Gay Marriage-To-Be.

The topic of Gay Marriage had been humming around my head for quite sometime. I didn’t see the point in tackling this issue from my lackluster blog. Until of course, three fateful things happened. A new copy of the GayTimes Magazine – Wedding Special, my age shift from box “25-29” to “30-34” and a recent vivid discussion with Marcus coupled with QAF Season 2 Episode 11. (That’s where the lesbos got married).

How can I resist then, but to finally burrow my brains out to write a series of articles on Gay Marriages. I’ve choose the following topics to blog down. It’s going to be very personal and relative to what I understand about the general affairs of life. You are free to leave me comments; the nasty ones will automatically receive a self-destruct sequence into your monitor. Beware!!

Gays? Getting Married??
How does a gay relationship steps up the state of getting married? What does gay marriage for two gay people mean in general? I will write about why there is such need to get married. Or is there?

“I Do”’s in the Lion City
What can we, as Singaporeans, hope to achieve as gays getting married in Singapore from the year 2006 till kingdom come? What had already been done and is the battle really half fought or not started at all? It's interesting to study into what singaporean gays does to get there and say "I do."

Civil Partnership agreement
This is definitely new to me. But I will discuss about the legal recognition of same-sex relationship in the context of CPA. What possibly can come out from this? Can this be applied in our asian culture and what are the pro's and con's?

Do I wanna Dance?
Last but not least, how do I see all this things personally in my own life and how I view gay marriages for myself? This would be interesting for myself to reflect upon. I've never viewed gay marriage as a necessary step in life. But will everything change as time passes? Will it be something that I really want to do?

I will get down to it as soon as I can!!! Until then, I will be in BKK with Marcus from 31 Jan to 04 Feb. Yippppeeeeeee!!!!!!

Semplice Simon

Smile Boy, Smile!!!

The Beginning:
There’s this guy whom I take the lift with on some days. He’ll be in his running gear when we share the lift down. Something about him told me he’s gay. A gaydar works that way, and mine had never failed me thus far. After a while of communal lift taking, it didn’t take us long to know who’s gay at each level and who’s not.

The Problem:
Over the next few months, we kept meeting each other on the same lift landing. We hardly notice each other initially or acknowledge each other’s presence but as the days went, it’s only nice to be neighborly and smiling to strangers does come to me naturally. I greeted my security guard everyday, I can’t offer any treatment diminished to neighbors, can I? But here comes the irony, how do I smile and say hi together at my neighborly gay man without giving him the wrong impression that I want to bag, gag and bang him right now and there? That’s how gay men works isn’t it? Our libido is about as managed as a herd of bulls. How am I going to be friendly and not letting them think I’d premeditated to get excess attention?

The Response:
One fine day he finally looked at me and smiled. I was expecting this of course, but the most calculated response I gave was to smile faintly. It was not a very courteous thing to do I realized. Standing there was a fellow gay citizen and neighbor, a faint smile was not ably to convey social acceptance. He looked away with tardiness, hardly hiding his discontent from want of chatting up.

The Application
Confiding this with Marcus the other day, I wanted to know how he felt was the appropriate response. He said it was encouraged to be warm and neighborly. I realized it was for our sakes that had caused my tepid reaction to this man in the lift. I didn’t want to encourage anything in my own private time to accommodate another gay person without my bf’s knowledge. I guess it’s a reflex mechanism which kicks in when the warning signals goes off.

Semplice Simon

It's Too Heavy!!!

The Beginning:
I recently visited Pearl Center in ChinaTown, and had parked at the multustorey carpark. It was at the second storey and I needed to get onto the third. There were stairs but the effort irks me. Making my way I saw a crowd waiting at the Lift lobby. When the door opened, being nice and courteous, I let everybody go in first. My handphone beeped from a new SMS. Juggling from my phone and keys, I notice a very strange thing. The people inside had made a very nice U-shaped standing space for me to stand. How nice can my day get?! Smiling at them and acknowledging everybody, I mumbled “Thanks!” under my breath and stepped in haste.

The Problem:
There was this man, in cool black shades, shirt and berms, standing at the buttons. Pressed “Close” button. Nothing happened. As though the button’s circuitry was not in full connect, he pressed in harder and a couple more times. Nothing happened again. To my utter horror, he turned and says to me with this cool matrix voice that sounded from the lift system’s fortune-telling Oracle, “It’s too heavy!” There was this ring of empathy trailing off the walls.

The Response:
“Oh!” I answered. But there was no overweighing detector beeping? Being the closer at the door, I stepped out quickly and clumsily. Fidgeting with my phone, I sought to feel engaged in another world as compared to the current weight mishap and humiliation. Apparently the Lift couldn’t close and my weight was causing the inconvenience. Duh?!

The Application
Something like “Oh, the lift can’t close, it might be too heavy.” , or “Somebody try this, the doors can’t close.” Or something as simple as “Oh No, is the lift spoilt?” Wouldn’t it suffice? Surely if it had been a plump and voluptuous woman, she would have burst into a bout frantic hair-pulling. “It’s too heavy!!!?? Are you referring to me!!!??” Tsk. .The tactlessness of some people.

Semplice Simon

Snoring Boredom

Ever since I had been attached, with this new wave of happiness and contentment flooding my life, I'd not been able to draw on those past depressing monotone of everyday single hood living (..That’s a mouthful..), to write a decent Blog entry worthy of thought. Not that any past entries had been a job well done either.

Today's our 2 months 1 day meet up anniversary. Poor Marcus had to put up with my snoring at night. While some couples has this problem of expressing sensitive problems in fear of treading on each other's toes, I'm glad not to have suffered this same fate with him. It was after these two months that things are getting more settled and many uncertainties are falling neatly in place. We’d been working on communication, and vocalizing our inner thoughts, sorting out our mixed feelings and other concerns. We've asked each other questions, or rather; I am the one with the most questions, and he being the one with the allegorical, yet sometimes blunt answers. Are we doing it right for each other in this relationship? Did you ask yourself that?

