sweet pea...Hey cookie.. will always be around to offer my "help-without-asking" to you. :)

Déjà vu

It's been more than 1 complete month since I've last updated my blog. Been real busy studying and planning for more certification courses and exams. Will plough through those details soon. Today's a day of déjà vu. The experience of knowing that this new situation had occurred to me before.

Long story short, Marcus application to Harvard got through!!! Woh... now that's something worth noting. Nothing concrete yet as funding is still in question. It’s the prospects of studying overseas, the prestige of a renowned institution and the excitement of a whole new world of discovery. But wait, I had been through this before. It's like “The Matrix” ‘s kitty cat scene, Déjà vu. Spare you my corniness, but it's not the first time when my boyfriend had to spend months away from me for further studies. Hmm.. Let me see, what's the similarities.?.. A 9 months course.. Crazy rush to get funding.. Planning to settle outstanding issues here, planning to shift your life temporarily to another country, settling administration here and there... Gosh.. It's All Coming Back to me now.( .. Celine Dion!! .. ).. I've done all this before!! While the course of events may seems similar, the way we make it have to be different. Different and perhaps, better also.

That is precisely the advantage I have now. I know what to do and what to plan for. I need to plan for visits, pack food for him, open up all available channels of communication with him (ie the cheapest please!!!). Plan religiously to keep each other updated. I have to plan how to occupy my time, get postcards, mail him stuff etc etc…. There are just endless things to do, to safeguard a relationship over a short period of separation.

Now, Please don't presume I’m saying all things in negativity and bitterness. In fact, I am better prepared this time. I think I can handle this separation better than the last. I do feel sad, excited, worried, happy, and anxious and everything rolled into one complete ball of messy wool. But then, Déjà vu!! I'd felt this before! And it’s not new, and I can handle it better. It’s probably more worrying whether Marcus can handle it. Stepping aside and peering over my shoulder, I feel resigned to the fact that this kind of thing happens in most relationships. We just have to work it out don't we? The dynamics of a relationship can really excites me. Ironically the changes that come along can sadden me too.

Well well, today's Mingzhu's Birthday. Happy Birthday MZ!! Thanks for being my good friend for so many years. Since 1990? Gosh.. that would be more than 1 and a half decade!

Semplice Simon

Short Little Moosings - 12

It's been a long long week. Many things to do work and tons of projects and meeting to rush through. I can't seem to meet the dateline for a couple of projects which pressure has been added on naturally by the bosses.

Looking at the many things shining on my bright side, I've still got a job, good health and sound mind. Thank God for the 100th day that we've been together. It's miraculous to have found somebody who's more meticulous than me in remembering time and dates. Happy 100th and more coming long Marcus!!

A couple of thing's I've been up to lately:
Still reeling from my BKK trip and the sweet memories.
Working on V Day part 2 present.
Just completed my Harry Potter Half Blood Prince - A.D. died!!! Can you believe that!! It's tragic!!!
Finished "Talk to the Hand" by Lynne Truss, and started on "Narcissus And Goldmund" by Hermann Hesse
Working on Marathon. Longest run outside - 1h 40 min , on treadmill 1h - 8.5km on 3 degree incline
Setting up my database for job application
Planning the CD cataloguing program for Marcus.
Need to plan my by GMAT and ABRSM soon.
Just watched "I Not Stupid Too" today
Attended "Bach's Back" concert by Martin Setchell (Not terribly impressed!!)


Semplice Simon

Mood - Excited Excited!! Many things to do..! :)
Feeling - Exhausted, I think my body clock isn't adjusting back.
Thinking - When's our 365th day?
Love - "Thank God I've Found You" Mariah Carey

Falling Leaves

Without change, as a routine appointment to keep, the leaves of the tree will fall without fail. Over season and times of change, the leaves will continue to cast its faded shade of death over the streets. The repellent sight which lies ahead, how tiresome can it get? The dead litter and heap of stillness, what joys can one find? As a man who strolls down these paths, kicking up the dull foliage, it can almost bring despair just by the sniff of pungent dryness. And yet there is a certain story to tell.

