Reviewing our Losses, Gaining that Strength

It'd been tradition for Mr. TeeVoh to review the major news in Singapore at the concluding of another year. There's been talk on what was the prevalent news for Singapore and for the world. Terrorist Attacks, Rise in Oil Prices, wars, deadly mutating viruses and Natural calamities, these are some of the things off my fingertips. In Singapore will have to be the increasing number of grotesque murder cases, LTA/LRTrelated issues, and not forgetting the NKF saga.

When we re-visit our dealings with catastrophic events and tragedies which have an impact of significant magnitude in our lives, it's perhaps a way to scale down our desperation, and comforting ourselves that at this very present moment, we had survived. Looking back at these unfortunate events and trying to quantify the experience, it had to be our first reaction, followed by how we struggled to manage them over time, and finally to come to terms with it.

It's a way for us to process these traumas and at some point in time, stand amazed at the sturdiness of human courage. We draw on each other’s strength, and seek to attune each other’s resolve and understanding, in working things out as a community. The common knowledge derived from all this? Finding strength and knowing we are not that alone after all.

I’ve met with a friend recently who related a story of her girl friend who lost the boyfriend during the Tsunami last year. They were resting in their room at the resort after diving and the waters came and took them by surprise. A stranger barely managed to pull her out of the waters when the resort nearly collapsed, but the boyfriend was no where to be found. After a few days of searching in vain, she flew back to Singapore devastated and drained. She kept crying. Much concern and consolation was offered by love ones, but she would not be comforted. It was her way of processing this tragedy on her own.

Over the weeks, she started to open up to friends and asking herself questions. Why life was as such? It was inequitable for her and she couldn’t quite accept the loss in its totality still. Her good friends brought her to church support groups for people who’ve met similar losses during the Tsunami. The results were to be celebrated. With much tears she was able to openly lament with the rest. She comforted others whose loss was felt greater than hers. Perhaps this transaction had diluted her concentrated focus on self, and re-aligned her to tap into a common strength.

Months later, remains of the boyfriend were finally found. She was called to identify and collect the belongings. This time, she did not manage this alone. Friends and family followed her and she learnt to tap into a community of strength for her personal loss. Smiling weakly through those tears of anguish, she was able to face up bravely to her loss. She had survived it.

Coming close to the end of the year, I’ve heard news about her. She still questions her loss. But was able to appreciate the strength she’d found in reiterating the account to her friends. She shared with them the whole process from the beginning, and this experience encouraged many afflicted in the end.

Is it good to recall our losses? Perhaps. The strength we'd gained along the way should not be forgotten too.

Semplice Simon