We’d worked out a routine and plan, encompassing the things that he needed to do for his resolutions this year, and my own personal commitments. Inevitably, when a routine and plan comes up, and with the warming up of our company to each other, the question of boredom comes around. Will we get bored with each other? That's a difficult one. But I’ve always enjoyed delving a little deeper into my own mind and heart. If you can’t understand yourself to provide a satisfying answer, who else is there to know you?

As with the many people who like asking me questions, I enjoy satisfying myself with the motive. With understanding of why someone asks a question, is better to answer it straight on, don’t you think so? A few deductions came into my mind. Is he bored already? Is he afraid of getting bored? Is he making allowance and preparation in the future to feel bored? Is he trying to prevent himself from being bored? Is he afraid of me being bored? Is he trying to probe whether I am bored? Am I boring him? Is he boring me? Are we boring the little bacterium circulating around as resulting from our very breath!?!??

There are these two kinds of boredoms in a relationship, the way I see it:

Outwardly bored- The routine of everyday living and the constraints in life are putting flat the level of excitement in a relationship.

Inwardly bored- One does not mentally/psychologically/emotionally/sexually etc... Engage, excites, satisfy, complements and stimulates the other.

Being both outwardly and inwardly bored, does not mean the end of love. Conversely, you don’t need to sustain love with excitement and rekindle it once in a new moon. One has to be very careful to separating these two matters. Separating these means you can solve one and save the other. Combining them would mean the end of everything hopeful. I’ve always felt this strong mutual exclusivity between Love and all the feelings and emotions.

The solutions to the above, is apparent and I won’t bother to state them here. Use your creativity and imagination to solve them. Make a ripple for starters; make bigger waves as you go along. It is not that difficult, really.

Honestly, I've never been involved in a relationship which is so comprehensive and open, and regular reviews on our understanding and expectations of each other. In fact, we were discussing the other day that our formidable formula to working things out between us, is that: I've experienced 5 year long relationship, and he having to live 5 years more than me. I cannot agree more. It's quite plain to me at times we clearly know what is happening between us and with the other party, not much guesswork or mind games there. The novice would still struggle with primary issues which I think we've already worked through subconsciously on a faster plane.

Semplice Simon

This Is My Life, Rated

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	7.1
Mind:	8.2
Body:	8.8
Spirit:	7.1
Friends/Family:	5.2
Love:	7.9
Finance:	4.5
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

It's interesting to know that from such a short quiz and time frame, my whole life have been rated completed in front of me in a series of numbers and colored bars. OMG!!!!! What is this?!?! It is like a gypsy woman who gazes through the crystal ball at my oversized and magnified head, and starts screaming out statistics from goodness-know-where!?!? You get the point. I'm pleased with the results. The website says that I have a good life... that's that. As for making this reality true in my life, off the charts, that will be more work than a set of yes/no/true/false questions.

It still puzzles me why people reads the zodiac religiously, watch the stars and moons for their paths and movements, matching their lives' fate against a set of horribly drawn picture cards and worst, studying the lines on the hands and FACE!!?? (..Don’t look at me.. I’m not qualifying for that one.. ) . We take time to study questions and answer them; take personality and character tests and other geeky psychological tests. What do we really hope to achieve from all this? To know that our mornings will be brighter? To prepare for the next disaster that probably will never come? To find the flaws in our lives and character which only the mock divination can change us?

I'm not sure about you, but for me?? I find it depressing to subject my life in all aspect to something which is non-scientific, full of wild guesswork and based on probability and statistics. The human nature and its twists and turn of life, are way too complex and unpredictable for any odd bar graphs to represent. Goodness, even the bar charts in my office determines which salesperson to sack. Even that, my friends, has solid data to back it up. . This is my thought. Not a proven theory too.

Isn't it wonderful to go through life knowing your character/personality doesn't match a particular Zodiac or Chinese horriblescope sign? We would be free to mould ourselves into somebody better without having to excuse those nasty little habits, by chance, matched those horriblescopes? Wouldn't it be better if we can take the next few steps in life with a light and unburdened mind and heart, without having to be bothered by what a stack of cards or an old man reading my palm would say? Let's just think of life as it is, a bag of full of surprises. The nice and sweet ones, the bitter and unhappy ones. Reach your hand in and face it squarely!!!

Don't mind me... wrote this crap in 20 min.

Semplice Simon

Short Little Moosings - 11

One of my favorite song from Bette Midler. It is so simple yet, the words are so rich and deep with meaning. Please don't scorn and mock, don't sneer and despise and don't close your mind. Let your imagination explore the possible meaning of the lyrics. Whoever is reading this blog entry, give me your best take by posting a comment to me, what do you think is the meaning of the phrase "tin can".. in the phrase I've put in bold. I never did figure it out, and will gladly provide a gift for anybody who can give me a smart answer!!!

I think it’s going to rain today -- Bette Midler

Broken windows and empty hallways,
A pale dead moon in a sky streaked with grey.
Human kindness is overflowing,
And I think it's gonna rain today.

Scarecrows dressed in the latest styles,
The frozen smiles to chase love away.
Human kindness is overflowing,
And I think it's gonna rain today.

Lonely, lonely.
Tin can at my feet,
I think I'll kick it down the street.
That's the way to treat a friend.

Bright before me the signs implore me:
Help the needy and show them the way.
Human kindness is overflowing,
And I think it's gonna rain today.

Semplice Simon

Mood - Relaxed
Feeling - Impulsive yet inhibited
Thinking - Love Kamasutra (101 ways to tell a man you love him)
Love - Diva Las Vegas (Bette Midler - Experience The Divine)

New Year's Eve's Eve to New Year Day's Day

31/12/2005 1015pm - 01/01/2006 345am

I recently discovered, much to my initial shock, that a good friend/neighbor for many years, turned out to be gay and a chub chaser. The latter being the second shock. I am still reeling from the fact that a cute guy like him enjoys the portly and full. I had a crush on him donkey years ago. And knowing that we didn’t tell each other was bad, and that nothing could have come out from it even if he’d confessed to me, was worst. (ie. I fell short of his body type preferences) I’ve learnt over the years to take pleasure in missed opportunities. Knowing this, if not for this group of people who didn’t step into my life due to divine intervention, I might not have met my current beau.

