Yodeling Yodeling.. !!

I returned home just now feeling very much satisfied with myself. I'd sang a lot this weekend. Marcus painstakingly put together a book of songs recently and compiled a cd with all the sample MP3 and backup music for them. I can't denied my excitment to listen to them and to try my best to copy certain styles. I've never really taken a liking for opera. They didn't make sense to me. But as the days went, the more I listend to Marcus and his singing, and all the other sampling of fantastic tenor voices; being induced with a growing interest is inevitable.

I have a lot of things to improve in my vocal techniques. Began teaching choirs for like 11 years ago with zero knowledge. Along the way, there were much help to what a choral sound should sound like. I strongly advocate the belief in "Musically Sound Common Sense" and of its approach to musical interpretation. I believed that we don't have to be professinally trained all time. But boy was i wrong. I realised over the years that, some time, we do need to extra professional advice from somebody who does know their stuff.

I came from a wind band background and playing french horn and flute took up nearly another 8 years of my time. Never could I imagine that I would be working so hard on my vocal works, to master that musical instrument which is nearer to my soul. I very happy that I am improving. Along the way, Marcus had identified certain wrong techniques which I'd adopted, and some other things to polish on. Same as my other "vocalistic" friends, they had identified the same set of problems with my voice.

Basically, I lack air support, the high ringing and projectivity of a tenor voice, the italian/german flavor to opera and lots of other things. It takes time but I guess I will get there.

Semplice Simon

Things We Don't need at 30

One good thing about aging, is that when you come to a ripe "old" age of 30, you realised that you have put up with many nonsensical things in life. Finally, you put down your foot on it all and says to yourself, regardless of the consequences, I just don't need this anymore. On contrary to people who would think that they would cherish people and their sentiments more when growing older. I don't really think that works for me at this time. In fact, I have recently come to a conclusive end to a few good individuals in my life.

Not that I hate this people. But after a very very long period of time over years. It just seems that there are problems and hurdles which cannot be crossed. They keep coming back. And it makes one wonder whether anything objective or beneficial may result from this mad pursuit of harmony and peace in a human to human relationship. Do we need this at all, really? I am not too sure about that anymore. If it doesn't work for me, and it is not worth the trouble, and can be easily replaced with something of weightier significance and importance. Why not? Let's call it quits then. Perhaps the question is not really whether we need certain people in our lives, but rather do we need each other at this present moment? If a relalationship does not transact to a mutually profitable and edifying exchange of feelings and emotions, I dare say, we don't need it at all.

The other side of the coin would be this : would we be going from person to person, friend to friend, trying to find that few that can be included in our inner circle of friends. We would then seek a pleasing and harmonious relationship with that few elite while dumping everybody else that comes along first with their first signs of offence? Again I must insist, that my theory might work and is excusable. It took me many years to finally come to these conclusion about some people. Is that a good reason to justify life without them?

Semplice Simon

Statistics and Probability

Mathematics happened to be one of my favorite subjects in Sec. School. I easily scored top marks in my school for mathematics and the crazy old bag of a maths teacher seemed to like me alot. He invited me and MZ quite often to his house for a time of "discussion" on his mathematics solving skills and stock market strategies. (ie. I could never understand the latter) There was one particular part of maths which I never really could grasp well. Yeap.. StateyProbs.. My maths teacher never ceased to amaze me on how important, Stats and Probs can be. The light hearted examples being in playing Cards, poker, casinos and mahjhong! Stats and Probs plays a very important part in these games. Game Theory they called it? I was never too fascinated with it. Stats and Probs to me, had always been a very abstract branch of maths.

They basically calculate how "it could have been" s.. and what "it could become" s.. Don't make sense? Yeah.. it's doens't make sense to me either. I'm not trying to downplay this department but maths to me, should be something very precise and used for evidential purposes. In other words, to solve, prove and reason. Stats and Probs draws more grey areas than the black thick lines.

My colleague recently shared about the possiblity of striking gold if we have a thousand dollar to spare, keeps buying the same set of numbers for 4Ds.. It seems incredible and yet logical to me that it will work in the long run. After a chat with Marcus, I was put in a clearer perspective that, of all the scenarios availing from a 1000 dollar bill. Each number is of equal possibility. The only real difference, the how much one can spare to buy 4D, and how greedy, obsessed, determined, desperate etc .. a person can be. No matter how one tries to use Stats and Probs to plot out a winning streak for 4D and ToTo, the underlying reason can always be a simple human illogical obesession in striking gold.

Well, that's that. The last time I tried to use Stats and Probs, I was playing BlackJack in a friend's house during Chinese new. I manage to win back what I lost. Now that's, putting maths into pracitcal use.

Semplice Simon

Not A Very Good Friday

Friday was really a non event for me. Year after year Good Friday had been the same for me. Guess the only real difference this year, was that I was partaking service in another church. I left my church last year, and had since joined Cal BP for the past 1.5 years. I sang in the choir today. Two different songs. In my opinion, it was quite average. Wasn't that fantastic. Our second song "O Love that will not let me go!" was not that easy to do. The choir did not spend too much time working out the details also. I guess it's partly my conductress' father who's critically ill with lung cancer. I see her quite distracted nowadays during practice.