I read somewhere when I was young, that for every falling leave you catch in the air, you’ll get a day of good luck. So there it goes, a little boy ran around one day while autumn braced. Using a black bag he sped down the streets willing the gust to blow. Catching with not much of a finger lifted, a bag full of leaves fallen from the trees caught in air. Gathering it all up he came to the old man and sounded brightly, “I’ve much luck in my life now cos’ I’ve gathered as such.”

The old man smiled quietly and reaching into the bag he asked, “How many leaves are there in here?”

The boy answered, “I’m not sure, but as much as I need it.”

The old man prompted again, “To whom do you what to give the leaves to?”

Little boy answered a little rudely, “Have you not heard me old man, it’s for myself and for no one else!”

Gently he asked again, “Little boy little boy, do you not know the luck will not come if you gather them by greed and selfishness? We are meant to catch it one by one in the air with our hands outstretched. The luck is for others, and does not work on us.”

Curiously the boy looked on, as the old man turned the bag over to empty it. He didn’t stop the old man. Leaving the bag aside, he sprinted off like the wind that came, hands outstretched to catch some leaves. He came back with just one in each hand.

Semplice Simon

Shots from BKK

From Top to Bottom :

I'm looking back!! When are we coming again?

MBK... awww.. my poor blistering feet

It's Gigantic Sleeping Buddha..

Funny Temple

Shy old lady with all her merchandise

The strange Diver holding his.. erghm..

A bed, two maps, the Itinerary and a Calculator

Bangkok with Marcus

Thailand and Bangkok wasn't the top on my list if you ask me about short getaways. Food poisoning, loss of 5 kg and having to go to the Loo over ten times a day was good enough reason for anybody to give it a pass. We had some choices but Bangkok was the most economical. Good food, great shopping and spending power like the Royals were some other reasons. I took preventive measures this time, 2000 mg of Vit C 2 weeks before my trip, no road side food stalls and only restaurants.

I wanted to spend time away from the din in Singapore, and experience each other's company in a non-stress-take-it-easy trip. The bottom-line, we wanted to see how it was for us to live together. I think we managed to find out more about each other. Ie. Personality, character and habits etc.

Ironically, I didn't fall sick and slept like a pig. All thanks to 3 anti-allergy drugs. The bed had some metallic spring problem; it can get uncomfortable with them jabbing up at you. For the price that we paid, 60SGD per night, it was quite a good bargain. Narai Hotel was not much of a show outside, but the interior cannot be slighted. The Food was fantastic. Not one day passed without Tom Yum Soup and BlueBerry. We went for some fine Thai dining at Naj restaurant, it was the pinnacle for the trip. I can still remember the taste of the lamb and soup. The pomelo salad... YUMS!!! Shopping was tiring. My feet were blistering from the walk. Sorry guys, I just don't walk that much in Singapore.

I've enjoyed myself thoroughly. Came back to Singapore on Saturday night and a bit of glum followed thinking of work in the office. I'm sure we both dreaded certain things at work. But our little short holiday left a sweet aftertaste worth savoring whenever the unpleasant things happen in life. Thanks for the time spent together Marcus!! You're the best thing that happen to me yet. Let's go for a real honeymoon next time. : ) I love you.

Hope things will pick up better for us at work soon.