Lets take heart in the best things that ended with us at the close of another year. Bring these things across and it would be the perfect way to end and begin. Champagne was popped for toast to the New Year during the gathering at Marcus’ place. Everybody waited anxiously in front of the TV while the time moved closer. What were your thoughts? Fear of routine is something I would feel. To resist the mundane and numbing realization that it’s another calendar of events with nothing special to look forward to. We want closure in the many dramatic episodes started in the year. To make us look at everything new ahead. Whatever can stop us from feeling renewed? It would be tragic if a new year comes and we didn’t feel the magic. Yes!! The MAGIC of all wondrous beginnings.

The rest of the night which led up to midnight was just a relax mix of chatting, video games, mahjong and eating. Tonight was my first night witnessing the “husbandship” of Marcus, washing the dishes? LOL. Well, that’s another thing I can really appreciate in another man, not being afraid to get your hands dirty. Washing dishes and clothes, taking and clearing out the trash and cooking. Well well well.. at least I won’t worry about rostering the kitchen duty in the future.

As the TV show counted down the seconds for us, I pulled him to a corner of the house where nobody can spot us. Midnight struck and we kissed. He’s one of the few magical beginnings I would want to bring forward in the New Year. The magic? Not starting out alone.

We played the night away, pictionary, and warped charades to act out famous gay iconic characters. Go figure how. That’s how my new year started then, with my love and lots of Princess Diana, Wonder Woman, Gandhi, Charlie’s Angels and Harrison Ford in Temple of Doom.


31/12/2005 910am - 1230pm

I've started working on one New Year resolution even before the year ended. That was to work on my 21 km Marathon. I met up with Marcus this morning for the longest run I've ever attempted in my life. We ran for 1 hr 20 min, I burnt 991 and him, 1000cal+!! Yes... my previous record was only 10km run in NS and that took me 1 hour in top form. I thoroughly enjoyed this run. One reason, it was simply because of him, and second was that I knew I could go a little further since, it's him. :P Fine .. I don't want to kill anybody here reading with mushiness. But that's something I really appreciate in a relationship. Being proactive and hassle less to plan things together. It didn't take us long to decide we needed to run and train together at East Coast this Saturday. Amidst of his GRE preparations and cooking duties for that night's party, I was extremely glad that he could spend that morning training together. Thanks Marcus!

The run went quite smoothly, not much pain from the knee, lots of admiring of guys running by, talking about getting cats and dogs next time, asking each others' heart rate, and how each was doing during the run. Even from this run, I could learn a little bit more about him and from him. (... and about cats shitting...) We ran from Mac to Fort Road, to the Hawker Center and back again. Glancing over at him occasionally, I think my life would never be whole if he's not there beside me.

30/12/2005 710pm - 1145pm

I met up Marcus at Bugis junction for a short shopping spree. The traffic and parking was a killer. He bought some knockdown CD storage system from Muji, maybe 80% from need and 20% from the glib and cute salesman. (Claimed Marcus..!!). We were supposed to meet up 3 of his house mates for a dinner treat by one of them, for clinching a business deal successfully.

I wasn't expecting anything which I couldn't handle, and had prepared myself mentally prior to the dinner. I guess it's a habit. It's always good to generate various scenarios and test cases to sift out the ungraceful, unpleasant, and unexpected. But for this time, I forgot to include myself into the list of parameters. Dinner went well. But that was beside the fact that I couldn't bring myself to talk to his housemates and to include myself in the conversation totally. Chitty-Chatty-me had lost my tongue suddenly. It was a conversational blackout for me. Disastrous! I wanted to stand up, scream at the top of my lungs, the big exclaimed "ARGH!!!!! WHAT THE HELLL!!?!?!?!?!". But of course, that cannot happen. It's too unglamorous for me.

I felt really apologetic for my awkward silence and behavior during dinner. I raced to dig out what really went through my mind. I had a long and unadulterated conversation with Marcus. It was, 40% Tired mind and body, 50% adverse pressure by myself to love his friends and fit in, 10% totally PMSed!!! I think it was one of those nights where the flow was exceptionally red. I felt bad to have subjected him to my capricious temperaments. I gave him explanations for the over-reaction to the whole circumstance. After which, his perception to my predicament, the solution/advice he offered, and the amount of patience and understanding he showed, made me realized again... how much I can really love this man. Oh Gosh.. I am sooooo attracted.

The night ended well, I felt tons better because of him. I told myself before I went off; this is not going to be difficult for me. Focus hard on what I really need to do, and not on what is ridiculously not going to happen!!

Semplice Simon

Short Little Moosings - 10

New Year Resolutions!

In no particular Order of Priority.

1. Participate in the 21 Km Half Marathon end of the year
2. Get my GMAT Done
3. Get my ABRSM Grade 5 Done
4. Save up for A Trip end of Year 2006
5. Drive Safely
6. Learn to drive with all my different shoes

The thing about New Year resolution is that you'll probably need some place to record it down. This is to ensure we can check back on our completion at the end of the year. I can't remember what I've set for myself the year before. I think it had something remotely related to my weight. I might have achieved that though. I was tipping 72kg in the beginning of the year, and at its close I am at 68.5 kg.

I've already planned what I'm gonna do the very first thing when the second hand strikes the new year. DORAEMON!!!! Get ready!!! SMUUUUUUUUUUUUUACCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! I luv ya.!!!

Semplice Simon

Mood - Happy!
Feeling - Excited
Thinking - My Little Prince
Love - My Little Prince

Reviewing our Losses, Gaining that Strength

It'd been tradition for Mr. TeeVoh to review the major news in Singapore at the concluding of another year. There's been talk on what was the prevalent news for Singapore and for the world. Terrorist Attacks, Rise in Oil Prices, wars, deadly mutating viruses and Natural calamities, these are some of the things off my fingertips. In Singapore will have to be the increasing number of grotesque murder cases, LTA/LRTrelated issues, and not forgetting the NKF saga.