That's not the highlight of the day though. I met up with Marcus after service at Tiong Bahru Market for supper. On the way, we notice an accident on the road . Not having a clear view of the situation, I asked Marcus whether he should be helping.. Before I can clearly analyse any "extra-ordinarily troubling" implications, he jumped out from my car and dashed over the the scene of the accident... "OOOOooo my hero!!" LOL. I parked my car quickly (and illegally) and quickened my steps towards the junction. Woh.. the man, in his late forties, was lying on his side in a pool of blood fresh emerging from his mouth and nose..He had visible scratches, cuts and bruises all over. Laying on his side in an odd angle, he must have broken a few things. There was a mangled bicycle some distance off. Judging from the situation, the taxi crashed into the front of it and sent the man flying.

I was a bit shaken at the sight. I've never seen so much blood before. Especially in an accident. But surprisingly, a few things really hit me. Quite a number of people came forward to help. There were people redirecting traffic, calling the police and ambulance, putting up the sign boards to block the victim from oncoming vehicles, someone brought a roll of toilet papers to clean up the man etc etc.. Marcus decided it was best not to move the body as it might aggravate the injuries.

We waited a good ten minutes before the ambulance arrived. Marcus gave his SOP medical report to the CDF Medics, and off they went. We proceeded on with our supper for the night. Nothing much we could have done for the poor man besides praying hard that he had escaped the death that night.

What really struck me was the amount of fear and panic in the taxi driver's voice when he called his friend. He broke into tears. I am sure nobody had wished for this horrible accident, but I cannot help imagining myself or my friends in any of the three situations ie. The person who caused the accident, the victim of the accident, or the relatives and friends for both two cases. It had been a traumatising night. But it was really quite an experience.

Semplice Simon

Displacing my BLOG (Happy 7th Month Blog Anniversary)

I wish to announce this glad tidings of joy!! HO HOOOO HOOOO!!! With effect from today, I would be changing BLOG address! Meaning to say, I would cease to post in this address and will thus propel my blog once more into an unknown address. Into the obscure cyberworld where anybody can read it...

So if you are interested in knowing what's happening in my life lately .. CALL ME!! Goddamnit!!!! :P

Anyway, that's that.

Semplice Simon ( Fine for cookiben, and happy anniversary bloggggieee!!! )

Short Little Moosings - 13

Quarterly Review of New Year Resolutions 2006!

Going to do a short review of my new year resolutions. As nearly a quarter of the year had passed, it is time to take a quick look on resolutions.

1. Participate in the 21 Km Half Marathon end of the year
Just completed my 16km mark last friday. This is just an approximation according to measuring on the map.

2. Get my GMAT Done
I've decided to push this back a bit. Will try the book's questions.

3. Get my ABRSM Grade 5 Done
I've decided to push this back too. Serves no immediate advantage to my career.

4. Save up for A Trip end of Year 2006
I would still like to do this.

5. Drive Safely
I'm trying!!!! :P

6. Learn to drive with all my different shoes
Yeay!!! I've suceeded. But I think Babet Junior is a bit grouchy.. I've been using her for practice with all my different shoes.

** New Resolutions **

7. Complete my Microsoft Certified Application Developer (MCAD)
Needs two more papers. Doing 70-229 now.

8. Complete Oracle Certification in DB Admin, Forms Development and PL SQL Programming
Started on OCA (DBA) study.

There are a couple of things on my mind. Need time to think over. It's one of those milestones in life. It is like we seem to have so many choices and yet, full of dilemmas. Our hearts yearn for that one thing, and for that one thing our minds is perplexed with its paradox. This state of unrest is good in some ways..

Do I need a sign? A clear signal and indication on what I want OR need to do? Why am I seeking those external signs then? Can't I just work on my feelings? Things which might had seemed so apparent and logical to me, now is botched with my clumsy and indecisive spirit.

Ultimately, it's the internal being, which enables us to be happy. But is this really true? Is it the things that we do for ourselves, which inevitably will be the only thing that can make us happy? I feel like that wilful abandonment sometimes and yet, I laugh at the thought of myself performing it in a deluded and constricted circumstance. I might just play that Samwise-Gamgee. Now, Samwise, I have always felt, was the true hero of the trilogy.

We need that fullness of life. I've always struggled with this balance of tumultuous challenge of ambitions, and the desperation for simplistic and stable living. This short rattling of a series of totally incoherent thoughts, may far well explain how totally dotty I am.

Semplice Simon

Mood - Fabulous!!! : )
Feeling - Happy.. sad.. excited.. anxious... worried.. nervous.. glad...!!
Thinking - How can a big fat woman from China do a split? Incredible!!
Love - My sweet pea...Hey cookie.. will always be around to offer my "help-without-asking" to you. :)

Déjà vu

It's been more than 1 complete month since I've last updated my blog. Been real busy studying and planning for more certification courses and exams. Will plough through those details soon. Today's a day of déjà vu. The experience of knowing that this new situation had occurred to me before.