Day 1 (31 Jan 2006)
Met at Airport 645pm
Had dinner at the Mid Eastern Cuisine thing
Fly Fly Away!! (945pm Sin Time)
Touch down BKK Airport (1045pm Thai Time)
Check in Narai Hotel
Unpack and sleep

Day 2 (01 Feb 2006)
Morning Breakfast (Everyday was American Breakfast at Hotel)
Patpong 1 and 2 Quick Walk Through
Sala Daeng Quick Shopping and Tea
The Emporium Shopping
Lunch at Food Court
Back to Siam Paragon Shopping
Visted Oceanarium
Dinner at Thai Restr. at Paragon

Day 3 (02 Feb 2006)
River Cruise at Chao Phraya
Take Express Boat from Sathorn to Tha Thien
Walk to Wat Phra (Sleeping Buddha)
Nearly got conned by Bad Tuk Tuk Man !!
Walk over to Grand Palace and Emerald Buddha
Went back to Siam Center
Lunch at Jap Ramen with funny smelling soup
Coffee and Cake at pastry shop
Massage at Arena
Went back to hotel to change
Went Convent Naj Restr. for FINE THAI DINING!
GoGo Boy Show back at XBoys Thailand (Off from Silom to Tharniya)

Day 4 (03 Feb 2006)
Found this cool Computer Shop along Pantip
Shopping IT Mall at Pantip
Lunch at this Fusion Food Court
Siam Square Shopping
MBK Shopping
Found DVD/VCD Shop selling tons of Gay Movies
Dinner at Shanghainese Restr.
Went back to hotel to change
GoGo Boy Show at Jupiter 2002 Cafe at Suriwong Hotel

Day 5 (04 Feb 2006)
Chatuchat Market Shopping
From Clothes - Jeans - Home Items - Animals etc...
Back to Hotel to Pack
Lunch standing in Airport Check-in Queue (BK Burger) Argh..
Back to Singapore!!! Touch down 7pm
Go home
Eat Chai Chee Porridge with Marcus

Semplice Simon

From the song taken off the movie "As It Is in Heaven" a film by Kay Pollak
This is something to encourage all of us, to feel that we have lived our lives.
With no regrets and to stay strong even when the tempest tosses us,
Even when choices run out, we can still choose how we want to feel.
We will always retain our dignity and integrity;
It’s something which nobody can destroy.

It is now that my life is mine
I've got this short time on earth
And my longing has brought me here
All I lacked and all I gained

And yet it's the way that I chose
My trust was far beyond words
That has shown me a little bit
Of the heaven I've never found

I want to feel I'm alive
All my living days
I will live as I desire
I want to feel I'm alive
Knowing I was good enough

I have never lost who I was
I have only left it sleeping
Maybe I never had a choice
Just the will to stay alive

All I want is to be happy
Being who I am
To be strong and to be free
To see day arise from night

I am here and my life is only mine
And the heaven
I thought was there
I'll discover it there somewhere

I want to feel that I've lived my life..

Gay Marriage-To-Be.

The topic of Gay Marriage had been humming around my head for quite sometime. I didn’t see the point in tackling this issue from my lackluster blog. Until of course, three fateful things happened. A new copy of the GayTimes Magazine – Wedding Special, my age shift from box “25-29” to “30-34” and a recent vivid discussion with Marcus coupled with QAF Season 2 Episode 11. (That’s where the lesbos got married).

How can I resist then, but to finally burrow my brains out to write a series of articles on Gay Marriages. I’ve choose the following topics to blog down. It’s going to be very personal and relative to what I understand about the general affairs of life. You are free to leave me comments; the nasty ones will automatically receive a self-destruct sequence into your monitor. Beware!!

Gays? Getting Married??
How does a gay relationship steps up the state of getting married? What does gay marriage for two gay people mean in general? I will write about why there is such need to get married. Or is there?

“I Do”’s in the Lion City
What can we, as Singaporeans, hope to achieve as gays getting married in Singapore from the year 2006 till kingdom come? What had already been done and is the battle really half fought or not started at all? It's interesting to study into what singaporean gays does to get there and say "I do."

Civil Partnership agreement
This is definitely new to me. But I will discuss about the legal recognition of same-sex relationship in the context of CPA. What possibly can come out from this? Can this be applied in our asian culture and what are the pro's and con's?