When we re-visit our dealings with catastrophic events and tragedies which have an impact of significant magnitude in our lives, it's perhaps a way to scale down our desperation, and comforting ourselves that at this very present moment, we had survived. Looking back at these unfortunate events and trying to quantify the experience, it had to be our first reaction, followed by how we struggled to manage them over time, and finally to come to terms with it.

It's a way for us to process these traumas and at some point in time, stand amazed at the sturdiness of human courage. We draw on each other’s strength, and seek to attune each other’s resolve and understanding, in working things out as a community. The common knowledge derived from all this? Finding strength and knowing we are not that alone after all.

I’ve met with a friend recently who related a story of her girl friend who lost the boyfriend during the Tsunami last year. They were resting in their room at the resort after diving and the waters came and took them by surprise. A stranger barely managed to pull her out of the waters when the resort nearly collapsed, but the boyfriend was no where to be found. After a few days of searching in vain, she flew back to Singapore devastated and drained. She kept crying. Much concern and consolation was offered by love ones, but she would not be comforted. It was her way of processing this tragedy on her own.

Over the weeks, she started to open up to friends and asking herself questions. Why life was as such? It was inequitable for her and she couldn’t quite accept the loss in its totality still. Her good friends brought her to church support groups for people who’ve met similar losses during the Tsunami. The results were to be celebrated. With much tears she was able to openly lament with the rest. She comforted others whose loss was felt greater than hers. Perhaps this transaction had diluted her concentrated focus on self, and re-aligned her to tap into a common strength.

Months later, remains of the boyfriend were finally found. She was called to identify and collect the belongings. This time, she did not manage this alone. Friends and family followed her and she learnt to tap into a community of strength for her personal loss. Smiling weakly through those tears of anguish, she was able to face up bravely to her loss. She had survived it.

Coming close to the end of the year, I’ve heard news about her. She still questions her loss. But was able to appreciate the strength she’d found in reiterating the account to her friends. She shared with them the whole process from the beginning, and this experience encouraged many afflicted in the end.

Is it good to recall our losses? Perhaps. The strength we'd gained along the way should not be forgotten too.

Semplice Simon

Two Boys and a Parrot

Original Idea by N.Y.F , Dedicated to he who can make rocks bleed with emotions

In the beginning, there were two boys who got themselves a pet parrot. It was perfect. They promised each other to take care of it, clear its cage regularly from the dirty things, and to talk to it frequently.

Some weeks past, they took turn to clean the cage, talk to the parrot daily and to bath and care for it. Now this parrot was a very unique and special parrot indeed. It calls out the names of the two boys every time. Both of them found it so interesting, and became very excited about it.

But as the months past, the boys found imperfection about the parrot. It was something they didn't see initially. It has a clipped wing tip, a mismatched feather color on its tail and some feathers longer than others. And thus it was so, that one of the two, became less regular with the parrot's routine. Boredom and lethargy crept into his life. One fine day, he just couldn't be found anymore. But, the other continued, avidly cleaning the cage and talking to it.

Finally, it became only on one boy, to do these chores. He was dismayed. The other boy left, nobody knows why. But a strange but sad thing happened. The parrot stopped calling him, but instead, kept calling the name of the other boy which left. The boy, who remained, was reminded and determined to change the parrot's habit. He kept calling his own name instead, hoping the parrot would not call the name of the boy who left.

Many months past again, the parrot finally called the correct name. The boy who remained. He was happy and took great joy to nurse the parrot on his own. All these were not to be.

Another boy appeared one day and was interested in the parrot. The boy, who remained, was pleased and confident that the parrot would make a good pet for this new boy who came. He was careful to explain the clipped wing tip and its imperfect features while the new boy listened. He was not bothered and neither was he hesitant. He was ready to adopt and take care of the parrot.

Whatever came after was not widely discussed, the story must end here, and we'll never know.

Semplice Simon

Unhinging Myself

The last one month of my life had been the most swiveling in my 28 years of living. Finally, I managed to unhinged myself fully and dwell into the presence of this special guy in my life. I thought it appropriate to update my blog with this short and honest account of what had happened to me in the past 1 month.

I had been careful and cautious in guarding myself from indulging in a relationship. Meeting up with Marcus had been really, a very special and unique event in my life, which changed certain perspectives and shook my momentum completely, much to my delight. We started SMSing each other before I went for reservist on 02 Oct 2005 and met on the 20 Nov 2005. My first impression of him was only slightly different from what I've expected him to be in my mind.

I was open to friendship then and wasn't surprised that my dormant potential BF detector didn't go running off wild at the sight of him. We had a great chat and I found his personality and character to be almost exactly to what I've picture on MSN. After going out with him for a couple of time, I found myself deeply attracted to him. To use a few words to describe him, I would say these in its sequence and order of development : He's intelligent and witty, sincere and honest with his views, intensely connected and in tuned with the emotional and psychological aspects of himself and others, and humorous and "cutely" adorable. Not forgetin sensitive, mature, and yet having a childlike charm. Well, but I'll save the bad points to myself first :P .

It didn't take me long to decide on taking the plunge. I didn't know where all these were coming from and didn't know where we might head towards, but I figure I didn't want to wait too long to find out. I wanted to give it shot. It might or might not turn out well, but I guess we all reach that age where these things simply become of distant importance in our lives. We can't always have the whole cake and eat it. There's always the giving and taking of a little, here and there.. After going out with him for the past 2 or 3 weeks, I felt a part of me still hanging like a door spoilt on half its hinges. It was swiveling uncontrollably in an erratic manner against the wind. I was not moving on as I ought to. It finally changed today, and I'm off those hinges.

Today is to be our 1 month "meet up" anniversary. My friend Ken reminded me to buy chocolates for him, but I decided not to. I remembered him not being keen on keeping count of days past and marking anniversaries. I could be wrong about that. We went to a Thai Restaurant today and my... was I surprised! After finishing our main course I casually reminded him that today was our 1 month meet up anniversary. I was expecting a blank look and nothing much after. Instead, a waiter brought this Thai pudding thingie in a cup with a candle lit on it. Confused ... I thought openly to him "Eh.. you mean this restaurant serve desserts with candles ar? Where's yours?!" He said he told the waiter it was my birthday and got them to do it while I was at the washroom earlier. Woooh.... I felt my stomach twirl.. Not from the Tom Yum soup.. But from this most beautiful gesture anybody had done for me in years. I wanted to swallow the dessert.. cup and everything in it. He said, "This kind of things must share one. .cannot eat alone, all the luck will run out!" LOL.. isn't he sweet?! :P

Marcus struck the most beautiful chord in my life. I hope we can be together forever.