Long story short, Marcus application to Harvard got through!!! Woh... now that's something worth noting. Nothing concrete yet as funding is still in question. It’s the prospects of studying overseas, the prestige of a renowned institution and the excitement of a whole new world of discovery. But wait, I had been through this before. It's like “The Matrix” ‘s kitty cat scene, Déjà vu. Spare you my corniness, but it's not the first time when my boyfriend had to spend months away from me for further studies. Hmm.. Let me see, what's the similarities.?.. A 9 months course.. Crazy rush to get funding.. Planning to settle outstanding issues here, planning to shift your life temporarily to another country, settling administration here and there... Gosh.. It's All Coming Back to me now.( .. Celine Dion!! .. ).. I've done all this before!! While the course of events may seems similar, the way we make it have to be different. Different and perhaps, better also.

That is precisely the advantage I have now. I know what to do and what to plan for. I need to plan for visits, pack food for him, open up all available channels of communication with him (ie the cheapest please!!!). Plan religiously to keep each other updated. I have to plan how to occupy my time, get postcards, mail him stuff etc etc…. There are just endless things to do, to safeguard a relationship over a short period of separation.

Now, Please don't presume I’m saying all things in negativity and bitterness. In fact, I am better prepared this time. I think I can handle this separation better than the last. I do feel sad, excited, worried, happy, and anxious and everything rolled into one complete ball of messy wool. But then, Déjà vu!! I'd felt this before! And it’s not new, and I can handle it better. It’s probably more worrying whether Marcus can handle it. Stepping aside and peering over my shoulder, I feel resigned to the fact that this kind of thing happens in most relationships. We just have to work it out don't we? The dynamics of a relationship can really excites me. Ironically the changes that come along can sadden me too.

Well well, today's Mingzhu's Birthday. Happy Birthday MZ!! Thanks for being my good friend for so many years. Since 1990? Gosh.. that would be more than 1 and a half decade!

Semplice Simon

Short Little Moosings - 12

It's been a long long week. Many things to do work and tons of projects and meeting to rush through. I can't seem to meet the dateline for a couple of projects which pressure has been added on naturally by the bosses.

Looking at the many things shining on my bright side, I've still got a job, good health and sound mind. Thank God for the 100th day that we've been together. It's miraculous to have found somebody who's more meticulous than me in remembering time and dates. Happy 100th and more coming long Marcus!!

A couple of thing's I've been up to lately:
Still reeling from my BKK trip and the sweet memories.
Working on V Day part 2 present.
Just completed my Harry Potter Half Blood Prince - A.D. died!!! Can you believe that!! It's tragic!!!
Finished "Talk to the Hand" by Lynne Truss, and started on "Narcissus And Goldmund" by Hermann Hesse
Working on Marathon. Longest run outside - 1h 40 min , on treadmill 1h - 8.5km on 3 degree incline
Setting up my database for job application
Planning the CD cataloguing program for Marcus.
Need to plan my by GMAT and ABRSM soon.
Just watched "I Not Stupid Too" today
Attended "Bach's Back" concert by Martin Setchell (Not terribly impressed!!)


Semplice Simon

Mood - Excited Excited!! Many things to do..! :)
Feeling - Exhausted, I think my body clock isn't adjusting back.
Thinking - When's our 365th day?
Love - "Thank God I've Found You" Mariah Carey

Falling Leaves

Without change, as a routine appointment to keep, the leaves of the tree will fall without fail. Over season and times of change, the leaves will continue to cast its faded shade of death over the streets. The repellent sight which lies ahead, how tiresome can it get? The dead litter and heap of stillness, what joys can one find? As a man who strolls down these paths, kicking up the dull foliage, it can almost bring despair just by the sniff of pungent dryness. And yet there is a certain story to tell.

I read somewhere when I was young, that for every falling leave you catch in the air, you’ll get a day of good luck. So there it goes, a little boy ran around one day while autumn braced. Using a black bag he sped down the streets willing the gust to blow. Catching with not much of a finger lifted, a bag full of leaves fallen from the trees caught in air. Gathering it all up he came to the old man and sounded brightly, “I’ve much luck in my life now cos’ I’ve gathered as such.”

The old man smiled quietly and reaching into the bag he asked, “How many leaves are there in here?”

The boy answered, “I’m not sure, but as much as I need it.”

The old man prompted again, “To whom do you what to give the leaves to?”

Little boy answered a little rudely, “Have you not heard me old man, it’s for myself and for no one else!”

Gently he asked again, “Little boy little boy, do you not know the luck will not come if you gather them by greed and selfishness? We are meant to catch it one by one in the air with our hands outstretched. The luck is for others, and does not work on us.”

Curiously the boy looked on, as the old man turned the bag over to empty it. He didn’t stop the old man. Leaving the bag aside, he sprinted off like the wind that came, hands outstretched to catch some leaves. He came back with just one in each hand.

Semplice Simon

Shots from BKK

From Top to Bottom :

I'm looking back!! When are we coming again?