Do I wanna Dance?
Last but not least, how do I see all this things personally in my own life and how I view gay marriages for myself? This would be interesting for myself to reflect upon. I've never viewed gay marriage as a necessary step in life. But will everything change as time passes? Will it be something that I really want to do?

I will get down to it as soon as I can!!! Until then, I will be in BKK with Marcus from 31 Jan to 04 Feb. Yippppeeeeeee!!!!!!

Semplice Simon

Smile Boy, Smile!!!

The Beginning:
There’s this guy whom I take the lift with on some days. He’ll be in his running gear when we share the lift down. Something about him told me he’s gay. A gaydar works that way, and mine had never failed me thus far. After a while of communal lift taking, it didn’t take us long to know who’s gay at each level and who’s not.

The Problem:
Over the next few months, we kept meeting each other on the same lift landing. We hardly notice each other initially or acknowledge each other’s presence but as the days went, it’s only nice to be neighborly and smiling to strangers does come to me naturally. I greeted my security guard everyday, I can’t offer any treatment diminished to neighbors, can I? But here comes the irony, how do I smile and say hi together at my neighborly gay man without giving him the wrong impression that I want to bag, gag and bang him right now and there? That’s how gay men works isn’t it? Our libido is about as managed as a herd of bulls. How am I going to be friendly and not letting them think I’d premeditated to get excess attention?

The Response:
One fine day he finally looked at me and smiled. I was expecting this of course, but the most calculated response I gave was to smile faintly. It was not a very courteous thing to do I realized. Standing there was a fellow gay citizen and neighbor, a faint smile was not ably to convey social acceptance. He looked away with tardiness, hardly hiding his discontent from want of chatting up.

The Application
Confiding this with Marcus the other day, I wanted to know how he felt was the appropriate response. He said it was encouraged to be warm and neighborly. I realized it was for our sakes that had caused my tepid reaction to this man in the lift. I didn’t want to encourage anything in my own private time to accommodate another gay person without my bf’s knowledge. I guess it’s a reflex mechanism which kicks in when the warning signals goes off.

Semplice Simon

It's Too Heavy!!!

The Beginning:
I recently visited Pearl Center in ChinaTown, and had parked at the multustorey carpark. It was at the second storey and I needed to get onto the third. There were stairs but the effort irks me. Making my way I saw a crowd waiting at the Lift lobby. When the door opened, being nice and courteous, I let everybody go in first. My handphone beeped from a new SMS. Juggling from my phone and keys, I notice a very strange thing. The people inside had made a very nice U-shaped standing space for me to stand. How nice can my day get?! Smiling at them and acknowledging everybody, I mumbled “Thanks!” under my breath and stepped in haste.

The Problem:
There was this man, in cool black shades, shirt and berms, standing at the buttons. Pressed “Close” button. Nothing happened. As though the button’s circuitry was not in full connect, he pressed in harder and a couple more times. Nothing happened again. To my utter horror, he turned and says to me with this cool matrix voice that sounded from the lift system’s fortune-telling Oracle, “It’s too heavy!” There was this ring of empathy trailing off the walls.

The Response:
“Oh!” I answered. But there was no overweighing detector beeping? Being the closer at the door, I stepped out quickly and clumsily. Fidgeting with my phone, I sought to feel engaged in another world as compared to the current weight mishap and humiliation. Apparently the Lift couldn’t close and my weight was causing the inconvenience. Duh?!

The Application
Something like “Oh, the lift can’t close, it might be too heavy.” , or “Somebody try this, the doors can’t close.” Or something as simple as “Oh No, is the lift spoilt?” Wouldn’t it suffice? Surely if it had been a plump and voluptuous woman, she would have burst into a bout frantic hair-pulling. “It’s too heavy!!!?? Are you referring to me!!!??” Tsk. .The tactlessness of some people.