Semplice Simon

The Fox and the Little Prince

It was then that the little fox appeared.
‘Good day,’ said the fox.
‘Good day,’ replied the little prince politely, looking but unable to see anything.
‘Over here,’ said the voice, ‘under the apple tree.’
‘Who are you?’ said the little prince, ‘You’re very pretty.’
‘I’m a fox,’ said the fox.

‘Come and play with me,’ suggested the little prince. ‘I am terribly sad.’
‘I can’t play with you,’ said the fox. ‘I am not tame.’
‘Oh! I beg your pardon,’ said the little prince.
Then after a moment’s thought, he added:
‘What does “tame” mean?’

‘You are not from these parts,’ said the fox. ‘What are you looking for?’
‘I’m looking for people. What does “tame” mean?’
‘People,’ said the fox, ‘they have guns, and they hunt. It’s a great nuisance! They also raise chickens. That is the only interesting thing about them. Are you looking for chickens?’

‘No,’ said the little prince. ‘I am looking for friends. What does “tame” mean?’
‘Something that is frequently neglected,’ said the fox. ‘It means “to create ties”.’
‘To create ties?’

‘Precisely,’ said the fox. ‘To me, you are still only a small boy, just like a hundred thousand other small boys. And I have no need of you. And you have no need of me. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you shall be unique in the world. To you, I shall be unique in the world.’

‘I’m beginning to understand,’ said the little prince. ‘ I know a flower… I think she must have tamed me…’
‘Quite possible,’ said the fox. ‘On this Earth one sees all manner of things.’
‘Oh! But that was not on Earth,’ said the little prince.
The fox looked rather intrigued.
‘On another planet ,then?’
‘Yes.’
‘I see. Are there huntsman, on this other planet?’
‘No.’
‘How interesting. And chickens?’
‘No.’
‘Nothing is perfect,’ sighed the fox.

But he resumed his train of thought:

‘My life is very monotonous. I run after the chickens; the men run after me. All the chickens are the same, all the men are the same. Consequently, I get a little bored. But if you tame me, my days will be as if filled with sunlight. I shall know the sound of a footstep different from all the rest. Other steps make me run to earth. Yours will call me out of my foxhole, like music. And besides, look over there! You see the fields of corn? Well, I don’t eat bread. Corn is of no use to me. Corn fields remind me of nothing. Which is sad. On the other hand, your hair is the color of gold. So think how wonderful it will be when you have tamed me. The corn, which is golden, will remind me of you. And I shall come to love the sound of the wind in the field of corn.

The fox fell silent and looked steadily at the little prince for a long time.
‘Please,’ he said, ‘tame me!’

‘I should like to,’ replied the little prince, ‘ but I don’t have much time. I have friends to discover and many things to understand.’
‘One only ever understands what one tames. People no longer have the time to understand anything. They buy everything ready-made from the shops. But there is no shop where friends can be bought, so people no longer have friends. If you want a friend, tame me!’

‘What do I have to do?’ said the little prince.
‘You have to be very patient,’ replied the fox.
‘First you will sit down a short distance away from me, like that, in the grass. I shall watch you out of the corner of my eye and you will say nothing; words are the source of misunderstandings. But each day you may sit a little closer to me.’

The next day the little prince came back.

‘It would have been better to come back at the same time of the day,’ said the fox. ‘For instance, if you come at four in the afternoon, when three o’clock strikes I shall begin to feel happy. The closer our time approaches, the happier I shall feel. By four o’clock I shall already be getting agitated and worried. I shall be discovering that happiness has its price. But if you show up at any old time, I’ll never know when to start dressing my heart for you… We all need rituals.’

‘What is a ritual?’ said the little prince.
‘Something else that is frequently neglected,’ said the fox. ‘It’s what makes one day different from the other days, one hour different from the other hours. There is a ritual, for example, amongst my huntsmen. On Thursday they dance with the village girls. So Thursday is a wonderful day for me! I can take a stroll as far as the vineyard. If all the huntsmen went dancing at any old time, the days would all be the same, and I should never have a holiday.’

So the little prince tamed the fox. And when the time for him to leave was approaching:
‘Oh!’ said the fox. ‘I am going to cry.’
‘It’s your own fault,’ said the little prince. “I never wished you any harm; but you wanted me to tame you…’
‘I know,’ said the fox.
‘And now you are going to cry!’ said the little prince.
‘I know,’ said the fox.
‘So you have gained nothing from it at all!’
‘Yes, I have gained something,’ said the fox, ‘because of the color of the corn.’

***

‘Goodbye’ said the fox. ‘Now here is my secret, very simply: you can only see things clearly with your heart. What is essential is invisible to the eye.’
‘What is essential is invisible to the eye,’ repeated the little prince, so as to remember.
‘It is the time you have wasted on your [fox] that makes your [fox] so important.’
‘People have forgotten this truth,’ said the fox. ‘But you must not forget. You become responsible, for ever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your [fox].’

‘I am responsible for my [fox]…’ the little prince repeated, so as to remember.

***

That Momentous Present

It's been a while since I've updated the blog. It is for a good reason though. I really love to share my trash, about the silly thoughts and ridiculous feelings I have on people and events around. It is a very profound algorithm, having to go through that short thinking process when an incident of the least importance in my life shoots pass at the moment, and enabling myself to generalize and make sense of it to my friends and most importantly, to myself.

I went for the stage musical "Rent" the other day. I didn't do much reading up on it before going for it. I must admit, the sound system and acoustics in Kallang Theater was not very conducive for me to pick up the words and story. I wished they were singing half the speed and “vowelized” more with exaggerated mouth contortions. And plus the fact I was sitting 3 storey up and looking down at everybody's forehead, it didn't help to know that the size of the actors were the size of my thumb held up in front of me. … Oh well, for 120 bucks and a lousy theater, what can we expect? I thoroughly enjoyed the second Act, where topics about love and human relationships were constantly serenaded. How fiercely they sang about the youthful passions and struggles in life and the courage to stay undecided, and be proud to pursue your dreams.