MBK... awww.. my poor blistering feet

It's Gigantic Sleeping Buddha..

Funny Temple

Shy old lady with all her merchandise

The strange Diver holding his.. erghm..

A bed, two maps, the Itinerary and a Calculator

Bangkok with Marcus

Thailand and Bangkok wasn't the top on my list if you ask me about short getaways. Food poisoning, loss of 5 kg and having to go to the Loo over ten times a day was good enough reason for anybody to give it a pass. We had some choices but Bangkok was the most economical. Good food, great shopping and spending power like the Royals were some other reasons. I took preventive measures this time, 2000 mg of Vit C 2 weeks before my trip, no road side food stalls and only restaurants.

I wanted to spend time away from the din in Singapore, and experience each other's company in a non-stress-take-it-easy trip. The bottom-line, we wanted to see how it was for us to live together. I think we managed to find out more about each other. Ie. Personality, character and habits etc.

Ironically, I didn't fall sick and slept like a pig. All thanks to 3 anti-allergy drugs. The bed had some metallic spring problem; it can get uncomfortable with them jabbing up at you. For the price that we paid, 60SGD per night, it was quite a good bargain. Narai Hotel was not much of a show outside, but the interior cannot be slighted. The Food was fantastic. Not one day passed without Tom Yum Soup and BlueBerry. We went for some fine Thai dining at Naj restaurant, it was the pinnacle for the trip. I can still remember the taste of the lamb and soup. The pomelo salad... YUMS!!! Shopping was tiring. My feet were blistering from the walk. Sorry guys, I just don't walk that much in Singapore.

I've enjoyed myself thoroughly. Came back to Singapore on Saturday night and a bit of glum followed thinking of work in the office. I'm sure we both dreaded certain things at work. But our little short holiday left a sweet aftertaste worth savoring whenever the unpleasant things happen in life. Thanks for the time spent together Marcus!! You're the best thing that happen to me yet. Let's go for a real honeymoon next time. : ) I love you.

Hope things will pick up better for us at work soon.

Day 1 (31 Jan 2006)
Met at Airport 645pm
Had dinner at the Mid Eastern Cuisine thing
Fly Fly Away!! (945pm Sin Time)
Touch down BKK Airport (1045pm Thai Time)
Check in Narai Hotel
Unpack and sleep

Day 2 (01 Feb 2006)
Morning Breakfast (Everyday was American Breakfast at Hotel)
Patpong 1 and 2 Quick Walk Through
Sala Daeng Quick Shopping and Tea
The Emporium Shopping
Lunch at Food Court
Back to Siam Paragon Shopping
Visted Oceanarium
Dinner at Thai Restr. at Paragon

Day 3 (02 Feb 2006)
River Cruise at Chao Phraya
Take Express Boat from Sathorn to Tha Thien
Walk to Wat Phra (Sleeping Buddha)
Nearly got conned by Bad Tuk Tuk Man !!
Walk over to Grand Palace and Emerald Buddha
Went back to Siam Center
Lunch at Jap Ramen with funny smelling soup
Coffee and Cake at pastry shop
Massage at Arena
Went back to hotel to change
Went Convent Naj Restr. for FINE THAI DINING!
GoGo Boy Show back at XBoys Thailand (Off from Silom to Tharniya)

Day 4 (03 Feb 2006)
Found this cool Computer Shop along Pantip
Shopping IT Mall at Pantip
Lunch at this Fusion Food Court
Siam Square Shopping
MBK Shopping
Found DVD/VCD Shop selling tons of Gay Movies
Dinner at Shanghainese Restr.
Went back to hotel to change
GoGo Boy Show at Jupiter 2002 Cafe at Suriwong Hotel

Day 5 (04 Feb 2006)
Chatuchat Market Shopping
From Clothes - Jeans - Home Items - Animals etc...
Back to Hotel to Pack
Lunch standing in Airport Check-in Queue (BK Burger) Argh..
Back to Singapore!!! Touch down 7pm
Go home
Eat Chai Chee Porridge with Marcus

Semplice Simon

From the song taken off the movie "As It Is in Heaven" a film by Kay Pollak
This is something to encourage all of us, to feel that we have lived our lives.
With no regrets and to stay strong even when the tempest tosses us,
Even when choices run out, we can still choose how we want to feel.
We will always retain our dignity and integrity;
It’s something which nobody can destroy.

It is now that my life is mine
I've got this short time on earth
And my longing has brought me here
All I lacked and all I gained

And yet it's the way that I chose
My trust was far beyond words
That has shown me a little bit
Of the heaven I've never found

I want to feel I'm alive
All my living days
I will live as I desire
I want to feel I'm alive
Knowing I was good enough

I have never lost who I was
I have only left it sleeping
Maybe I never had a choice
Just the will to stay alive

All I want is to be happy
Being who I am
To be strong and to be free
To see day arise from night

I am here and my life is only mine
And the heaven
I thought was there
I'll discover it there somewhere

I want to feel that I've lived my life..

Gay Marriage-To-Be.