Semplice Simon

Snoring Boredom

Ever since I had been attached, with this new wave of happiness and contentment flooding my life, I'd not been able to draw on those past depressing monotone of everyday single hood living (..That’s a mouthful..), to write a decent Blog entry worthy of thought. Not that any past entries had been a job well done either.

Today's our 2 months 1 day meet up anniversary. Poor Marcus had to put up with my snoring at night. While some couples has this problem of expressing sensitive problems in fear of treading on each other's toes, I'm glad not to have suffered this same fate with him. It was after these two months that things are getting more settled and many uncertainties are falling neatly in place. We’d been working on communication, and vocalizing our inner thoughts, sorting out our mixed feelings and other concerns. We've asked each other questions, or rather; I am the one with the most questions, and he being the one with the allegorical, yet sometimes blunt answers. Are we doing it right for each other in this relationship? Did you ask yourself that?

We’d worked out a routine and plan, encompassing the things that he needed to do for his resolutions this year, and my own personal commitments. Inevitably, when a routine and plan comes up, and with the warming up of our company to each other, the question of boredom comes around. Will we get bored with each other? That's a difficult one. But I’ve always enjoyed delving a little deeper into my own mind and heart. If you can’t understand yourself to provide a satisfying answer, who else is there to know you?

As with the many people who like asking me questions, I enjoy satisfying myself with the motive. With understanding of why someone asks a question, is better to answer it straight on, don’t you think so? A few deductions came into my mind. Is he bored already? Is he afraid of getting bored? Is he making allowance and preparation in the future to feel bored? Is he trying to prevent himself from being bored? Is he afraid of me being bored? Is he trying to probe whether I am bored? Am I boring him? Is he boring me? Are we boring the little bacterium circulating around as resulting from our very breath!?!??

There are these two kinds of boredoms in a relationship, the way I see it:

Outwardly bored- The routine of everyday living and the constraints in life are putting flat the level of excitement in a relationship.

Inwardly bored- One does not mentally/psychologically/emotionally/sexually etc... Engage, excites, satisfy, complements and stimulates the other.

Being both outwardly and inwardly bored, does not mean the end of love. Conversely, you don’t need to sustain love with excitement and rekindle it once in a new moon. One has to be very careful to separating these two matters. Separating these means you can solve one and save the other. Combining them would mean the end of everything hopeful. I’ve always felt this strong mutual exclusivity between Love and all the feelings and emotions.

The solutions to the above, is apparent and I won’t bother to state them here. Use your creativity and imagination to solve them. Make a ripple for starters; make bigger waves as you go along. It is not that difficult, really.

Honestly, I've never been involved in a relationship which is so comprehensive and open, and regular reviews on our understanding and expectations of each other. In fact, we were discussing the other day that our formidable formula to working things out between us, is that: I've experienced 5 year long relationship, and he having to live 5 years more than me. I cannot agree more. It's quite plain to me at times we clearly know what is happening between us and with the other party, not much guesswork or mind games there. The novice would still struggle with primary issues which I think we've already worked through subconsciously on a faster plane.

Semplice Simon

This Is My Life, Rated

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	7.1
Mind:	8.2
Body:	8.8
Spirit:	7.1
Friends/Family:	5.2
Love:	7.9
Finance:	4.5
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

It's interesting to know that from such a short quiz and time frame, my whole life have been rated completed in front of me in a series of numbers and colored bars. OMG!!!!! What is this?!?! It is like a gypsy woman who gazes through the crystal ball at my oversized and magnified head, and starts screaming out statistics from goodness-know-where!?!? You get the point. I'm pleased with the results. The website says that I have a good life... that's that. As for making this reality true in my life, off the charts, that will be more work than a set of yes/no/true/false questions.