I was reminded a very simple lesson in life recently, by someone who's slowly and surely accelerating in importance to my life. Inspired by his "Car Park" theory, I likewise am going to allocate one very unique and special lot for him. The lesson is to focus on the present. The thought of it was so logical and obvious, and yet, it had simply slipped out of my mind over the years. Perhaps studying Computer Science had warped my thought patterns so much that I could instantaneously think up multiple scenarios and results, all possible assumptions and contributing factors to various branch of decision making, in that snap of a finger. This had perhaps been a stumbling block to me and had complicated my life more than I should allow it. I could cut it all down you know, and to simply concentrate on making the best of that momentous present. We can't control the future and we can't change what's past. But we can determine quite well and to turn things right for that second. We really ought to do this.

This is perhaps another lesson that I've learn from "Rent". A person who is full of self awareness, and not being afraid to admit his insufficiencies in life, to acknowledge his fears and its uncertainties, is indeed a rare beauty. We don't have to be absolute and definite all time. And when we do concede to those ambiguities in life, it is not a weakness, but a silent built-up to embrace them wholeheartedly at our own pace.

The story runs a lot deeper than the time I could spare to read up on it. I would rather put down my own understanding after watching than to follow the mainstream critiques. Then again, we should not have too much absolute, right? Having different perceptions and opinions is still the one common dignity in life.

Semplice Simon

The Right Time , The Wrong Time

After given much thought and careful planning, I've decided not to take up the Master of Technology course next year. MTech will take up 9-5 of all of my Saturdays for 2 ½ years, 20 full day weekday lessons, countless project meetings for major subjects, many deadlines to meet etc.. Adding another piece of paper to my collection isn't such a bad idea. I felt the time wasn't right though. There are many factors which made me change my mind.

I need to put this crazy paper chase on a more dissectible level. Initially, I felt the degree could enable me to shift to an academic position. Teach and perhaps lecture in schools instead of staying in the Industry for long. It is getting too dynamic for me, at times, plain suffocating. But I need more industrial experience, before taking on the role of imparting knowledge. By three years time, I don't think I have enough of that yet. And a pay cut would be inevitable if I am to change line. It's not the right time yet.

Another reason being the course content has the risk of being obsolete by the time I graduate. This MTech is solely on Technology based subjects; It is only contemporary to the time the syllabus is released. More conservative IT Project Management Methodologies and its applications, IT involvement in Strategic Business Planning etc are kept to a minimal. This will affect the value of the degree, and its worth in my career. I've already gotten CITPM, and it has already secured certain Project Lead responsibilities, but still it's not enough. My current company doesn't really appreciate it since there's no opening in the higher hierarchy to squeeze through for promotion. I am just waiting it out. It is still the wrong timing.

But the most important reason here is the quality of my life. I really wish to save up for traveling instead of paying for my school fees. I crave to go out with friends more often, to live life as vibrant as possible... , and of course, spending more time finding a life partner in that crazy arena called Love.

I want to improve my vocal techniques too, form gay and lesbian mini choir ensembles, learn more instruments, sing and play in public places, bring music to others etc..There are many books I want to read too, many places I want to go and many people I want to meet... ( or at least there's one particular guy .. :P ) All these will add into broadening my horizon and to give myself a more fulfilling and satisfying life. They were, initially my core interests and primary goals in life when I was younger. This should be the direction I must head now. It is the right time.

What is the use of being learned and wise, when there are no friends and love ones to share it with? What is the point of establishing a career when it is not my primary interest in life? What is the benefit of inflating my bank account with a fat pay when I don't have somebody I love to shower it upon? What am I doing with my life? For whom do I live for and for what purpose when finality comes knocking? I don't want to center my life on my career and money. By the time I have established them, can time be turned back for me to expend these tangibles to improve my life? I want my desires and purpose to be center around the man that I love, my family and friends, my passions in life etc. Only these can satisfy my thirst for satisfaction. It is the right time to start. Right now or never.

Semplice Simon

PS : I saw him at the hawker center just when I was looking for dinner. Wrong timing. I turned on my heels and walked off in haste. Over a plate of rice I asked myself, why this over-reaction. Two answers came. I am not that courageous yet, to face him, and who he is seeing. Next time, I will be brave enough.

Strangely-Sore-Feeling-To-Love-Again

I've told myself that I wouldn't be falling in love so easily again. But to tell myself that I've no particular person in mind and that nobody around me attracts me currently is perhaps a lie and a desperate attempt to twist myself out of another pending heart break. I cannot yet fully grasp and control my own feelings at times. It is the inconsistency between what I really feel in that frail heart, and the apparent logic in resulting from my analytical mind. I would coin this as that "Strangely-Sore-Feeling-To-Love-Again". (SSFLA)

I must admit that I had never felt this SSFLA as strong as it is now. One of the reasons being I've never broke up from such a long relationship before. But what is the cause of this? I can almost will this feeling to come as easily nowadays. Is it because of the discomforting and persisting feeling of loss and sadness after a breakup? Is it because of the feeling and hope of possibly loving and seeing somebody new again? Is it because of the fear of everything repeating itself all over again as it had so often? Or is it simply because I'm too convinced of the only surety of my own fate is a big conclusive unhappy ending? I'm not too sure. I have all this four feelings walking alongside each other waiting for me to join them again.

How am I going to handle such a mix of feelings and how things would to turn out for me? I am not too sure either. Corny is it may be, Gumprates says ... "Life is like a box of chocolates.. You’ll never know what you're gonna get..." We should take on life as an adventure, like corridors full of doors that look the same, but leads to different world. Like a forest, with trees tops leading to different wonderful places. Like a cupboard, which when walking in, brings us into another fantasy. This sense of excitement which comes before our embarkation on certain stages in life, and before the start of a wonderful phase, is clearly what I need. Is my age catching up on me, I wonder. Am I failing to invoke both subconsciously and consciously, pleasant childlike sugary feeling in my heart when something sweet happens? Or for that that matter, somebody who’s so right in coming along in my life. And in its place is just a heavy soreness which I long to get rid. God forbids!!!