The topic of Gay Marriage had been humming around my head for quite sometime. I didn’t see the point in tackling this issue from my lackluster blog. Until of course, three fateful things happened. A new copy of the GayTimes Magazine – Wedding Special, my age shift from box “25-29” to “30-34” and a recent vivid discussion with Marcus coupled with QAF Season 2 Episode 11. (That’s where the lesbos got married).

How can I resist then, but to finally burrow my brains out to write a series of articles on Gay Marriages. I’ve choose the following topics to blog down. It’s going to be very personal and relative to what I understand about the general affairs of life. You are free to leave me comments; the nasty ones will automatically receive a self-destruct sequence into your monitor. Beware!!

Gays? Getting Married??
How does a gay relationship steps up the state of getting married? What does gay marriage for two gay people mean in general? I will write about why there is such need to get married. Or is there?

“I Do”’s in the Lion City
What can we, as Singaporeans, hope to achieve as gays getting married in Singapore from the year 2006 till kingdom come? What had already been done and is the battle really half fought or not started at all? It's interesting to study into what singaporean gays does to get there and say "I do."

Civil Partnership agreement
This is definitely new to me. But I will discuss about the legal recognition of same-sex relationship in the context of CPA. What possibly can come out from this? Can this be applied in our asian culture and what are the pro's and con's?

Do I wanna Dance?
Last but not least, how do I see all this things personally in my own life and how I view gay marriages for myself? This would be interesting for myself to reflect upon. I've never viewed gay marriage as a necessary step in life. But will everything change as time passes? Will it be something that I really want to do?

I will get down to it as soon as I can!!! Until then, I will be in BKK with Marcus from 31 Jan to 04 Feb. Yippppeeeeeee!!!!!!

Semplice Simon

Smile Boy, Smile!!!

The Beginning:
There’s this guy whom I take the lift with on some days. He’ll be in his running gear when we share the lift down. Something about him told me he’s gay. A gaydar works that way, and mine had never failed me thus far. After a while of communal lift taking, it didn’t take us long to know who’s gay at each level and who’s not.

The Problem:
Over the next few months, we kept meeting each other on the same lift landing. We hardly notice each other initially or acknowledge each other’s presence but as the days went, it’s only nice to be neighborly and smiling to strangers does come to me naturally. I greeted my security guard everyday, I can’t offer any treatment diminished to neighbors, can I? But here comes the irony, how do I smile and say hi together at my neighborly gay man without giving him the wrong impression that I want to bag, gag and bang him right now and there? That’s how gay men works isn’t it? Our libido is about as managed as a herd of bulls. How am I going to be friendly and not letting them think I’d premeditated to get excess attention?

The Response:
One fine day he finally looked at me and smiled. I was expecting this of course, but the most calculated response I gave was to smile faintly. It was not a very courteous thing to do I realized. Standing there was a fellow gay citizen and neighbor, a faint smile was not ably to convey social acceptance. He looked away with tardiness, hardly hiding his discontent from want of chatting up.

The Application
Confiding this with Marcus the other day, I wanted to know how he felt was the appropriate response. He said it was encouraged to be warm and neighborly. I realized it was for our sakes that had caused my tepid reaction to this man in the lift. I didn’t want to encourage anything in my own private time to accommodate another gay person without my bf’s knowledge. I guess it’s a reflex mechanism which kicks in when the warning signals goes off.

Semplice Simon

It's Too Heavy!!!

The Beginning:
I recently visited Pearl Center in ChinaTown, and had parked at the multustorey carpark. It was at the second storey and I needed to get onto the third. There were stairs but the effort irks me. Making my way I saw a crowd waiting at the Lift lobby. When the door opened, being nice and courteous, I let everybody go in first. My handphone beeped from a new SMS. Juggling from my phone and keys, I notice a very strange thing. The people inside had made a very nice U-shaped standing space for me to stand. How nice can my day get?! Smiling at them and acknowledging everybody, I mumbled “Thanks!” under my breath and stepped in haste.

The Problem:
There was this man, in cool black shades, shirt and berms, standing at the buttons. Pressed “Close” button. Nothing happened. As though the button’s circuitry was not in full connect, he pressed in harder and a couple more times. Nothing happened again. To my utter horror, he turned and says to me with this cool matrix voice that sounded from the lift system’s fortune-telling Oracle, “It’s too heavy!” There was this ring of empathy trailing off the walls.

The Response:
“Oh!” I answered. But there was no overweighing detector beeping? Being the closer at the door, I stepped out quickly and clumsily. Fidgeting with my phone, I sought to feel engaged in another world as compared to the current weight mishap and humiliation. Apparently the Lift couldn’t close and my weight was causing the inconvenience. Duh?!

The Application
Something like “Oh, the lift can’t close, it might be too heavy.” , or “Somebody try this, the doors can’t close.” Or something as simple as “Oh No, is the lift spoilt?” Wouldn’t it suffice? Surely if it had been a plump and voluptuous woman, she would have burst into a bout frantic hair-pulling. “It’s too heavy!!!?? Are you referring to me!!!??” Tsk. .The tactlessness of some people.