It still puzzles me why people reads the zodiac religiously, watch the stars and moons for their paths and movements, matching their lives' fate against a set of horribly drawn picture cards and worst, studying the lines on the hands and FACE!!?? (..Don’t look at me.. I’m not qualifying for that one.. ) . We take time to study questions and answer them; take personality and character tests and other geeky psychological tests. What do we really hope to achieve from all this? To know that our mornings will be brighter? To prepare for the next disaster that probably will never come? To find the flaws in our lives and character which only the mock divination can change us?

I'm not sure about you, but for me?? I find it depressing to subject my life in all aspect to something which is non-scientific, full of wild guesswork and based on probability and statistics. The human nature and its twists and turn of life, are way too complex and unpredictable for any odd bar graphs to represent. Goodness, even the bar charts in my office determines which salesperson to sack. Even that, my friends, has solid data to back it up. . This is my thought. Not a proven theory too.

Isn't it wonderful to go through life knowing your character/personality doesn't match a particular Zodiac or Chinese horriblescope sign? We would be free to mould ourselves into somebody better without having to excuse those nasty little habits, by chance, matched those horriblescopes? Wouldn't it be better if we can take the next few steps in life with a light and unburdened mind and heart, without having to be bothered by what a stack of cards or an old man reading my palm would say? Let's just think of life as it is, a bag of full of surprises. The nice and sweet ones, the bitter and unhappy ones. Reach your hand in and face it squarely!!!

Don't mind me... wrote this crap in 20 min.

Semplice Simon

Short Little Moosings - 11

One of my favorite song from Bette Midler. It is so simple yet, the words are so rich and deep with meaning. Please don't scorn and mock, don't sneer and despise and don't close your mind. Let your imagination explore the possible meaning of the lyrics. Whoever is reading this blog entry, give me your best take by posting a comment to me, what do you think is the meaning of the phrase "tin can".. in the phrase I've put in bold. I never did figure it out, and will gladly provide a gift for anybody who can give me a smart answer!!!

I think it’s going to rain today -- Bette Midler

Broken windows and empty hallways,
A pale dead moon in a sky streaked with grey.
Human kindness is overflowing,
And I think it's gonna rain today.

Scarecrows dressed in the latest styles,
The frozen smiles to chase love away.
Human kindness is overflowing,
And I think it's gonna rain today.

Lonely, lonely.
Tin can at my feet,
I think I'll kick it down the street.
That's the way to treat a friend.

Bright before me the signs implore me:
Help the needy and show them the way.
Human kindness is overflowing,
And I think it's gonna rain today.

Semplice Simon

Mood - Relaxed
Feeling - Impulsive yet inhibited
Thinking - Love Kamasutra (101 ways to tell a man you love him)
Love - Diva Las Vegas (Bette Midler - Experience The Divine)

New Year's Eve's Eve to New Year Day's Day

31/12/2005 1015pm - 01/01/2006 345am

I recently discovered, much to my initial shock, that a good friend/neighbor for many years, turned out to be gay and a chub chaser. The latter being the second shock. I am still reeling from the fact that a cute guy like him enjoys the portly and full. I had a crush on him donkey years ago. And knowing that we didn’t tell each other was bad, and that nothing could have come out from it even if he’d confessed to me, was worst. (ie. I fell short of his body type preferences) I’ve learnt over the years to take pleasure in missed opportunities. Knowing this, if not for this group of people who didn’t step into my life due to divine intervention, I might not have met my current beau.

Lets take heart in the best things that ended with us at the close of another year. Bring these things across and it would be the perfect way to end and begin. Champagne was popped for toast to the New Year during the gathering at Marcus’ place. Everybody waited anxiously in front of the TV while the time moved closer. What were your thoughts? Fear of routine is something I would feel. To resist the mundane and numbing realization that it’s another calendar of events with nothing special to look forward to. We want closure in the many dramatic episodes started in the year. To make us look at everything new ahead. Whatever can stop us from feeling renewed? It would be tragic if a new year comes and we didn’t feel the magic. Yes!! The MAGIC of all wondrous beginnings.