Time is a real good medicine... I need an overdose for an overdrive right now!!

Semplice Simon

Lao Jiu - The Musical

After watching this musical at the National Library Theater, there were only 4 main thoughts which aligned themselves on parallel to our lives. Are we pursuing our own dreams in life? Are we pursuing others' dreams for us, in our life? What will happen in the end for us in both scenarios? Would you give up your own dreams to live up to the expectations of other people?

Lao Jiu is a Chinese musical, depicting the life of the ninth child of the Chng family. He is the only son with eight other elder sisters. Everybody’s pinning their hopes and dreams of wealth, fame and success on him, while deep inside, he only wish the colorful life of a puppeteer. With this inner strife between his deepest desires and dreams, and those pressured upon him from his family. The process of working out the conflicts of vision between him and his family, and the ending, were both quite surprising. Overall, it was enjoyable.

Technically speaking, the stage was small, but the actors were very skilled making use of the constraint to fully express themselves through well choreographed dance, beautiful props, costumes and music, and very carefully chosen words in the lyrics. There were many plus points to the musical and so are the negative ones. The lead actor is very cute but singing was not that in tune and certain consonants wasn't catch on clearly. The overall cast must improve their pronunciation. When they sing in Chinese, certain words cannot be brought across clearly and we had to keep looking at the subtitles on the side walls to make sense. Other than these small hiccups, there were not much to complain about in this famous piece of work.

Semplice Simon

Short Little Moosings - 9

I went for a little night blading just.. and boy.. I sure regretted climbing those slopes. Fell on my bums while speeding down. Two ladies bikers exclaimed as they went pass me... "Thank God he has his pads on..!" I was like... HELLO!!.. the only padding I had on was my GMP ( Gluteus Maximus Padding ) . I'd bounced a couple time off the tar road on those paddings. Besides that, I had a great time. Bladed all the way from Mac to Fort Rd to Bedok Jetty .. rested for a while at the night view from the jetty.. and went back.

Saw a couple blading. It was so sweet of them. The guy was holding the lady's hand as they bladed together.. in synchronized momentum... they didn't let go of each other's hand even though their blading went out of sync. LOL.

If those blades were the strifes and turmoil of life, the road ahead was their journey together, and their hands held together were the faith in each other's love... how wonderful it would all be.

Semplice Simon

Mood - Relax
Feeling - Cautious
Thinking - I need Night Vision Goggles and Buttock Padding for Night blading..
Love - My New Hard Disk!!!

Excess Baggage Payment

Sent off a good friend at the airport the other night.. MZ's off to Thailand for a three month work assignment. Fetched her from the house and saw the poor mum crying. It's for fear of not seeing her again.... Quite dramatic.. It's just a short three months. MZ doesn't long trips often, and the mum needs a little getting used to due to the new job. MZ admited she didn't feel overjoyed to be away from her family for that long. The mum no doubt can be a nag, but she is a lovely woman.

On the way to the airport, she started mentioning what she'll be missing, and what she regretted not to have done earlier. This trip was quite a last minute decision, and she was given only a week's notice to prepare. All is well. She did all she could. She arranged for friends to bring her mum fro therapy and follow-up. She had another friend helping her with the bills. Another one was supposed to pay a visit to her house occasionally, to ensure her brother wasn't up to any mischief. She had to rearrange the schedule for some part time studies and also notify her other classmates to help her collect notes. I was just a backup to everything else. haha. .

Despite all the rearrangements made to slip out of routine, she still didn't feel quite right. I asked her why. She told me she might be extending her stay, if her boss so wills, and that would mean more trouble for her. I told her. "Look dear, you've made all the things possible for life to carry on here without you, so please, don't worry so much. Even if you'd to stay there for a year, I doubt life will stop here because of you." Now, that wasn't much of a consolation. She started badgering me on how heartless I was.

We finally reached the airport. Her unusually large suitcase could have fitted me in. Attempting to inject some jest into the whole situation, I asked whether she had space there inside for me. Looking at me, incredulous that I could still humor her at this moment. She started asking me where she was to go, where to check in, what time to board, what to do inside, what not to bring, and where to get water on board of the plane?! Hmm..

We checked in and the lady at the counter was nice enough to remind her to take out all restricted items from her hand-carried into the suitcase. She had to unlock the suitcase, reveal the undies and lingerie in public just to tuck those objects away. Embarrassing. After checking in of the suitcase, we grab a burger at BK and started wandering around the airport looking at guys (that's me.. ) and at girls (that's her.. ) , books and magazine.

After a while, we came to a counter which had a large sign "Excess Baggage Payment" leveled over the heads of two very voluptuous Malay women. Gosh, talking about excess weight. They were going to charge a tantamount sum to all that dares to come through the airport with extra weight and luggage. This is to ensure all the holidayers will have their mood spoilt, the oversea students will have a bigger hole in their pocket, and to the executives, their due inconveniences to answer to their company. They were gleefully attending to a desperate ang moh couple, convincing them of the policies and reason of charges placed at the counter.

Looking at them, I can't help thinking about the rest of us with the "Excess Baggage". In some stages of our lives, we will get to this counter with the two nice ladies. They will punish you for carrying too much baggage. Even if it wasn't intentional, they will make you pay for it by inflicting a high price. There are people just like that around us. They make you very aware of the unnecessary and depressing memories, constantly reminding you to get over it and yet cannot stop reminding you at the same time. I don't have to pay for something which I desire to carry along at my own will. Anybody out there with the slightest of dignity must be given the right to do so. Why do they have to make it more painful for you? Perhaps, we didn't mean to carry so many luggages along. We were subconsciously taking them along with us in life because we quietly enjoys it?

As MZ walked pass the guards through the glass door, she started waving at me. Determined not to be further humiliated, I merely nodded at her. She started walking away, still waving and smiling, desperate to catch my attention. I couldn't help finally but to break into a big cheeky smile and waved back.