Semplice Simon

Snoring Boredom

Ever since I had been attached, with this new wave of happiness and contentment flooding my life, I'd not been able to draw on those past depressing monotone of everyday single hood living (..That’s a mouthful..), to write a decent Blog entry worthy of thought. Not that any past entries had been a job well done either.

Today's our 2 months 1 day meet up anniversary. Poor Marcus had to put up with my snoring at night. While some couples has this problem of expressing sensitive problems in fear of treading on each other's toes, I'm glad not to have suffered this same fate with him. It was after these two months that things are getting more settled and many uncertainties are falling neatly in place. We’d been working on communication, and vocalizing our inner thoughts, sorting out our mixed feelings and other concerns. We've asked each other questions, or rather; I am the one with the most questions, and he being the one with the allegorical, yet sometimes blunt answers. Are we doing it right for each other in this relationship? Did you ask yourself that?

We’d worked out a routine and plan, encompassing the things that he needed to do for his resolutions this year, and my own personal commitments. Inevitably, when a routine and plan comes up, and with the warming up of our company to each other, the question of boredom comes around. Will we get bored with each other? That's a difficult one. But I’ve always enjoyed delving a little deeper into my own mind and heart. If you can’t understand yourself to provide a satisfying answer, who else is there to know you?

As with the many people who like asking me questions, I enjoy satisfying myself with the motive. With understanding of why someone asks a question, is better to answer it straight on, don’t you think so? A few deductions came into my mind. Is he bored already? Is he afraid of getting bored? Is he making allowance and preparation in the future to feel bored? Is he trying to prevent himself from being bored? Is he afraid of me being bored? Is he trying to probe whether I am bored? Am I boring him? Is he boring me? Are we boring the little bacterium circulating around as resulting from our very breath!?!??

There are these two kinds of boredoms in a relationship, the way I see it:

Outwardly bored- The routine of everyday living and the constraints in life are putting flat the level of excitement in a relationship.

Inwardly bored- One does not mentally/psychologically/emotionally/sexually etc... Engage, excites, satisfy, complements and stimulates the other.

Being both outwardly and inwardly bored, does not mean the end of love. Conversely, you don’t need to sustain love with excitement and rekindle it once in a new moon. One has to be very careful to separating these two matters. Separating these means you can solve one and save the other. Combining them would mean the end of everything hopeful. I’ve always felt this strong mutual exclusivity between Love and all the feelings and emotions.

The solutions to the above, is apparent and I won’t bother to state them here. Use your creativity and imagination to solve them. Make a ripple for starters; make bigger waves as you go along. It is not that difficult, really.

Honestly, I've never been involved in a relationship which is so comprehensive and open, and regular reviews on our understanding and expectations of each other. In fact, we were discussing the other day that our formidable formula to working things out between us, is that: I've experienced 5 year long relationship, and he having to live 5 years more than me. I cannot agree more. It's quite plain to me at times we clearly know what is happening between us and with the other party, not much guesswork or mind games there. The novice would still struggle with primary issues which I think we've already worked through subconsciously on a faster plane.

Semplice Simon

This Is My Life, Rated

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	7.1
Mind:	8.2
Body:	8.8
Spirit:	7.1
Friends/Family:	5.2
Love:	7.9
Finance:	4.5
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

It's interesting to know that from such a short quiz and time frame, my whole life have been rated completed in front of me in a series of numbers and colored bars. OMG!!!!! What is this?!?! It is like a gypsy woman who gazes through the crystal ball at my oversized and magnified head, and starts screaming out statistics from goodness-know-where!?!? You get the point. I'm pleased with the results. The website says that I have a good life... that's that. As for making this reality true in my life, off the charts, that will be more work than a set of yes/no/true/false questions.

It still puzzles me why people reads the zodiac religiously, watch the stars and moons for their paths and movements, matching their lives' fate against a set of horribly drawn picture cards and worst, studying the lines on the hands and FACE!!?? (..Don’t look at me.. I’m not qualifying for that one.. ) . We take time to study questions and answer them; take personality and character tests and other geeky psychological tests. What do we really hope to achieve from all this? To know that our mornings will be brighter? To prepare for the next disaster that probably will never come? To find the flaws in our lives and character which only the mock divination can change us?

I'm not sure about you, but for me?? I find it depressing to subject my life in all aspect to something which is non-scientific, full of wild guesswork and based on probability and statistics. The human nature and its twists and turn of life, are way too complex and unpredictable for any odd bar graphs to represent. Goodness, even the bar charts in my office determines which salesperson to sack. Even that, my friends, has solid data to back it up. . This is my thought. Not a proven theory too.

Isn't it wonderful to go through life knowing your character/personality doesn't match a particular Zodiac or Chinese horriblescope sign? We would be free to mould ourselves into somebody better without having to excuse those nasty little habits, by chance, matched those horriblescopes? Wouldn't it be better if we can take the next few steps in life with a light and unburdened mind and heart, without having to be bothered by what a stack of cards or an old man reading my palm would say? Let's just think of life as it is, a bag of full of surprises. The nice and sweet ones, the bitter and unhappy ones. Reach your hand in and face it squarely!!!