The rest of the night which led up to midnight was just a relax mix of chatting, video games, mahjong and eating. Tonight was my first night witnessing the “husbandship” of Marcus, washing the dishes? LOL. Well, that’s another thing I can really appreciate in another man, not being afraid to get your hands dirty. Washing dishes and clothes, taking and clearing out the trash and cooking. Well well well.. at least I won’t worry about rostering the kitchen duty in the future.

As the TV show counted down the seconds for us, I pulled him to a corner of the house where nobody can spot us. Midnight struck and we kissed. He’s one of the few magical beginnings I would want to bring forward in the New Year. The magic? Not starting out alone.

We played the night away, pictionary, and warped charades to act out famous gay iconic characters. Go figure how. That’s how my new year started then, with my love and lots of Princess Diana, Wonder Woman, Gandhi, Charlie’s Angels and Harrison Ford in Temple of Doom.


31/12/2005 910am - 1230pm

I've started working on one New Year resolution even before the year ended. That was to work on my 21 km Marathon. I met up with Marcus this morning for the longest run I've ever attempted in my life. We ran for 1 hr 20 min, I burnt 991 and him, 1000cal+!! Yes... my previous record was only 10km run in NS and that took me 1 hour in top form. I thoroughly enjoyed this run. One reason, it was simply because of him, and second was that I knew I could go a little further since, it's him. :P Fine .. I don't want to kill anybody here reading with mushiness. But that's something I really appreciate in a relationship. Being proactive and hassle less to plan things together. It didn't take us long to decide we needed to run and train together at East Coast this Saturday. Amidst of his GRE preparations and cooking duties for that night's party, I was extremely glad that he could spend that morning training together. Thanks Marcus!

The run went quite smoothly, not much pain from the knee, lots of admiring of guys running by, talking about getting cats and dogs next time, asking each others' heart rate, and how each was doing during the run. Even from this run, I could learn a little bit more about him and from him. (... and about cats shitting...) We ran from Mac to Fort Road, to the Hawker Center and back again. Glancing over at him occasionally, I think my life would never be whole if he's not there beside me.

30/12/2005 710pm - 1145pm

I met up Marcus at Bugis junction for a short shopping spree. The traffic and parking was a killer. He bought some knockdown CD storage system from Muji, maybe 80% from need and 20% from the glib and cute salesman. (Claimed Marcus..!!). We were supposed to meet up 3 of his house mates for a dinner treat by one of them, for clinching a business deal successfully.

I wasn't expecting anything which I couldn't handle, and had prepared myself mentally prior to the dinner. I guess it's a habit. It's always good to generate various scenarios and test cases to sift out the ungraceful, unpleasant, and unexpected. But for this time, I forgot to include myself into the list of parameters. Dinner went well. But that was beside the fact that I couldn't bring myself to talk to his housemates and to include myself in the conversation totally. Chitty-Chatty-me had lost my tongue suddenly. It was a conversational blackout for me. Disastrous! I wanted to stand up, scream at the top of my lungs, the big exclaimed "ARGH!!!!! WHAT THE HELLL!!?!?!?!?!". But of course, that cannot happen. It's too unglamorous for me.

I felt really apologetic for my awkward silence and behavior during dinner. I raced to dig out what really went through my mind. I had a long and unadulterated conversation with Marcus. It was, 40% Tired mind and body, 50% adverse pressure by myself to love his friends and fit in, 10% totally PMSed!!! I think it was one of those nights where the flow was exceptionally red. I felt bad to have subjected him to my capricious temperaments. I gave him explanations for the over-reaction to the whole circumstance. After which, his perception to my predicament, the solution/advice he offered, and the amount of patience and understanding he showed, made me realized again... how much I can really love this man. Oh Gosh.. I am sooooo attracted.

The night ended well, I felt tons better because of him. I told myself before I went off; this is not going to be difficult for me. Focus hard on what I really need to do, and not on what is ridiculously not going to happen!!

Semplice Simon