Good thing she didn't bring any excess baggage with her, at least, I tried to appease her mind before she left.

Semplice Simon

My Bonnie Lies over the Ocean

Recently, a friend of mine is going through a long distance relationship. It's a brave attempt and I wish him well. It's definitely not easy but I've heard of friends going through LDR for 4 years without even meeting up face to face. Goodness know they were more like pen pals than boyfriends. But hey, give them some credit for not giving up halfway. Like this article which I've picked up somewhere. It's not impossible, but just a bit more challenging and takes an extra effort.

There are pros and cons for not meeting up face to face. Seeing too much of each other can be quite detrimental to the relationship in certain cases. It reduces our own private space and time. This is especially true to those who had spent more than half of their lives strongly independent and surviving only by their self sufficiency. But then, change is good. Would you give up the luxury of private space to accommodate somebody you love? Risk that intrusion of somebody whom you are not sure how sharing your life with him might be like? I hope so.

For myself, I've never gotten tired of seeing somebody "too much" in my life. If it's somebody I love, I don't really mind spending regular time together, even if it means everyday. I mean, that's the whole point of having a relationship right? That is to intertwine our lives together and to see each other face to face regularly. Anyway, back to a LDR, this can only be a temporal platform for the couple to try certain things, ultimately, they must developed a concrete plan to make it conclusive. Can't be having phone sex all the time either.

Some people might get my motive wrong on writing this blog entry on LDR, to clear things up a bit... I'm not that noble. I just feel that this piece of information from the article may come in useful in the future. Read it with a pinch of salt.

Semplice Simon

Coming Out and Going Away

I've never felt so overjoyed and sad so quickly, over a short period of 14 hours. For very good reasons as I may explain to you soon. Went out for blading this morning with my Sec. School girlfriends. There were LZ, RY, SH and her husband CH.

I was so overjoyed to have finally found a RollerBlading Khaki in LZ. ~happy!~ She's especially interested in picking up lessons together with skateline and suggested we sign up together. She was good actually, at least she wasn't the one falling on her butt after a road hump.

We started blading for only 10 min, the thunderstorm came. Rain started pouring. ~sad!~ The RollerBladers took shelter in one pavilion while the cyclists took another one further down the road. Rained continually for half an hour. Both me and LZ started chatting about things like work, school and how long we've known each other. 14 years!! That's how long I've known these girlfriends. ~happy!~

The storm lifted and we continued blading and cycling for another half an hour. ~happy!~ It was too short for me though. The bicycles' timing was up and we had to return it quickly. Went back to mac for lunch and chitty chatty. Met this colleague of RY. Name is BG.. (Ba1 Gua4). My Gosh.. she's so Auntish!!!! can't believe she's our age. A bit ..big on the hind side... think it's child bearing.. She started chatting and sat down at our table without invitation. ~pissed!~ Started gossiping to RY about her children's school and teachers. RY teaches there by the way. BG continued with how RY ought to get married and that she's not getting any younger and blah blah. BTW, RY was my 1st bf's girlfriend of 5 years. Read my previous blog entries to understand better. :P We are sort of.. erghm good friends.. Quite a complicated situation. They don't know about me being part of the Rainbow Community though.

Anyway, we finally left and I sent LZ and RY back home. We had the most earth shattering conversation in my car.

"Are you girls seeing anybody? The lady just now was quite worried." ... I asked..

"Seeing anybody? No.. we are seeing you aren't we? hahhaa ... " ~lame~ ... LZ replied.

"No lar.. I meant.. like boyfriend girlfriend that kinda thing.. " I asked.. again..

"No leh, not at the moment. Work take up too much time. ..What about you leh?" RY answered ..

"I see .. hmm.. how long have we known each other?? " I asked ..

"Around 14 years since Sec 1?" LZ answered counting her fingers..

"Don't you find something quite strange about me over the years?" I asked.. sheepishly..

"Oh Oh.. that you never had a girlfriend before??? hahah " LZ answered animatedly..

"hahahaha.. what made you think that??? " I replied quickly..

"or.... You have other 'inclinations'..? hahahhhaah "... RY quizzed, giggling away..

"Actually, .. I do have.... " I answered hesitantly..

..... short pause ...

"How come you never brought her out to show us?? So bad!! " LZ answered again..thinking I have a girlfriend.

.. ~choke..~..

"Aiyoh.. I meant, I do have ... other inclinations .. I'm not Straight..!!" I corrected her quickly..

... uncomfy short pause ....

"Got boyfriend or not??? How come you never brought him out to show us?? " LZ answered ... again..

~happy!~ I can almost hear the choir singing "O Happy Day". Exactly how I feel. It took me quite a while to decide whether to tell them. After many years, and the fact I am getting to 30 soon. I've decided I should slowly open myself up to my closest friends. It didn’t' turn out half as bad as I've expected. MZ my faghag lesbo friend, was quite sure that all hell will break lose and they will not like what they are hearing. I was glad that she was wrong.. for the time being. LZ and RY was quite receptive about the whole thing, and I clarified with them my motive. I wanted us to be closer friends at a different plane now. Now we can at least admire guys together. hahaha... Of course.. many other things went through my mind about today, but I will leave the problem till tomorrow.

~sad!~ MZ told me she's leaving for Thailand for work. For three months or more. quite sad though. Went out for supper with her just now. I didn't tell her that, but I can't really bear to see her go. You know how some people we don't get to see everyday, for that matter.. .not frequent at all and when the news of leave breaks, a sensitive button is pressed. MZ is like a deep old tree planted in my heart. We've not been weathering through together for some time, and neither do I water it and make sure the sun comes. But when the tree is to be uprooted... the pain.. and vacuum can be felt almost like a piece of flesh being slice off.

Maybe the feeling of loss is still quite raw in me. With more partings, it's more apparent how vulnerable our hearts gets affected by changes in relationships. I wish that everything may be static and never changing. But change will always be the only thing constant. Like a Chinese saying goes, there will always be an end to every good banquet. I wish her all the best. Hope we'll get to spend chinese new year together next year.

Semplice Simon