Don't mind me... wrote this crap in 20 min.

Semplice Simon

Short Little Moosings - 11

One of my favorite song from Bette Midler. It is so simple yet, the words are so rich and deep with meaning. Please don't scorn and mock, don't sneer and despise and don't close your mind. Let your imagination explore the possible meaning of the lyrics. Whoever is reading this blog entry, give me your best take by posting a comment to me, what do you think is the meaning of the phrase "tin can".. in the phrase I've put in bold. I never did figure it out, and will gladly provide a gift for anybody who can give me a smart answer!!!

I think it’s going to rain today -- Bette Midler

Broken windows and empty hallways,
A pale dead moon in a sky streaked with grey.
Human kindness is overflowing,
And I think it's gonna rain today.

Scarecrows dressed in the latest styles,
The frozen smiles to chase love away.
Human kindness is overflowing,
And I think it's gonna rain today.

Lonely, lonely.
Tin can at my feet,
I think I'll kick it down the street.
That's the way to treat a friend.

Bright before me the signs implore me:
Help the needy and show them the way.
Human kindness is overflowing,
And I think it's gonna rain today.

Semplice Simon

Mood - Relaxed
Feeling - Impulsive yet inhibited
Thinking - Love Kamasutra (101 ways to tell a man you love him)
Love - Diva Las Vegas (Bette Midler - Experience The Divine)

New Year's Eve's Eve to New Year Day's Day

31/12/2005 1015pm - 01/01/2006 345am

I recently discovered, much to my initial shock, that a good friend/neighbor for many years, turned out to be gay and a chub chaser. The latter being the second shock. I am still reeling from the fact that a cute guy like him enjoys the portly and full. I had a crush on him donkey years ago. And knowing that we didn’t tell each other was bad, and that nothing could have come out from it even if he’d confessed to me, was worst. (ie. I fell short of his body type preferences) I’ve learnt over the years to take pleasure in missed opportunities. Knowing this, if not for this group of people who didn’t step into my life due to divine intervention, I might not have met my current beau.

Lets take heart in the best things that ended with us at the close of another year. Bring these things across and it would be the perfect way to end and begin. Champagne was popped for toast to the New Year during the gathering at Marcus’ place. Everybody waited anxiously in front of the TV while the time moved closer. What were your thoughts? Fear of routine is something I would feel. To resist the mundane and numbing realization that it’s another calendar of events with nothing special to look forward to. We want closure in the many dramatic episodes started in the year. To make us look at everything new ahead. Whatever can stop us from feeling renewed? It would be tragic if a new year comes and we didn’t feel the magic. Yes!! The MAGIC of all wondrous beginnings.

The rest of the night which led up to midnight was just a relax mix of chatting, video games, mahjong and eating. Tonight was my first night witnessing the “husbandship” of Marcus, washing the dishes? LOL. Well, that’s another thing I can really appreciate in another man, not being afraid to get your hands dirty. Washing dishes and clothes, taking and clearing out the trash and cooking. Well well well.. at least I won’t worry about rostering the kitchen duty in the future.

As the TV show counted down the seconds for us, I pulled him to a corner of the house where nobody can spot us. Midnight struck and we kissed. He’s one of the few magical beginnings I would want to bring forward in the New Year. The magic? Not starting out alone.

We played the night away, pictionary, and warped charades to act out famous gay iconic characters. Go figure how. That’s how my new year started then, with my love and lots of Princess Diana, Wonder Woman, Gandhi, Charlie’s Angels and Harrison Ford in Temple of Doom.


31/12/2005 910am - 1230pm

I've started working on one New Year resolution even before the year ended. That was to work on my 21 km Marathon. I met up with Marcus this morning for the longest run I've ever attempted in my life. We ran for 1 hr 20 min, I burnt 991 and him, 1000cal+!! Yes... my previous record was only 10km run in NS and that took me 1 hour in top form. I thoroughly enjoyed this run. One reason, it was simply because of him, and second was that I knew I could go a little further since, it's him. :P Fine .. I don't want to kill anybody here reading with mushiness. But that's something I really appreciate in a relationship. Being proactive and hassle less to plan things together. It didn't take us long to decide we needed to run and train together at East Coast this Saturday. Amidst of his GRE preparations and cooking duties for that night's party, I was extremely glad that he could spend that morning training together. Thanks Marcus!

The run went quite smoothly, not much pain from the knee, lots of admiring of guys running by, talking about getting cats and dogs next time, asking each others' heart rate, and how each was doing during the run. Even from this run, I could learn a little bit more about him and from him. (... and about cats shitting...) We ran from Mac to Fort Road, to the Hawker Center and back again. Glancing over at him occasionally, I think my life would never be whole if he's not there beside me.

30/12/2005 710pm - 1145pm

I met up Marcus at Bugis junction for a short shopping spree. The traffic and parking was a killer. He bought some knockdown CD storage system from Muji, maybe 80% from need and 20% from the glib and cute salesman. (Claimed Marcus..!!). We were supposed to meet up 3 of his house mates for a dinner treat by one of them, for clinching a business deal successfully.

I wasn't expecting anything which I couldn't handle, and had prepared myself mentally prior to the dinner. I guess it's a habit. It's always good to generate various scenarios and test cases to sift out the ungraceful, unpleasant, and unexpected. But for this time, I forgot to include myself into the list of parameters. Dinner went well. But that was beside the fact that I couldn't bring myself to talk to his housemates and to include myself in the conversation totally. Chitty-Chatty-me had lost my tongue suddenly. It was a conversational blackout for me. Disastrous! I wanted to stand up, scream at the top of my lungs, the big exclaimed "ARGH!!!!! WHAT THE HELLL!!?!?!?!?!". But of course, that cannot happen. It's too unglamorous for me.

I felt really apologetic for my awkward silence and behavior during dinner. I raced to dig out what really went through my mind. I had a long and unadulterated conversation with Marcus. It was, 40% Tired mind and body, 50% adverse pressure by myself to love his friends and fit in, 10% totally PMSed!!! I think it was one of those nights where the flow was exceptionally red. I felt bad to have subjected him to my capricious temperaments. I gave him explanations for the over-reaction to the whole circumstance. After which, his perception to my predicament, the solution/advice he offered, and the amount of patience and understanding he showed, made me realized again... how much I can really love this man. Oh Gosh.. I am sooooo attracted.

The night ended well, I felt tons better because of him. I told myself before I went off; this is not going to be difficult for me. Focus hard on what I really need to do, and not on what is ridiculously not going to happen!!

Semplice Simon

Short Little Moosings - 10

New Year Resolutions!

In no particular Order of Priority.

1. Participate in the 21 Km Half Marathon end of the year
2. Get my GMAT Done
3. Get my ABRSM Grade 5 Done
4. Save up for A Trip end of Year 2006
5. Drive Safely
6. Learn to drive with all my different shoes

The thing about New Year resolution is that you'll probably need some place to record it down. This is to ensure we can check back on our completion at the end of the year. I can't remember what I've set for myself the year before. I think it had something remotely related to my weight. I might have achieved that though. I was tipping 72kg in the beginning of the year, and at its close I am at 68.5 kg.

I've already planned what I'm gonna do the very first thing when the second hand strikes the new year. DORAEMON!!!! Get ready!!! SMUUUUUUUUUUUUUACCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! I luv ya.!!!

Semplice Simon

Mood - Happy!
Feeling - Excited
Thinking - My Little Prince
Love - My Little Prince

Reviewing our Losses, Gaining that Strength

It'd been tradition for Mr. TeeVoh to review the major news in Singapore at the concluding of another year. There's been talk on what was the prevalent news for Singapore and for the world. Terrorist Attacks, Rise in Oil Prices, wars, deadly mutating viruses and Natural calamities, these are some of the things off my fingertips. In Singapore will have to be the increasing number of grotesque murder cases, LTA/LRTrelated issues, and not forgetting the NKF saga.

When we re-visit our dealings with catastrophic events and tragedies which have an impact of significant magnitude in our lives, it's perhaps a way to scale down our desperation, and comforting ourselves that at this very present moment, we had survived. Looking back at these unfortunate events and trying to quantify the experience, it had to be our first reaction, followed by how we struggled to manage them over time, and finally to come to terms with it.

It's a way for us to process these traumas and at some point in time, stand amazed at the sturdiness of human courage. We draw on each other’s strength, and seek to attune each other’s resolve and understanding, in working things out as a community. The common knowledge derived from all this? Finding strength and knowing we are not that alone after all.

I’ve met with a friend recently who related a story of her girl friend who lost the boyfriend during the Tsunami last year. They were resting in their room at the resort after diving and the waters came and took them by surprise. A stranger barely managed to pull her out of the waters when the resort nearly collapsed, but the boyfriend was no where to be found. After a few days of searching in vain, she flew back to Singapore devastated and drained. She kept crying. Much concern and consolation was offered by love ones, but she would not be comforted. It was her way of processing this tragedy on her own.

Over the weeks, she started to open up to friends and asking herself questions. Why life was as such? It was inequitable for her and she couldn’t quite accept the loss in its totality still. Her good friends brought her to church support groups for people who’ve met similar losses during the Tsunami. The results were to be celebrated. With much tears she was able to openly lament with the rest. She comforted others whose loss was felt greater than hers. Perhaps this transaction had diluted her concentrated focus on self, and re-aligned her to tap into a common strength.

Months later, remains of the boyfriend were finally found. She was called to identify and collect the belongings. This time, she did not manage this alone. Friends and family followed her and she learnt to tap into a community of strength for her personal loss. Smiling weakly through those tears of anguish, she was able to face up bravely to her loss. She had survived it.

Coming close to the end of the year, I’ve heard news about her. She still questions her loss. But was able to appreciate the strength she’d found in reiterating the account to her friends. She shared with them the whole process from the beginning, and this experience encouraged many afflicted in the end.

Is it good to recall our losses? Perhaps. The strength we'd gained along the way should not be forgotten too.

Semplice Simon